Some parents use cannabis. Should they discuss it with their kids? Here's what experts say.

With more states legalizing cannabis, “weed moms” are becoming the new “wine moms.” Some parents keep their cannabis use a secret from their children, while others are upfront about it. As a dad who makes glass accessories for using cannabis, Mike Colavita tells Yahoo Life he believes “transparency is key.” However, he is waiting until his children, who are now 5 and 11, are “a little older” to talk to them about his own drug use.

“I want them to hear it from me first,” he says. But he notes that, since some parents of his kids’ friends know about his cannabis use, it’s possible that someone else may beat him to the punch.

There is little guidance about how, when or even if parents who use marijuana — legal or otherwise — should tell their children. But experts predict that that will change.

“As cannabis usage becomes increasingly normalized in our society, it will become similar to how we use, view and discuss alcohol,” says Dr. Peter Grinspoon, a primary care physician at Massachusetts General Hospital and board member of Doctors for Cannabis Regulation.

In the meantime, here's what experts recommend parents who use cannabis do.

Should parents talk to their children about using cannabis?

Grinspoon says he is “a big advocate for being open and honest.” If parents tell children about their drug use it makes them “a trusted partner and preserves … credibility,” he says. He adds that being transparent with children can also show “some vulnerability” and open lines of communication. This is important because “later if they struggle, they will feel comfortable coming to you for help,” he notes.

For parents who are using cannabis for a medical condition under the supervision of a doctor, Grinspoon recommends being open about this, just as they would with any other medication. “This helps destigmatize [cannabis]. It will make it less interesting to them if creaky old dad is using his medicine,” he says.

If a child comes to a parent and asks about drug use past or present, Grinspoon says that parents should never lie. “If they find out about your drug use which you've denied and realize you've lied to them, your credibility is in tatters,” he says.

When should parents talk to their children about their cannabis use?

There is no magic age when parents should disclose their drug use. However, Grinspoon says it’s safe to broach the issue with children “when they are old enough to understand a nuanced message” or when a parent believes that sharing this information “will help them navigate ... peer pressure [and] other things that go into their own decisions on whether or not to try cannabis, alcohol or other drugs." This will normally be when children become teenagers, though they may bring it up sooner.

Before parents broach the topic with their children, they should be sure that their children are able to understand subtle distinctions, including that a parent uses cannabis now but they would not, or should not, have used it as a teenager because it harms teenage brains, Grinspoon says.

If parents have made mistakes, including using cannabis as a teen, they should share this with their children, advises Dr. Lateefah Watford, a psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente. “Using your past behaviors and mistakes as warnings against the potential pitfalls can be a powerful tool," Watford says.

How should parents tell children about their cannabis use?

Watford says that “there is no right or wrong” way to handle this discussion “that will fit every person and situation.” Both she and Grinspoon emphasize the importance of being honest.

Grinspoon says that “the main risk is that of role modeling.” He tells Yahoo Life that he doesn’t think “modest cannabis use for most adults is dangerous.” However, if parents are using cannabis, children may get the message “that it is OK and … might miss the more nuanced memo that the safety is age-dependent." Kids who are more "impulsive," he cautions, may not care about that distinction. “Teens might think that if a parent is using cannabis it’s OK for them to use the drug too.”

But he adds that "it is not hypocrisy" for parents who, say, smoke weed or pop a gummy to put their put down when it comes to their kids. Grinspoon says that parents should explain that “it is a much more risky activity as a teen than as an adult, though he cautions against exaggerating the harm cannabis can cause teens. As shown by the failure of the Drug Abuse Resistance Education (DARE) program, this approach can backfire and increase the likelihood that teens will use drugs.

A parent might not think twice about having a glass of wine in front of their kids, but what about using cannabis? Grinspoon argues that so long as a parent is not "stoned out of their mind" or impaired, or in charge of any "adult responsibilities" at the time, it is possible to model responsible cannabis use. However, Lea McMahon, an adjunct professor of psychology at Columbia College, licensed professional counselor and chief clinical officer at Symetria Recovery, thinks that there is some risk that using cannabis in front of children can have an adverse effect on them.

“By not doing it, you are not involving any risk whatsoever," she says, calling the decision to use cannabis in private a "no-brainer." McMahon notes that parents who use cannabis for medical purposes may have no choice about using cannabis with their children present, but says that “for those that have the luxury of choice ... it's a risk not worth taking."

How does the legality of cannabis impact how parents should broach the topic?

Cannibals for recreational use by adults is legal in 21 states. Medical use of cannabis is legal in 38 states. That means cannabis use of any kind is still illegal in 12 states.

Grinspoon says that ideally, parents would always “demonstrate law-abiding behavior." He also stresses that parents “need to avoid legal jeopardy and avoid entanglements with law enforcement, as that isn't good for the kids either.” However, Grinspoon believes that talking about cannabis being illegal can be an opportunity to teach children critical thinking skills. “What is legal does not equate to what is moral,” he says, noting that slavery and bans on same-sex marriage were both legal at one point. Nevertheless, if parents are using cannabis in states where it is not legal, Grinspoon advises them to never use cannabis around their children because of the risk of becoming entangled with law enforcement.

But even in states where cannabis is legal, Watford warns that “legality does not turn cannabis use into a “black and white situation” that doesn’t require further discussion. Concerns surrounding responsible cannabis use still apply regardless of whether it is legal or not. “Legal status of the substance is not one of those variables that determines whether someone uses the drug responsibly,” she says. She notes that “some of the most addictive substances, such as nicotine and alcohol, are legal and easily accessed by adults. But this does not make the potential impact of using these substances any less hazardous than other substances.”

Ultimately, Watford says that talking to children about cannabis use is “a highly personal decision that has to be made by each individual." Conversations about it will really come down to the "nature of the relationship the parent has with their teen.”

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