How to Overcome Emotional Detachment
Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD
Emotional detachment is a term used to describe behavior in which a person seems to be disconnected from their emotions, particularly those involved in interpersonal relationships. It can present as numbness and may lead to relationship and communication problems, difficulty feeling or expressing empathy, or other difficulties with emotions
Read on to learn more about what emotional detachment looks like, what causes it, and how to cope if you or a loved one are emotionally detached.
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What Is Emotional Detachment?
Emotional detachment means a person has difficulty tuning into their emotions and connecting with others on an emotional level.
While they may feel disengaged and appear to lack empathy, people with emotional detachment do experience emotions and usually want to express them and connect with others, they just have difficulty doing so in a way that is typically considered appropriate.
People who are emotionally detached may:
Find it difficult to show empathy
Have trouble expressing and sharing emotions
Have difficulty committing to a relationship or partnership
Feel disconnected from others
Feel “numb”
Find it hard to identify their emotions
Be unaware that their actions may be seen as rude
Avoid situations that involve the expression of emotion
Related: What Are the Types of Social Cues?
Emotional detachment in a relationship may look like:
Reduced availability or preoccupation
Not communicating location or plans
Terse communication
Placing others before their partner
Reduced affection and intimacy
Reduced investment in the relationship
Condition or Symptom?
Emotional detachment is not a condition unto itself. Rather, it is a symptom that can be associated with other mental health conditions.
Identifying Emotional Detachment
If you are prone to emotional detachment, seeing healthcare provider is a good place to start. They may:
Talk with you about your feelings, behaviors, and other symptoms
Do an exam or run tests to look for physical reasons for your symptoms
Make a referral to a mental health professional
Causes of Emotional Detachment
There are many things that can influence how a person regulates emotion, including emotional detachment.
Past Experiences
Exposure to traumatic events and interpersonal trauma in childhood is associated with many problems in children and adults, including emotional detachment.
Complex childhood trauma and a lack of adequate care and consistent emotional support in childhood can affect a person's ability to tolerate intense emotions, form healthy attachments and relationships, and develop a sense of self.
Trauma that occurs in adulthood can also cause emotional detachment.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a condition that can develop after a single exceptionally threatening or horrifying event or from prolonged exposure to trauma such as abuse. Emotional detachment can be a symptom of PTSD.
Attachment Disorders
Emotional detachment can be a symptom of an attachment disorder, such as:
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD): This condition may emerge as a result of childhood abuse and neglect. As a result, children are unable to form healthy emotional bonds with their caregivers. Symptoms can include problems controlling and expressing emotions, avoiding interactions with other people, and finding it difficult to be comforted.
Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder (DSED): This condition may occur when kids fail to form meaningful attachments with caregivers. Symptoms include being overly friendly and affectionate with strangers and showing little to no preference for their primary caregivers.
Mental Health Conditions
In addition to PTSD, emotional detachment can occur as part of several different mental health conditions, including:
Other personality disorders
Autism Spectrum Disorders
Hallmark symptoms of autism spectrum disorders (ASD) include difficulties reading social cues and relating to other people. People with ASD often have trouble recognizing emotions and intentions in others, and understanding and expressing their own emotions. These are all forms of emotional detachment.
Related: How to Help Children With Autism Handle Emotions
Side Effects of Medication
Emotional detachment may be a side effect of some medications, such as certain antidepressants.
A 2016 study analyzed survey data of people who had been using antidepressants for three to 15 years. While the majority (89.4%) reported that antidepressants had improved their depression, many also noted side effects, including adverse emotional effects; 64.5% reported feeling emotionally numb.
By Choice
Emotional detachment can be a useful tactic many people use to protect themselves in stressful situations. As long as this coping strategy isn't used too frequently, it can sometimes be a healthy way to set boundaries.
For healthcare providers, for example, being able to emotionally detach from patients can allow providers to stay calm, be objective, perform painful medical procedures, and protect themselves from burnout. Learning how to regulate their emotions allows them to be empathetic when called for and detached when necessary. Devoting too much time and commitment to patients can also lead to neglecting their personal time, hobbies, and family responsibilities.
Is Emotional Detachment Always Harmful?
Detachment is not always a bad thing, especially when done in a healthy way. Research has shown that being able to psychologically detach from work during non-work time is important for mental health and well-being. People who can detach from work during off-hours tend to be more satisfied with their lives and experience less psychological strain, without negatively affecting their work. Some studies have shown this detachment can even improve job performance.
Treatment for Emotional Detachment
Treatment for emotional detachment depends on what is causing it and what the individual's goals are. If it is a component of another condition, such as depression or PTSD, the underlying condition needs to be treated.
Psychotherapy (talk therapy) may be beneficial for people experiencing emotional detachment. This might include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which involves identifying and examining maladaptive thoughts and behaviors and transforming them into healthier processes and strategies. Or it could include psychodynamic psychotherapy, which emphasizes the expression of emotions and examines our emotional defense mechanisms.
If there is a relationship component to the emotional detachment, therapies are available that address the couple or family as a whole.
Discuss your concerns with your healthcare provider or mental health professional, and tell them what you hope to achieve with treatment. They can help figure out which approach is best for you.
Related: Types of Mental Health Therapy
How to Cope With Emotional Detachment
In addition to professional treatment, people who are emotionally detached can use the following strategies to help them cope:
Meditation and mindfulness: This can help reduce stress, promote calm, and improve reactions to negative thoughts and feelings.
Writing: Keeping a journal can help you get your thoughts and emotions out instead of detaching from them. It may also help you notice patterns or triggers for your emotional detachment.
Avoiding self-medicating with substances: While they may provide temporary relief, substances like alcohol can make symptoms worse, or lead to more problems in the long run.
Seeking support: Support groups are a great way to connect with others who understand what you are experiencing.
Being vulnerable: Being vulnerable can be hard and takes time and practice, but it's worth it. Work on opening up with people you trust and feel safe with.
Making art: Getting creative can be a healthy way to connect with and express your emotions.
Explainer
If you are in a relationship with an emotionally detached person, recognizing that the person's distance is a coping mechanism rather than a punitive tactic can help you feel compassion instead of anger. You can help them by proving a safe space for them to be vulnerable and open. You can also support them in seeking treatment if needed. Working with a counselor or therapist who understands emotional detachment can help partners learn to reconnect and improve communication. It may take time, work, and commitment from both partners, but emotional detachment in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean it's over.
When to See a Healthcare Provider
If you find emotional detachment is having a negative impact on your life, making relationships difficult, or think it may be a symptom of another mental health problem, see your healthcare provider.
Help Is Available
If you or a loved one are struggling with mental health, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.
For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
Summary
Emotional detachment can be part of healthy emotion regulation in some cases, but it can be harmful if it leads to interpersonal problems. Trauma, mental health conditions, and medication side effects can all cause emotional detachment. Help for emotional detachment depends on the individual, but may include talk therapy. If it is a symptom of another condition, that condition will need to be treated.
Read the original article on Verywell Health.
