Is It Normal To Talk to Yourself? Here's What Therapists Say

Beth Ann Mayer
·6 min read
1

Woman talking to herself

You may regularly contribute to a group text and look forward to Friday night dinner conversations with a pal or partner. However, you may find the most regular person you talk to is yourself. You may do it out loud or have a running internal dialogue.

"Is it normal to talk to myself?" you may ask, well, yourself.

We have good news. "It’s normal," says Dr. Craig Kain, Ph.D., a psychologist and psychotherapist. "Talking to yourself is something most people do."

While we may frequently talk to ourselves, Dr. Kain says people often feel abnormal about the whole thing because it's not something we bring up often.

"Because very few people speak openly about it, we’re left feeling we are the only ones who do it," Dr. Kain says.

Below, Dr. Kain and other mental health professionals discuss why talking to yourself is generally normal and potentially beneficial. They also weigh in on when it may be a cause for concern, such as a potential mental illness.

Related: Why Sleep Problems Are More Common With Aging

Why Do I Keep Talking To Myself When I'm Alone?

The answer could be in the question. Often, we talk to ourselves because we're alone.

"If you talk to yourself more frequently when you’re alone, then it might be a sign of being self-conscious about this behavior," says Dr. Faisal Tai, MD., a board-certified psychiatrist and founder and CEO of PsychPlus.

The truth is, it's common for people to talk to themselves all day long, but sometimes that self-talk will be in their heads. "Throughout our day, we typically engage in both covert and overt self-talk," Dr. Kain explains. "Covert self-talk is when we verbalize what we are thinking in a way no one else can hear or in our heads. Covert self-talk is more common because we fear that if others saw us talk out loud, they would judge us."

When we're out of earshot of others, overt self-talk may begin. "When we’re alone, we don’t care that we’re talking to ourselves out loud because no one is there to hear or judge us," Dr. Kain says.

3 More Reasons It's Completely Normal To Talk to Yourself

1. You're engaging in emotional regulation

Self-talk can be soothing. "It can help you gather your thoughts," says Amy Morin, LCSW, a psychotherapist and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do. "You speak slower than you think, so when you're talking to yourself, it slows you down. That's helpful when you're starting to feel frazzled or you are starting to panic."

Dr. Kain agrees. "Telling ourselves to 'breathe,' 'calm down' or 'take a break,' can often prevent us from becoming too anxious, too angry or even too tired," Dr. Kain says.

One 2014 study also suggested that self-talk could benefit people with anxiety.

2. Self-talk doubles as a pep talk

You may be self-conscious about your self-talk tendencies, but they might be building confidence. "Talking to yourself can also be a good way to encourage yourself," Morin explains. "Just like you likely respond positively to someone else cheering you on, kind words from yourself can have a similar effect. Your ears hear those words and process them similar to the way you'd process praise from someone else."

The same study from 2014 suggested that talking to yourself in the second or third person is particularly useful in these situations.

3. You want to remember something (or are trying to)

Want to remember the name of that person you met at happy hour, a fun fact you learned at work or just where you left your keys? Talk to yourself about it. "Hearing yourself speak can also help you retain information," Morin says. "Your brain learns in many different ways, and hearing something can cement the information in your brain differently than if you are just thinking about it."

Research from 2012 found that self-talk helped people with "visual search tasks," like finding an object.

Related: Having This Personality Trait Could Significantly Increase Your Likelihood of Developing Dementia, According to Research

When Is Talking to Yourself Concerning?

Talking to yourself is only concerning if that self-talk is negative. "While positive self-talk may be very beneficial, negative self-talk may be extremely damaging," Dr. Kain says. "We believe what we tell ourselves and, sadly, most of us are far more critical of ourselves than we are complimentary."

Try to be self-aware of your self-talk. "Being aware of what we say can help us adopt new self-talk that is kinder, gentler and more compassionate," Dr. Kain shares. "This new self-talk can then bring about a change in how we feel about ourselves."

Additionally, self-talk might be something to reduce if it's bothersome to others. "If talking to yourself is causing problems like your colleagues are complaining or your family is concerned, you may want to address the issue," explains Morin.

Is Talking to Yourself a Mental Illness?

In most cases, no. But there are some signs to look out for. "Occasional self-talk is generally normal, but excessive or intrusive self-dialogue could be a potential symptom," Dr. Tai says. "If it interferes with daily life or is accompanied by other concerning signs, it's advisable to consult with a mental health professional for an accurate assessment."

Morin says talking to yourself can sometimes be a sign of:

  • Anxiety

  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

  • Schizophrenia

  • Psychosis

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How Can I Stop Talking to Myself?

If your self-talk is generally positive and not bothering anyone and you don't need treatment for a mental illness, there's no reason to stop talking to yourself. However, if the thoughts are negative, intrusive, bothersome to yourself and others, or you have a mental illness, some strategies might reduce the frequency of self-talk.

"Mindfulness techniques can be a very effective way to deal with unwanted or intrusive thoughts like those associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder," Dr. Kain says. "Learning how to observe our thoughts as opposed to giving voice to them can be a great way to put distance between what we think, what we say and what we do."

You might also try to direct your attention elsewhere—your thoughts might follow. "If you want to reduce talking to yourself, you can try redirecting your thoughts by engaging in activities that require focus, like reading or solving puzzles," explains Dr. Tai.

Finally, try talking to someone else, like a mental health professional. Morin says, "You can start by talking to your primary care physician or by asking for a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist for an evaluation."

Next up: So THAT'S Why You Have Such a Hard Time Sleeping As You Get Older

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