Ray Romano Shares the Best Take on Fame, Family and the Secret to a Happy Marriage
Even if you feel like yours is unique, Ray Romano says, “families are the same no matter where you’re from.”
When a stranger starts a conversation with the requisite “How are you?,” there’s a 99 percent chance that the other person will answer with some version of “Pretty good, thanks,” and keep it moving.
Ray Romano falls into the one percent.
“I got a little bit of a head cold,” he answers. Thus begins a tangent in which the actor explains how he recently caught COVID for the very first time and received the news in the makeup room of his next movie that stars Scarlett Johansson and Channing Tatum that happens to be “really fun and kind of a love story and it’s for Apple and they spared no expense” and he took the medication that tasted like metal and tested negative seven days later but then his immunity was knocked down a little and now he’s sick again and “everybody in my family has it too.”
It’s a testament to Romano’s well-honed talent that he can relay all of the above in such an effortlessly amusing way that every word drips with low-key, relatable humor. This same set of skills, after all, is a big reason why his 1996-2005 sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond—which chronicled a New York sportswriter dealing with his wife, brother and pushy parents—remains universally beloved. The former stand-up comic even brought those traits to his subsequent more-dramatic roles in Men of a Certain Age, Parenthood and the movies The Big Sick and The Irishman.
But his latest offering is his most personal yet. Romano co-wrote and directed the film he also stars in, Somewhere in Queens (in theaters April 21), a lived-in dramedy about a close-knit Italian famiglia trying to make it work in the working-class New York City borough. Romano plays Leo, a proud husband to breast-cancer survivor Angela (Laurie Metcalf) and ultra-proud father to his introverted-but-talented high-school basketball-playing son (Jacob Ward). When his boy gets an opportunity to shoot hoops in college, Leo goes to unusual and unexpected lengths to make sure he takes his shot.
Like his alter ego, Romano is a native of Queens. His wife of 35 years, Anna, is a breast-cancer survivor. The couple have four kids in all, and he, too, adored watching his son on his varsity basketball team—perhaps a little too much. “After my son’s last game, I was tearing up a little,” he recalls. “It kind of inspired me to make the story about a guy who felt kind of invisible in his life and had a sense of being somebody because of his son. What if it was all coming to an end? That was the jumping-off point.”
Though he hones in on a specific culture and lifestyle, “the goal was to appeal to everyone because it’s about family,” he says. “And we all can bond over these dynamics. They’re all the same no matter where you’re from.”
Calling in from somewhere in Manhattan, Romano shares his favorite stories with Parade.
So, exactly how autobiographical is this movie? Did you meddle in your son’s future like Leo did?
My son Joe is 6 foot 5 and was the star of his basketball team in L.A. I loved going to the games. And if I’m being honest, I also enjoyed the attention that I got from it. It’s kind of sad if you think about it because I’m a celebrity from TV and I needed more attention. I lived vicariously through him. But he wasn’t going to play in college, unlike my son in the movie.
And did you have immigrant Italian parents?
Mine were second-generation. My wife’s family came right over from Italy. And for 35 years, I experienced that rich tradition of family and celebrating and eating, and I took in their standards and what they believed in. I wanted to write for that universe.
Is it true you lived at home until you were 29? That’s a movie, too.
That was my life! I lived in my mom’s house and moved out the day after I got married. And let me tell you, I have a 25-year-old son still living at the house in L.A. and another who’s 30 and moving out. But I have quite a different house than the one I grew up in. For that one, we had one bathroom and [the house] was about 1,600 square feet. I shared it with my mom, dad and two brothers. My kids have a theater, 11 bathrooms, a pool and tennis courts. I don’t think they want to go anywhere, ever.
Why weren’t you in a rush to leave?
The Italian mother is not quick to kick you out of the house. And I really didn’t find my direction in life until I started doing comedy when I was about 25. I worked at a bank, where I met my wife. Before that, I delivered futons for my friend’s company. I delivered to college kids, and I delivered to Cher. Well, she came in and picked it up. We put it in the trunk of her car.
