This Reddit Mom Calls Herself ‘The Grinch of Thanksgiving’ & Our Hearts Grew Three Sizes After Hearing Why
Wear your Sunday best, sit still, and wait hours for dinner. Oh, and don’t touch anything at Grandma’s house, OK? Exactly none of that sounds fun for little kids, yet for some reason, this is what people expect of them on Thanksgiving. This leads to lots of frustrated tears (mostly from mom) and overall chaos. (Toddlers aren’t that great at following the rules yet.) When it’s finally time to eat, little ones who subsist on a diet of mostly chicken nuggets and strawberries shockingly aren’t too excited about the obscure casseroles and other high quality cuisine presented to them. *Sigh.* What are you going to do? This Reddit mom is tired of it, which is why she calls herself “The Grinch of Thanksgiving,” and it’s so relatable.
In the Parenting subreddit, a mom of a 7-year-old and a 3-month-old admits that her husband thinks she’s “pretty awful” because she’s dreading Turkey Day. But after hearing her story, moms of little kids will definitely relate to her.
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For starters, her husband has to work remotely on Thanksgiving, so he’s packing up his stuff to clock in at the celebration, while the mom watches the kids.
“The plan is to pack up our two kids and three dogs and be at his parents house by 8am so he can clock into work,” she wrote. “At which point it will be me in charge of the two kids and three dogs while he is busy working.”
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But she won’t be alone on the holiday — her in-laws will be there. Too bad they sound like they’ll actually make it worse.
“My FIL is the type to drink beer in his garage or like go off with my SILs kids,” she continued. “The SIL is sleeping over to make a vegan thanksgiving meal for everyone while her 3 year old and 1.5 year old are ‘watched’ by FIL and her husband. Meanwhile I’ll be having my MIL trying to hold my EBF baby and my 7 year old will be going in different directions but I’ll have to keep an eye on both? Just thinking about it is giving me so much anxiety.”
It’s giving us anxiety just reading it! It also reminds me of how much I dread big holiday get togethers. The kids are either overstimulated or extremely curious, I’m pulled in many different directions, and it’s exhausting. I can’t imagine not having my husband there to help, poor girl!
Add the dogs too, and it’s a whole new level of stress. “Meanwhile our dogs are not allowed IN their house so they’re going to be locked on a patio and need to be leash walked because they have chickens,” she continued. “Anyway i don’t want to but I’m doing it and then after the early lunch at his parents we’re supposed to pack up and then drive to my moms house where my head REALLY wants to explode.”
Aww, the dreaded shuffling from one relative’s house to another. If you’re one of the lucky few whose kids were perfect angels at the first Thanksgiving of the day, their good behavior probably won’t last through another one. And if you’re like us, and your kids are cranky, tired, and fussy by the end of lunch, it’ll be a real joy to bring them to dinner…NOT!
“My mom is a narcissist who told me my baby was autistic because it didn’t want to look at her last time we visited,” the mom wrote. “My cousins will be there who have a 7 and 8 year old, there’s a pool so they’ll want to swim where they rough house which is obviously dangerous but I’m the only bad guy who stops it. So I’ll be with my baby, watching the 7 year old in the pool policing with the cousins where my husband will inevitably be ‘tired’ from working or off talking to my moms boyfriend about politics or something stupid snd I’ll be alone.”
There’s a lot to unpack here — she should definitely bring this up with a therapist! — but can we talk about the husband for a second? Intrusive relatives and reckless kids are one thing, but not having a partner to rely on to help is the absolute worst. She has two babies, not three! There is no reason she should be this “on” all day on a holiday when everyone else gets to relax and have fun. That husband needs to step up and take over so she can hide in her childhood bedroom and drink wine in peace.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem likely to happen for this mom.
“I’m the default parent who also homeschools the oldest and I’m tired just in general and he doesn’t understand that family visits are even more work for me,” she continued. “Having the kids out of their element with extra stimuli and no real help besides my mom being rude or my MIL being clueless and too much.”
