Nothing says summer like cans of white high-gloss spray paint and wicker furniture
June is a month that’s like a stern scold from your mother. Now, I realize this is totally counter-intuitive because June means summer has arrived, and summer means vacations, outdoor fun and a host of other things that require slathering on SPF 50 sun protection.
But hiding behind all this merriment is the list you made last summer of all the things that you were going to do to improve the next summer. But alas now that June has arrived you realize you did none of the things on that list.
In my case the list feels heavier than 90% humidity on a 100 degree day because I’m ashamed that I accomplished absolutely nothing on a list that was so full of promise.
At the very top of my list was to buy new deck furniture. Now, I didn’t want to buy it during the prime summer months because I needed to wait until it went on sale. (Have you priced outdoor furniture lately? It’s bonkers.)
Common sense dictates that the biggest sale would be on Labor Day. So I told myself that’s when I would buy the furniture and bask in the knowledge that I would be improving summers for years to come. I didn’t do that.
There are many reasons. The top two are that the furniture was still expensive, and I held out hope that if I waited just a couple more weeks I would see some major clearance action. By the time the end of September rolled around I was unearthing all my Halloween bins and buying mini Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and snack size Snickers in bulk from Costco.
Which just made it feel weird to be spending money on outdoor furniture, especially when a lot of stores were already dragging out their Christmas decor. This meant I did what I really excel at: ignoring to-do lists. I love to make to-do lists, and I’m also at an expert at disregarding said to-do lists.
When this spring rolled around, which is signified by me having to get out the lawn mower, I panicked. My blatant disregard for “the list” meant that I would be spending another summer stuck with the deck furniture I’ve had for more than two decades.
This furniture is wicker and it’s been through a lot: searing Texas heat, epic Sierra Nevada winters and fierce Kansas thunderstorms. The fact that it’s survived all these varied elements is a testament to the strength and durability of rattan, willow, bamboo and spray paint.
Yes, spray paint. I truly believe that the only reason this wicker furniture has lasted so long is that for the last 10 years I’ve been blasting it with white, high-gloss spray paint.
While some people were raised that duct tape could solve a myriad of life’s problems. I had a mother who taught me that spray paint would cover up the sins of furniture that was past its prime or just plain ugly.
This means at the start of almost every summer in recent memory I buy 11 cans of spray paint and give my wicker furniture a makeover while also hoping that the paint will act as an adhesive and hold the furniture together till fall.
As I pressed the paint nozzle on the can I told myself this will be the last time I ever do this. I don’t know if it was birds or the sound of the spray paint lacquering the leg of a chair but it definitely sounded like the wicker was laughing at me.
Reach Sherry Kuehl at [email protected], on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs, on Twitter at @snarkynsuburbs on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.
