"I Hate Taking My Kid To Restaurants": Parents Are Speaking Up About What They Actually Hate About Parenthood, And They Did Not Hold Back
Love isn't easy, and neither is parenting. Raising children takes a lot of time, money, patience, and sacrifice (of sleep). So it's really strange that there's this weird expectation on parents to find the joy in every single part of parenthood because, like, life in general, it can kind of suck sometimes!
Pop! / Via giphy.com
Especially during an ongoing pandemic and record-high summer temperatures.
I wanted to hear more from those who aren't afraid to be real about the challenges of parenthood, so I asked parents of the BuzzFeed Community, "What is something you feel like you should enjoy doing with your kids, but actually hate?" And well, they had a lot to say:
1."I hate those ridiculous school events for such minor things that don't directly affect my kids, yet I'm supposed to pretend I care about. I don't care that some fourth grade class made a welcome banner for the front of the school — my kid's in second grade, so why do I need to be at the unveiling of that? And don't get me started on 'Open House' night. It's been the bane of my existence for over 20 years. I hated it as a child, I hate it as an adult, but my kids love it...and I love my kids. So, I do it all for them.
"And those dinners at restaurants where a fraction of the proceeds go to the school. ... I'll only go if it directly funds my kids. I don't care about funding the sixth graders' field trip when my kid's in second grade."
—Anonymous, 27
2."I hate listening to my 7-year-old read. It annoys me when she can't sound out a word without help. It also takes her forever to finish a chapter. There, I finally said it."
—Anonymous, 40
3."Cooking with small children...sucks. They always want to help, and it's 10 times more messy and 10 times more time-consuming when they 'help.' They need to wash their hands 10 times during the whole thing, because as soon as they've washed their hands, those same hands are up their nose or down their butt-crack again. And they always want to stir, which is a speed competition to them that results in a mess."
4."Watching movies with my kids is not fun to me. They’re 6 and 4 years old, and proceed to ask 1.5 zillion questions during the movie. It should be a time to wind down and relax, but like most toddlers, they are fidgety and need more water or snacks the moment me or my husband sit down."
5."I hate going to other kids' birthday parties. Ugh. They're so loud, and watching presents being opened that mean nothing to anyone but the child opening them is dreadful."
"Any birthday parties, especially for 6 years old and under, are a drag. It's expected that parents stick around to supervise, but sitting around a bunch of other bored parents who I don't know is the absolute worst. It's great that the kid is having fun, but it sucks for the parents."
—Anonymous, 30
6."I feel terrible even just typing it, but I hate rocking my kids to sleep. Hear me out — I love the bonding experience, but it is so frickin' HOT. When they do finally fall asleep, you're covered in their drool, sweat, your own sweat, and tears. Not to mention now that they're asleep, you are either stuck or you risk waking them if you move. It's the worst of both worlds, if you ask me."
7."It's such a pain going anywhere with them. And I mean anywhere. At stores, it's 'I want this!' and 'Can I have that?!' They take their sweet time walking and looking at everything while I'm just trying to grab some milk and bread and go. And restaurants — they act SO EXCITED to go. Then we get there, and they order the same chicken strip plate they always get, act impatient for it to get to them, take two bites when it arrives, and then act bored and annoyed that everyone else is actually there to eat their meal while they're ready to leave. Same with going outdoors. They act excited until we're actually there. Then, nothing is ever good enough — 'It's too hot,' 'It's too cold,' 'There's too much walking,' and 'I want to go home.' Then later on at home you hear, 'That was fun! I want to do that again.' Even though they complained the entire time!
Bravo / Via giphy.com
"And at other people's houses, it's: 'Is that a guitar? I wanna play with it,' 'Is that an Xbox?' I wanna play with it!' 'Can we play hide-and-seek in your house?' and 'Can we have a snack!?'"
8."I love my kids, but I really don't like pretend play. I don't know if it's just me getting older or what, but my lack of imagination and my energy level makes me not enjoy 'playing restaurant' or 'playing puppies,' or whatever my kids want. I still participate, but it's just not fun for me! Now, watching them play pretend is fun for me — I love to see how they use their imaginations."
"It especially irks me when they want me to play pretend with them, and their sibling is RIGHT THERE — I specifically brought extra children into this world so you would have playmates! Their favorite game to play is 'Daycare,' and I finally had to put a stop to it because that’s basically pretending to take care of kids, and that’s my actual job."
