The One Human Emotion Men Fear The Most In Women
On a first date, do you know the single emotion men dread most? It might not be what you think.
You might think men hate to deal with sadness from a past relationship or a woman who appears needy. Granted, those are two first impressions that probably won't bode well for a second date either. However, they aren't what mean fear most.
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The most feared and disliked emotion a woman can display on a date is anger.
Yes, anger. Anger from a woman is something most men have a hard time dealing with, no surprise there.
Women have a lot of reasons to be angry and often will share it freely — and justifiably. In dating and meeting new men, anger is a major turnoff because it forces men to confront the inherent sexism and gender imbalance in our society. A lot of men are totally not ready to face the reality of the situation. This is a very big problem for a lot of men.
As a dating coach for the past 10 years, I have access to and frequently talk with single men. They come to me as clients too, which creates the best research opportunity for my women clients. One thing I can tell you without hesitation is the men I speak to have all talked about the "angry woman" and how unpleasant they felt she was — obviously, without looking at why she was angry in the first place.
Pauls' story
One of my clients explained how he had met a woman at a singles group who took his number with the intention of setting up a first date. Laura called Paul, my client, over the weekend, and he invited her to a group event. They decided to take mass transit together to go to the event.
Paul said this ended up being a huge mistake in his eyes. He hadn't spent much time with her the first time he met her.
What happened on the subway ride, you ask? Laura proceeded to rant about the guy she just broke up with. She was incredibly angry, and Paul felt she had over-shared personal information.
She told him she felt comfortable sharing with him and continued to talk about her ex for 30 minutes straight. Paul ended up regretting the train ride with Laura.
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Angelo's story
Here's another similar story. Angelo is 61 and a widower. He is an even-tempered guy who is actively dating and looking for love. I was talking with him about what turns him off the most. His immediate answer was "Women who are angry," as though Angelo had never expressed anger in his life to a woman.
Angelo told me when he meets a woman who expresses anger, he does his best to keep the date short, so he doesn't have to be confronted with an emotional state he finds difficult to face.
Your angry stories
Have you expressed anger about the men you've met, frustration about the dating process, or your bad experiences with online dating? It is true, there are a lot of bad experiences out there and your anger is justified. Yet, this doesn't change the fact that men are sizing you up from your dating profile to the first email and first date you go on with them.
They are sizing you up, just as you are reasonably sizing up the men. My advice as a dating coach is to put your best foot forward.
In other words: Do not share stories about your ex, your job, or other dating experiences until you know the guy you are seeing is safe to bring these topics to. And if he isn't safe to talk about these topics with, then he probably isn't the type of guy you want to keep seeing.
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Forgetting about the guys for a moment, let's talk about you. How much impact is your anger making on your ability to be happy? Is it time to do something about your anger?
You are completely entitled to all the angry emotions and I'm not here to negate them at all. However, if your anger is having a negative impact on your ability to find any happiness, you might want to dissipate some of that anger.
There are a few ways to do this: Exercise, meditate, talk to your friends, take a hot bath, or try therapy.
There are plenty of ways to release anger. Look into what you can do and what works best for you. Let your anger be expressed when it is needed, learn to release the anger so it doesn't build up and take your happiness.
More importantly, if that guy has a problem with you being angry about the way women are still treated in this society, then let him keep on moving down the road.
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Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach and Past Life Reader. Her audio course, How to Ask the Universe for a Sign is available for anyone looking for answers.
This article originally appeared on YourTango