Describe the stand-up comedy scene in the ‘90s. Was it a dogfight to succeed?
My class was, like, Chris Rock, Louis C.K., Denis Leary, Jon Stewart and Dave Chappelle. I’d see them night in and night out at the clubs in New York City. I don’t know if I’m being naive, but I didn’t find it to be competitive. When Dave got a movie, we were excited about it. The only time I felt threatened was when I had to follow somebody in a club. Like if I’m following Chris Rock, it’s like, Oh my God this is going to be hard.
Did you enjoy that life or were you eyeing a bigger prize, like a Seinfeld?
Yeah, I could see [Jerry] Seinfeld and Tim Allen and Roseanne [Barr] were getting development deals. Was I thinking of that? I can’t say I wasn’t. I was happy doing stand-up but it was not a great living. The gigs came in spurts. And I was on the road while my wife was at home in Queens with three little kids. There were times where I remember having to borrow money from my dad to pay bills because I was having a slow month.
Will you tell the NewsRadio story?
So, I’m 36 and wondering if it’s ever going to happen. And this audition came up for an NBC sitcom starring Phil Hartman. I knew it would get on the air. And I got it. But at the table read, I could feel that the magic I had at the audition wasn’t quite the same. And then on day one at the rehearsal, I felt it even less. By the second day, I was in over my head. Now I’m in L.A., and my wife is in New York with the kids. My phone rings at 6:30 a.m. and it’s my manager telling me the old line: “They’re going in another direction.” I got fired, and Joe Rogan took my place.
It couldn’t have been easy to recover from that.
The timing worked out. About three months later, I happened to do my first spot for David Letterman’s show. I did five minutes. His producer, Rob Burnett, called me at my house in Queens on a Saturday afternoon. He said that Dave loved my act and wanted to sign me to do a development deal. He goes, “Don’t sign with anyone else!” And I said, “There is no one else.” His production company put out Everybody Loves Raymond.
In retrospect, do you think Raymond has received the respect it deserves?
Well, Raymond is not hipster and young and sexy. It’s not Friends or Seinfeld. It’s a little more of the family values thing. But I actually think people appreciate it now in a way they didn’t even five years ago. And I’m a glass-half-empty guy who always finds the negative! But it holds up.
How can you tell if a sitcom holds up?
Look at The Honeymooners. That holds up and it’s just two couples. There’s something about the acting and the writing and it holds up through time even though cultures change. The basic core of the family stays the same. I’m not comparing our show to The Honeymooners, but that’s basically what our show was about. Maybe that’s helped it stand the test of time.
Where do you go after a signature sitcom with your name on it ends?
I knew I didn’t want to do another traditional four-camera sitcom. Raymond was my legacy in that genre. I was drawn to something with a little more dramatic substance to it. Maybe not an intense straight drama, but I wanted to try and test myself. But having someone cast me in that proved to be difficult because when you see someone for nine years in a role it’s hard to see them in anything else. I ended up co-creating Men of a Certain Age. After that, I called Jason Katims, who was in charge of Parenthood. I told him I loved his show and, by the way, I’m unemployed now. I was on Parenthood for three years. People saw me again in a different role.
How did you end up working with Martin Scorsese?
I put myself on tape for an HBO drama called Vinyl, which he [co]-created. The crazy thing is that Martin Scorsese sees the tape and says to his team, “I’m interested in this guy, Ray Romano. Who is he?” He had never seen or heard of me. He had never seen an episode of anything that I’d done.
That doesn’t seem possible.
Well, he’s Martin Scorsese. He doesn’t watch sitcom TV! But it ended up being kind of like a blessing because he just looked at my tapes and liked what he saw and he didn’t have to erase my character from his mind. So, I got into his Rolodex, and then he cast me in [2019’s] The Irishman.
For The Irishman, you co-starred with Al Pacino, De Niro and Joe Pesci. Let’s hear your best anecdote.