"I’m autistic, and so is my oldest. She never wanted to do pretend play — we would play with blocks, color, solve puzzles, and read books, all things I love doing with them. Unfortunately, my youngest is all about pretend play. Luckily, he’s old enough to play on his own most times, and he’s actually got his sister into pretend play, because I’m only able to handle it for a minute before I have to find something else to do."
—mysa
"My kids are older, and same! I’d be exhausted and sweaty, ready to book a solitary night in a hotel, and my daughter would come over and say, 'Mommy, can we play Sandwich and Hamburger?' Sandwich and Hamburger were two cats we’d 'see' on the side of the road, and we’d have to 'take to them to the vet' and 'bring home,' all with squeaky voices, meows, and drawn-out storylines.
"I loved the concept of it, but it would TAKE ME DOWN."
9."Bath time...ugh. I hate it so much! With my twins, my bathroom gets drenched every time. All they do is splash water everywhere, and I have to clean the mess — it is exhausting."
—Anonymous, 34
10."I can barely stand going to the park with my kids. Yes, being outdoors is lovely, but standing around while my kid repeats 'Watch this mommy!' over and over again hurts my soul. It's usually a badly coordinated 'flip' or watching them go down the slide for the umpteenth time, and I have to force yet another smile on my face. Combine that with my intense hatred of sand (it activates my sensory overload) and I want nothing but out!"
—Anonymous, 30
11."I absolutely hate taking my daughter and her friends places. I try to enjoy it, but I find I dislike her friends so much that it makes me not want to be around my daughter and them."
—Anonymous, 48
12."Going out to restaurants is an extremely different experience after having children. I can’t help but feel like we’re that table with the loud kid disrupting the other diners. I always have to bring separate prepared food since he’s too young to eat off the kid’s menu, and I feel like I don’t even get to enjoy my food anymore since I’m feeding myself and him at the same time. Plus, the inevitable mess kids make is really embarrassing to leave behind."
13."Once mine are older than toddler age and know how to swing themselves, it's on them to because I'm not playing and swinging with them at the park. You see all those other kids? Great, go play with them before I decide we're going back home. I'm probably winning the Grouchiest Mom of the Year Award."
Paramount Pictures / Via giphy.com
"We came to the park so you could run around and play, not for you sit on a swing while I push you endlessly on said swings."
—Anonymous, 33
14."Potty training is the worst! I hated it. You have to be patient because they need to learn it, but honestly, as someone with two little kids and a dog, I feel that too much of my day revolves around them going to the bathroom. I wish they would just magically know how to use a toilet, wipe, flush, and wash their hands."
15."I can't stand taking my kids to their therapy appointments, doctor appointments, and so on. The driving is exhausting, not to mention the cost. I'm thankful beyond belief I'm able to do it, but it's tiring me. My oldest kid is missing time with me because I'm gone two to four hours a day taking my other two children to necessary appointments. I could enroll them in pre-school, but they won't get the services they are getting at the children's hospital clinic. I will do this forever if I have to, but deep down, I'm over it after almost four years!"
16."Reading to my toddler is one of my favorite things to do with him...but you can only read the same book so many nights in a row before you're ready to throw it out a window."
ABC / Via giphy.com
"For me it was Brown Bear Brown Bear."
"The Hungry Caterpillar here."
17."My 16-year-old son LOVES to wash his car at home. And for some reason, he thinks I really enjoy doing it with him. So once a week, he says, 'Hey mom, let's go wash our cars!' I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to spend time with my teenager, especially when he is ASKING to hang out with me. But oh man, do I hate hand-washing my car every week. Car washes were invented for a reason!"
LaFace Records / Via giphy.com
—Anonymous, 43
18."Playing any type of board game, but especially Monopoly! It’s all fun and games until my child is losing.
"They should be called 'bored games.'"
19."Driving literally anywhere. I used to go on drives to clear my head and to just enjoy the feeling of driving. Now, my car is never clean, and it's definitely never quiet. Plus, a minivan just isn't as fun to drive as a sportier vehicle. And don't even get me started on road trips with kids."
—Anonymous, 30
20."We went over to someone’s house for a cookout, and the whole time I was on edge. I couldn’t mingle or even really talk to the hosts because I was too busy making sure the kids weren’t doing stuff they shouldn’t have been. And when we go to restaurants, God forbid I try to order something that I need both hands to try and eat. And I better not want it hot either; otherwise, I’m gonna be sorely disappointed."
21."I hate trick-or-treating! Where I live, the weather is usually either very cold or very rainy by the end of October. I love seeing my kid in costume, and I love spooky things, but actually going door-to-door in rainy, cold weather to collect candy that will sit on top of the fridge for a year just does nothing for me."
