30 People Who Didn't Hold ANYTHING Back And Shared Their Toxic Vs. Good-Natured Dating Standards

Reddit user u/AlbatrossPretend7320 asked the community: "What are some serious green flags in guys?"

Well, folks didn't hold anything back and revealed some pretty amazing things they notice from the jump. However, another Reddit thread pointed out the complete opposite, highlighting HUGE red flags that are simply dealbreakers.

So, here are some red flags vs. green flags people think are suuuuuuper important when it comes to relationships (just to get both sides of the story):

Note: Some submissions include topics of domestic and verbal abuse. Please proceed with caution.

1.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "This is probably petty, but not putting the [toilet] seat down. Leaving the lid up is just gross in general, but something just disgusts me about leaving the whole thing up. It makes me view the guy as very inconsiderate to women on a subconscious level."

—u/HollowWind

2.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "Waiting until you get inside your house before driving away."

—u/blue_pony_licker

"My boyfriend always walks me to my car when I’m leaving his place, and he makes sure I made it in safe when he’s dropping me off.

Come to think of it, he actually walks me to the door when he’s dropping me off…but I suspect that’s because he’s usually trying to weasel his way inside so he can stay the night. He still gets credit, though."

—u/Dramiotic

3.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Bad emotional control. Like, if you had a bad day, I'm sorry — but that's not my fault. You shouldn't be taking it out on me by snapping at me or being rude. You're allowed to vent, but you need to direct that somewhere else."

—u/ThanosWifeAkima-4848

4.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "Just listening when you are talking about something you're interested in. He could have no clue what you're talking about, but just listening and at least pretending like he cares means so much. I have had so many people just look at their phones and go, 'Mmm' when I'm trying to talk to them about something I love. It's the worst feeling ever."

—u/_Eliotto_

5.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "I found out recently that baby talk is a dealbreaker for me. Dude speaks three languages, and he said 'peeez' instead of 'please' two too many times. It just made him unattractive to me."

—u/NuttyBoButty

6.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "Makes sure you finish during sex."

—u/Pedsgunner789

"My friend just had sex for the first time with her new boyfriend (it was the first time for both of them). She didn’t get off the first time (close, but no cigar) ,but she said immediately after he was done he went down on her.

The second time she said she got off during sex, and revealed he couldn’t stop smirking proudly when she did ?? —  I told her he sounded like a keeper."

—u/illustriousocelot_

7.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Consistent lateness. Everybody is late once in a while because life, but when you have those people who are constantly late for everything and they leave you waiting for them over and over and over again? I just find it so incredibly disrespectful, and it’s a huge dealbreaker."

—u/Joygernaut

8.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "When meeting someone new, they instantly gain my respect when they consider possible accommodations someone could need. For example, asking if I’m alright with them vaping/smoking before doing so. Once I was a part of a potluck with coworkers and a newer guy asked if anyone had any dietary restrictions/allergies. We became great friends. Also when they acknowledge someone’s holiday even when they don’t celebrate it themselves. I’m not Jewish, but thank you and I hope you have a happy Hanukkah, too!"

—u/SenorAnanas

9.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Yelling at animals is a dealbreaker. I can't stand it when someone screams at an animal for things they can't control, like when a dog or a cat just wants your love and attention. We all get frustrated with our animals, but yelling at them constantly will kill my interest in you ASAP."

—u/Lostmixup

10.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "When I met my now-husband, one of the first things I noticed was how kind he was to animals. He was fostering a dog and would go on special dates with her. If being mean to animals is a red flag, then being good to them is the exact opposite."

—u/Psychobabble0

"During one of our first dates, my now husband pulled over and moved a turtle across the road. Sealed the deal for me."

—u/hk630

11.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Extroversion to the extreme — when they have absolutely no filter, and don't care about the opinions of others. They overshare, and don't understand boundaries."

—u/glitterinmytears

12.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "Disagreeing with you respectfully and honestly, then moving on. A man who accepts that two people can look at the same evidence and reach different conclusions and doesn't have to try to convince me of his viewpoint? Yes, please."

—u/justatrashypanda

13.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "I can't handle intellectually 'lazy' people. If I see a new and novel experience to try and they're like 'eeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh,' then it's not going to work. I need someone who, if I point out something novel, they're like: 'Yeah, alright, let's go.'"

—u/GeebusNZ

14.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "If they treat their mom well, that’s a green flag. It’s totally fine for mothers to do things for their grown children (and in most cases they will be happy to do things for their children). But, if a guy is doing things for his mom to help her out in her later life, that is a green flag for sure."

—u/MinimalSamuel

"I know a guy who is an adult whose mother is a widow, and he lives with her so she won’t be alone. Living with your parents isn’t always a turnoff, men — so don’t feel self-conscious about it."