That was super-frightening. I knew Joe Pesci a little bit because we belong to the same golf club. But acting with De Niro and Pacino was totally surreal. The funny thing happened on day two, which was my first scene with De Niro. I’m the lawyer for the Teamsters, and he’s on trial. So we’re going back and forth, and he’s sitting across from me. Scorsese is right behind me. In my head, I’m going, Oh sh—t. I’m doing a one-on-one scene with De Niro. It takes about three hours to film, and the scene ends, and it’s a wrap. I don’t need anyone to pat me on the back, but nobody said anything. Everyone just walked out. I called my wife and said, “I don’t know if I’m pulling it off.”
Then what happened?
We’re all staying at this hotel in Long Island. I go to check in and De Niro walks up. This is a few hours after we wrapped, right? And I hadn’t had a conversation with him. All I hear is “Ray?” and I look and it’s him. I could only say, “Hey.” He doesn’t say a word. He just walks over to me, puts his hand on my shoulder, kisses me on the check and walks away. You know, yes, I was happy. But then I started thinking, Well, this is a mafia movie. A kiss sometimes isn’t good because it means you’re the next to go!
How do you feel about releasing a movie in theaters in 2023?
People are going to watch it in their house, that’s fine. But the reward of making a movie for me is being able to sit in a theater with a roomful of strangers and feel the bond. The communal experience is why I hope theaters don’t go away. And stadium-style seating needs to go. If you can’t see anyone and you’re watching a comedy, you’re laughing in a vacuum.
Did you inspire any of your four kids to follow in your footsteps?
They’re trying to figure it out. My daughter [Alexandra, 32] works for a PR firm that handles celebrity chefs and restaurants. My twin boys [Matthew and Gregory, 30] are working on a documentary, so they kind of want to get in there. And my younger son [Joe, 25] has mentioned wanting to take acting classes but he hasn’t really pulled the trigger yet. But they’re attracted to it.
Is that a good thing?
You know, it depends. I didn’t have any kind of passion until I discovered stand-up. So, it’s a good thing that they’re driven and ambitious and dedicated. But it’s a tough business. There are a lot of rejections. As a father, that scares me a little. One of them has even mentioned stand-up. It’s scary but I think I’d rather have them do it—even if they fail and/or flail, at least they’re out there.
Given that you’ve been married since 1987, do you have any pearls of relationship wisdom?
Oh, boy. Well, this came from one of my many therapists I’ve had in my life. And his quote was, “Pretend you’re not a narcissist.” What he means is pay attention. Get out of yourself once in a while and make sure you show them that they matter. Not that I don’t do that, but when you’re in this business, you’re sometimes so wrapped up in yourself that you’ve got to remember it.
In fairness, you’ve done well for a guy who lived at home until he was 29.
The only reason why I say I lived in my mom’s house until I was 29 is because I ended up doing OK. Otherwise I’d be embarrassed!
Ray Romano's Favorites
All-time favorite movie It has to be the first Rocky [from 1976].
Last TV binge The White Lotus
Favorite Pizza Place in Queens Lillian Pizzeria in my hometown of Forest Hills.
Book on the Nightstand Manhunt: The 12-Day Chase for Lincoln’s Killer by James L. Swanson. I’m glad I’m reading so I have an answer!
First Comedy Album I don’t remember the name, but it was Cheech and Chong.
Go-to Hobby Playing poker. You’ve got to be willing to go all-in or they’ll push you around.
Secret Talent I can name any capital of any country in the world. I’m not kidding. But it doesn’t mean I’m smart.
Favorite Early Celebrity Encounter I delivered a futon to Larry David in the ‘80s. This was before Seinfeld, but I knew him from a TV show he did called Fridays. I asked him, “What happened with Fridays?” And he goes, “Eh.”
Favorite New York Sports Team Baseball is the Yankees and football is the Jets. I grew up in Queens, which is Mets country, but my brother and cousin were Yankees fans and they were older so I just followed them.
