Ready to talk to your kids about drugs? Here's what experts recommend.

Not that long ago, kids were told to “just say no” to drugs and shown ads telling them their brains would be fried like an egg if they used drugs. But research now shows that those attempts to convince children to steer clear of drugs failed, largely because these programs involved telling kids what to do rather than engaging them in meaningful discussion. They also did not teach kids the essential social skills they need to resist pressure to try drugs from both peers and dealers.

But experts say that there are effective ways to talk to kids about drugs and substance abuse — and they don’t involve scare tactics or lectures. Here's why having honest, fact-based conversations early and often is the best way to protect kids from the dangers of substance abuse.

When should parents broach the topic with kids?

Parents should start conversations around substance abuse as “early as possible,” says Flora Sadri-Azarbayejani, a physician who works with those in recovery from substance abuse.

Brent Metcalf, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in alcohol and drug addiction counseling, specifies that parents should talk to their children about substance abuse no later than age 9, because that’s the age some kids are introduced to alcohol and drugs. It's also when the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that pediatricians start screening children for substance abuse.

It’s important to start this discussion early because “gateway drugs are real,” says Dr. Lantie Jorandby, chief medical officer at Lakeview Health treatment center. “If kids use one of the three gateway drugs — alcohol, tobacco or cigarettes — between the ages of 12-17 their risks of using harder drugs goes up dramatically,” she says.

As uncomfortable as talking about drugs with children may be, parents need to raise the topic periodically. “It's important to keep teaching [children] about the dangers of drug use, even after they are adults,” says Sadri-Azarbayejani, “Encourage them to make smart decisions and remain safe no matter what their circumstances may be.”

How to talk to kids about drugs

When it comes to talking to kids about drugs, Jorandby says it’s very important that parents “know your facts, do your homework.”

Sadri-Azarbayejani advises parents to have open, honest conversations and create an environment where “children feel comfortable talking to you about anything.” To get kids to engage, “use a nonjudgmental approach [and] avoid accusations," she says, adding that parents shouldn't "lecture or preach or "try scare tactics." Those approaches "don't work well."

Instead, Sadri-Azarbayejani suggests “providing [children] with accurate information and resources so that they can make informed decisions.” It’s also important to answer any questions factually using age-appropriate language.

What are age-appropriate ways to discuss the various types of drugs?

Metcalf recommends consulting the Partnership to End Addiction guide on age-appropriate ways to talk to kids as young as 2 about substance use. The advice includes basic discussions such as letting a young child know that it’s only OK to take medication when a doctor or parent says they need it, and that taking someone else’s medicine could make them sick.

Once kids reach middle school, parents can start talking to them about the “specific effects and risks of using drugs and how drugs can impact their decision-making skills and capacity to think clearly, which can lead to poor judgment and potentially dangerous consequences,” says Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho, the clinical director at Absolute Awakenings rehabilitation center. She explains that helping kids understand “how drugs change how the human body and brain work will help them understand why they should avoid using drugs at all costs.”

Talking to teens may look different. “Start asking what or if they know about specific drugs," says Jorandby. "Chances are very high one of their friends or classmates is using." Parents should "show you are really listening” and express curiosity about their lives without being judgmental, she adds.

How to discuss fake pills

Many drugs sold illicitly look almost identical to the prescription version. This makes it difficult for children to know if drugs they buy off of social media are real or a potentially more dangerous dupe. Lester Morse, founder and director of Rehabs UK and East Coast Recovery, says to tell children “there is no safe way of taking illegal drugs. All drugs that are not supplied by a licensed pharmacist are dangerous. There is no way of knowing what you’re taking.” This is vital for children to understand because “not knowing what is in a drug can also lead to serious issues or even death. Illegal drugs are being mixed or cut by untrained people and with certain chemicals like fentanyl there is little room for errors. The result can be fatal,” Morse explains.