—Anonymous, 29
22."Brushing their teeth. … It’s the same struggle every day. Why do they always try to push the brush away with their tongue? And them cleaning up their own toys is bothersome, too. We have them pick up after themselves, but their organizational skills are nowhere near an adult’s — if you want it truly orderly, you have to sort through things yourself."
"My son used to hate brushing his teeth, too. But then he found Storybots' "Brush Your Teeth" song on Spotify. Now, he asks to brush every day."
23."Frickin' crafts. It's such a mess."
"I can’t enjoy spending money on crafts stuff that will inevitably end up trashed, hideous, or result in some repeat glitter-sprinkle abomination that is just embarrassing to display. I am a perfectionist with my work, and it irks me to see they well...aren’t. But I know they enjoy it and need to learn, so I keep doing it. Then, I get stuck with cleaning up because I'm also very particular about not wanting my good vacuum to be broken, new cabinets dinged, or carpets wet."
—Anonymous, 41
24."Going to the park is exhausting. It's impossible to leave without it being a fight. I end up having to drag a screaming toddler to the car, and it feels like no matter how much fun he had at the park, it's negated by how hard it is to leave!"
"Yes!!! We don’t even bother anymore. I have four kids, and it’s honestly shocking I haven’t had the cops called on me for a potential 'kidnapping' because three of out of the four legit act like they’re being kidnapped when it’s time to go, and make the biggest scene possible. So, no more parks for us."
25."Leaving the house with kids basically becomes a 10-day trip you have to mentally prepare for. Do you have enough diaper/change of clothes. How long will you be out? Will it affect nap time? Are you going to have to purchase something to keep them occupied? Will food be needed? Forget just leaving in the morning and staying out all day doing whatever — I need to know where I’m going, how long it takes to get there, and how long I plan to be there. Usually, it's just not worth it, and we stay home. I love my kids, but damn, do I just miss waking up and seeing where the day takes me."
26."I love goofing off with my kids and making them laugh, but playing with their toddler toys...sooooo boring. Like, mind-numbingly boring, even though it's so important for their development.
"I know, I sound terrible."
27."I love reading. I read for hours upon hours. We have a home filled with books. But for some reason, I’ve always hated reading aloud. I have an early reader and a child with dyslexia. They both love kids and have fantastic comprehension. They both love long chapter books and unfortunately (for me), could be read to by the hour. So, I read aloud daily, for long periods of time. What looks like a charming time — two sweet kids curled up quietly listening to me read The Chronicles of Narnia or something similar — is actually me internally writhing and just wanting the chapter to be over. Audiobooks are utilized, but are not the same apparently.
"I can’t want until we can all just be curled up together reading our books independently and by ourselves. Now, I would do that all day, every day."
—Anonymous, 40
28."I hate playing with Barbies. My daughter will beg me all day long, and I usually give in and grin and bear it, but I was never into them as a kid. She doesn't have anyone else to play with, so I do, but I absolutely would rather do anything else."
NBC / Via giphy.com
29."I secretly dislike eating with them because they're kind of still...boring. I'm guessing things get better as their stories of life get more interesting and/or they appreciate food, but at their ages of 8 and 5 years old, it's an extreme hassle. I grew up in a household where I ate what was on my plate or I don't eat. My wife, who's a stay-at-home mom, asks them what they want to eat and makes it for them. They've become very picky eaters who complain if there's any type of abnormalities on their food — if the food looks like a different color then what's acceptable or if there's a spec too much of seasoning, they're not eating it. Combine that with kids who seek attention all of the time instead of eating, most of the time, family dinners are an unpleasant experience.
"I sometimes purposely come home later to juuuust miss dinner. Darn! But sometimes, my wife is like, 'That's ok, we waited for you.' Yay..."
—Anonymous, 43
30."I hate hearing the same 'Cocomelon' and 'Super Simple Songs' on YouTube over and over and over..."
CoComelon / Via youtube.com
31."Going out with toddlers is a lost cause. The second they get out of the car, they're throwing a fit and screaming the whole time because they're already tired. It doesn't matter if they've napped 100 times that day, or napped in the car. And if I do actually catch them in a good mood, then I've got about 30 minutes before they do start throwing a fit. That fun beach day with the family that you've been looking forward to? Not fun with a toddler. It's even worse when you're with other families. I've got a great husband that views parenting as an equal shared responsibility, but not all of our friends have a dynamic like that. Their wives will be chasing after screaming toddlers while the men are chilling and drinking beers, you know, actually enjoying themselves.