—u/Shot_Mirror5748

15.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Not having a drivers license. I've driven four hours each way on vacation while my ex slept in the passenger seat — we did that a few times. The 'lazy' jerk never wanted to get it in the first place. Yes, I am somewhat to blame for putting up with it for so long, but I'll never do that again."

—u/BUFUByUsFuckYou

16.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "When he makes sure you’re walking on the inner-side of the sidewalk, away from the street. I didn’t even process that that was a thing until my boyfriend started doing it! It’s such a simple thing, but it always brings a smile :)."

—u/oma1v2

17.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Poking fun at my taste in music or my interests, even if it's in 'a joking way.' I've never done that to any one of my partners, but every abusive partner I have had engaged in that behavior before things got bad. Never again."

—u/Ineffable_Dingus

"I hate that — just let people enjoy the music they like! My partner did this, and it got to the point where I stopped listening to music while doing things — just to avoid the little comments or jokes. I loved her, but that sucked."

—u/Comfortable-Mix1870

18.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "On the first date with my now-fiancé, we were talking about books and I was telling him about some of my favorites. A few weeks later, he told me that he bought and read one of the books I mentioned, and wanted to discuss it with me. It showed me he took my opinions and recommendations seriously, that he actively wanted to find things we have in common, and also that he wasn’t 'ashamed' of reading women's fiction (I hate that term, but it’s such a huge trend that men don’t tend to read books that are primarily made for women!)."

—u/Every_Difference365

19.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Refusing to post a single picture of us together. It doesn't have to be slathered all over socials, but that one really good picture of us on the mountaintop? Why not post that?"

—u/horsewangjackson

20.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "Guys who have a lot of friends who are girls is such a green flag. To me, that gives the impression that they're a guy who girls feel safe around, and that they value women as friends and don't view them all as 'sex objects.' After the first date with my now-husband, I 'Facebook stalked' him and noticed that most of his high school friends were girls. It immediately made me feel like he was a safe guy to continue seeing."

—u/catieebug

21.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Incompatible hobbies (we don't need to have the same hobbies). But, for example, if they're the type of active people who act as if they may die if they breathe indoor air, then we are not compatible."

—u/sachiko468

22.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "Repeat things back in a way that doesn’t appear like mimicry (my old boss taught me that). Example: You meet a new person, and say their name back to them twice in casual conversation (almost right away). Like, 'Where did you say you’re from, Dave? Did you go to school there, Dave?' You’ll never forget a name that way — I guarantee it. You can modify this for other details, too. It’s worked wonders for me."

—u/killsafety

23.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "I like to feel wanted. So, if I'm planning all the dates, initiating all the texts and calls, and initiating sex every time, then it won't work out. I’m gonna feel like you're not into me, and I'd rather not waste my time or yours."

—u/dirtyEEE

24.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "If he doesn’t always talk negatively about the people he supposedly loves. He praises their successes or feels inspired by the people around him, and checks in on them. He's not a people pleaser, but being considerate and respectful is attractive."

—u/krasavetsa

25.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Embarrassing me in public by trying to argue in an obnoxious way."

—u/warmspaff

"I met an older married couple like this today. At first, I thought she was the toxic one and he was the pushover, but nope. They were BOTH toxic!

They clearly hated each other with commitment and passion. I just took a step back, put my game face on, and let these two absolute gunslingers go at each others throats in public."

—u/KapteynCol

26.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "He puts spiders in a cup and carries them outside instead of killing them. This melted my cold, dead heart the first time I saw my boyfriend do this."

—u/apostrophebandit

27.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Conspiracy theories and pseudoscience. Someone who doesn't believe we landed on the moon, someone who believes aliens built the pyramids, and vaccine bullshit. I'm not debating you, I'm not humoring you, and I'm not coming home to our bank accounts drained all because you lack critical thinking skills."

—u/graccha

28.RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "Reacts with compassion and empathy when you're anxious, or takes precautions instead of getting offended or mocking you."

—u/Raaqu

29.RELATIONSHIP RED FLAG: "Not washing their hands after eating with their hands — licking their fingers and wiping it off on their clothes thinking that's 'clean enough.' Yeah, I really hate dirty hands."

—u/Extension-Badger-958

30.And finally, RELATIONSHIP GREEN FLAG: "Obviously this isn't true for everyone (especially if you come from a bad family), but your attitude towards family. One of the things I admire most about my partner is the fact that he makes time every single week to eat dinner with his parents. He does manual labor around their house, and was just generally was raised 'right.' It's extremely attractive."

—u/sugarplumbuttfluck

Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.