Jorandby adds that there are commercially available strips that can test for fentanyl. However, she emphasizes that “the safest thing to do is not take a pill that looks legit unless you have obtained it from a legitimate prescription and pharmacy. Even obtaining a pill from a friend or neighbor is risky, as they may have obtained it from a non-legitimate source.”

How to address peer pressure

Nearly every child will feel pressure to try drugs at some point. Metcalf recommends that parents “brainstorm with your child ways to say 'no' or avoid places where they may be offered" drugs. He cautions parents to “stop talking and be willing to listen.” Rather than lecturing kids, “let it be a two-way conversation,” he says.

"The best approach is to give your children the tools they need to make smart decisions," says Sadri-Azarbayejani. "Encourage your kids to think independently and remind them that they don't have to do something just because everyone else is doing it.” It’s also important that children know they can always call a parent or other trusted adult if they are feeling pressured and want to extricate themselves from a situation, she adds.

However, she emphasizes that the foundation for resisting peer pressure starts with early conversations about drug abuse. “By providing your kids with the support and information they need, you can help them make smart decisions when it comes to drugs and other risky behaviors,” she says.

And what if a child's friend is using drugs? Morse strongly recommends telling their parents, noting that “one of the biggest issues with addiction has always been how it is often hidden.” If a parent knows where children are getting drugs, “they should always inform the police if they feel safe [doing] so,” he adds.

Know the risks posed by social media

“As soon as your child logs onto social media, they have access to the largest unregulated drug market at their fingertips,” says Larissa May, founder and executive director of digital wellness nonprofit #HalfTheStory and advocate for the Kids Online Safety Act (KOSA). “Kids no longer have to meet dealers on the street — the dealers are in their pocket, in their bedrooms and at your dinner table.” May explains that dealers use hashtags and emojis to market drugs to children, then rely on settings meant to protect user privacy to cover their tracks.

Even children who aren’t interested in drugs are at risk. Drug dealers use social media to “recruit kids who might not be looking for drugs and try to ‘build friendships’ with them … which can lead down dangerous roads,” explains May. Compounding the problem is the algorithms social media use. “Once a child engages with drug content, the content will continue,” she notes.

Sarah Fletcher, chief clinical officer at Sandstone Care treatment centers, explains that the perceived level of anonymity of social media “makes teens feel more secure when buying drugs.” Social media hasn’t just made it easier to buy substances and hide drug use from parents, it has also heightened the level of risk involved since many substances sold through social media are being laced with other, more dangerous, substances like fentanyl, Fletcher tells Yahoo Life.

How can parents discuss their own drug use?

“Trying to shield children from the truth is a recipe for disaster, even though that’s what most parents' natural desire is to do,” says Morse. He elaborates that parents shouldn’t shy away from this discussion because they are ashamed. “Children are smarter than we give them credit for and they can sense it; the ‘not knowing’ or ‘being lied to’ is what screws them up. This is because they never learn to trust themselves or their parents,” he says.

According to Morse, if parents use drugs socially “it is important to help [children] fully understand why you do it. Give them all the facts, not just what makes you look good.”

If parents are using drugs more than just socially, Morse says it’s important to “tell the complete truth about your struggles.” Carvalho agrees and says it’s important to “let [children] know about the negative consequences of drug use that have happened to you or people close to you, and explain how important it is for them not to follow in those footsteps.”

What else can parents do?

If parents want to help kids make good choices, Jorandby says it’s important to “build a protective environment for your teen. Teens who have opportunities to develop healthy social bonds, in school or with family, have lower risk of drug use.” She also recommends giving teens recognition for positive behaviors, encouraging social activities and helping them build resilience so they can better handle stress.

Carvalho stresses that parents should also let their children know that they will “provide support if they ever need help or have any questions related to drug abuse.”

Sadri-Azarbayejani adds that parents can go beyond talking and be good role models. “Show them that there are healthier ways to have fun and experience new things without resorting to substances,” she says.

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