"My husband will step in when our children get unruly, and the other men will look at him like he's got two heads. I mean, isn't it the woman's job to control the children while the men fart and drink?"
32."My kids, 5 years old and 2 years old, love to sing. And it really is cute when they do! But they sing the same song over and over and over and over again, every single day. I can only hear 'I've been workin' on the railroad' so many times before I want to bang my head against the wall."
—Anonymous, 32
33."I hate when other parents, especially mothers, give me grief when I'm honest that I don't enjoy being a mother. I love my little boy, and I love playing and spending my time with him. I can deal with his temper tantrums and me no longer sleeping, or any of the other asinine things that come with making sure my kid is healthy physically, emotionally, and mentally. But do I love that he's a sleep tyrant or that he pulls my hair? Or wiping his ass? No. I do it because it's my responsibility! So I do not need the mom-shaming or mom-guilt!"
STX Entertainment / Via giphy.com
34."I hate vacations! I have two young kids, 4 and 6 years old, and it is just more trouble than fun. They require so much stuff to pack, constant snacks, are limited in most activities, and are horrible in restaurants. Plus, they sleep horribly in other places. It's just not worth all the money. It's exhausting."
—Anonymous, 40
35."I dread taking my 2-year-old kid to the pool. He loves going, but he constantly tries to go into the deeper water. It makes it stressful on me because he can’t swim by himself yet. I want him to experience the water and make him tired for bed. I love my son so much, but I really miss the days where I could go to the pool and just lay out and read a book!"
—Anonymous, 29
36."I hate having to tell my 16-year-old to shower and having to check his head to make sure he used shampoo. Why can’t he just shower every day without being told?! When does this get better?"
37."I can't stand going to music recitals. The kids are all just so bad, and all the singing sounds the same. I get bored to sleep in the most uncomfortable seats possible, and then I have to pretend it was soooo great."
Fuse / Via giphy.com
—Anonymous, 48
38."I despise going to any large family gatherings with my kids. It's either dealing with crappy food that my kids don't eat so now I have to find some place to go get them something or wait until we get back home, the drive (a minimum of an hour and a maximum of three hours), or dealing with relatives who also have kids but don't supervise them, so me and my partner have to.
"And don't get me started on the fact that we're still in a pandemic, yet they act like it's over!"
—Anonymous, 38
39."I hate waking up with my kids. I love spending time with them. I love watching them play and playing with them. I even love to just have stupid, silly conversations with them! But I cannot stand waking up at 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday just because they are up. I can't wait until they are teenagers and want to sleep until lunch on the weekends, because that's honestly when I love to sleep in."
Cartoon Network / Via giphy.com
—Anonymous, 31
40."I know it brings so much joy to my children, but I hate going to the park. Especially now with COVID — the crowds, the germs, not to mention the ever constant fear of them injuring themselves. My youngest one always wants to go on the biggest slide, which is scary to watch, then gets to the top and refuses to go down. So then, I have to climb up and get them down. The whole time, I feel extremely stressed and cannot wait to leave. I do feel bad, but I’ll be glad when they’re too old for parks. Then, the next stage of worrying about them hanging out in parks as teenagers will kick in!"
—Anonymous, 38
41."I’m trying to get involved with Minecraft and Roblox, but it is hard! They’re just mind-numbing and boring. I guess now I know how my mom felt when I wanted her to play Mario or Crash Bandicoot with me."
Roblox / Via giphy.com
"I just don’t care about Minecraft. My son gets really excited about it and wants to tell us all about it, which is great because he has had problems communicating in the past. It's amazing he found something he is passionate about, but he talks and talks and talks, and I listen and listen and listen. But secretly, I hate it."
—Anonymous, 38
42.And finally: "When mine were toddlers, their pretend play would become incredibly repetitive to me. I enjoyed the first 15-20 minutes, but after that, I deserved an Academy Award for my enthusiastic engagement. However, now that they are teens, and I have been mainly reduced to chef for them and their friends and taxi driver, as well as cheerleader at their sports events, I would take back that boredom in a heartbeat. Not being asked to play anymore...I hate that more than any other part of parenting I've encountered.
This Girl Can / Via giphy.com
"I understand it's normal and a testament to having raised two wonderfully independent children, but it sucks."
—jmcv
Seriously though, it's okay to "fall apart" as a parent every now and then — if society can, why can't you? As long as you're doing your best and showing your kid genuine love even when you'd rather not, you're a great parent in my eyes.
What are some things you secretly hate doing with your own kids? Or what are some things you miss doing with them, now that they're older? Let me know in the comments.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.