She continued, “He was all pissed like we shouldn’t go because you’re just going to have an attitude. I’m like I’m not the only person- who actually likes thanksgiving? And he’s like MILLIONS OF PEOPLE DO. Okay great so I’m the one bad guy who isn’t eager to go be overstimulated while you relax and eat food. Like fuck me.”
Sure, millions of men do! But millions of moms are likely feeling just like us — stressed to the max trying to socialize, cook, keep the children happy and safe, and maybe even get half a chance to shovel food in our mouths with a fussy baby on one knee while everyone else gets to eat, drink, and merrily judge all our life decisions. I basically live in Whooville now, because I’m totally a Grinch of Thanksgiving, too
This mom continued in her post, “I honestly just want to scream and cry because I know I’m going to go do it snd he’s gonna be like ‘see it wasn’t that bad’ or something horrible WILL happen and hell be like ‘well who could have known that would happen’ or something stupid. I wish I could just spend the day in bed- why isn’t that an option lol I’m so thankful for my bed :(.”
Girl, I feel you! Many Redditors did too.
“The problem isn’t thanksgiving it’s the way you are planning on spending it. Time to ditch playing happy families and enjoy yourselves at home,” one person wrote.
“At your moms house, hand the baby to your husband and tell him you have the baby, I’ll watch the 7 yr old and at 5 pm well both walk the dogs. Divide the duties!” another wrote. “He’s not any more tired than you are when he’s done working a half day because you have just worked a half day as well.”
Many suggested they come up with a new Thanksgiving plan. “I’m anxious just reading about your day. Please ask you husband where your mental health falls in the list of priorities, above or below appeasement of the family,” one person said. “If it was so important you go then he should be off work to help. And no, you don’t owe anyone time. And why do you want to expose your children to your mom who sounds like a huge PITA? Girl. Skip it. Have a movie day with 7 yo and baby in bed. Make frozen pizza and popcorn. Have fun. Not stress.”
“This is our first year with a kid for a major holiday. We decided for thanksgiving, we aren’t leaving the house. It’s too difficult,” another said. “If people wanna come over, that’s great. Otherwise we will see ya some other time.”
“That sounds stressful AF. I’m getting crabby just easing your post,” someone else commented. “I’m also a grinch of Thanksgiving. It is a lot of stress to be at someone else’s house for hours and hours (with kids who are then out of their routine) and forced to sit down to an unnecessarily large meal of foods that are tasty yet make me feel like shit, so the I regret even eating. I hate Thanksgiving.” Ha! So true.
Another countered, “You’re not the Grinch of anything from where I’m standing,” which is a fair point, too. “Girl, take the advice given here and rest. Keep your EBF baby with you and go on your schedule. Your husband can either compromise or not sleep in that bed you are so grateful for. On a more serious note though, is he the type you can sit down and openly communicate with to come up with a compromise/divide up duties with? If not, find a therapist pronto.”
The mom commented to clarify why she feels like she “has” to celebrate Thanksgiving this year. “My original plan this year was that I was not going to anyone else for the holidays and I wanted to order Chinese food and relax,” she wrote. “But he lost both his grandmothers in the past few weeks and so his family is really wanting everyone to be together. Also my husband says it’s important for our son to build memories with his cousins, which I do agree with. Essentially he knows it will he hard but he thinks it’s worth it. Also if we don’t go to them they’ll want to meet up over the weekend and then i sacrifice both days which puts me behind in my day to day(I’m back in college online and am the default parent/keep the house). But the deal now is Christmas Day I’m going no where.”
Good for her for setting that Chistmas boundary! She also added a clarification to her post to reveal that they decided to leave their dogs at home to eliminate one major stressor.
“We talked about it last night and he agreed to leave the dogs at home in the yard for the day,” she said. “We’ll be gone from around 630am to get to his parents at 8 then leave there after lunch (around2/3) then go to my moms and stay there til 7/8 so it’s going to be a very long day for the dogs to be alone which is why he wanted to bring them.”
She continued, “Although, I know I’m ALLOWED to say no, I’m just tired of being the bad guy. He’s the ‘fun’ one and I always have to look at things the realistic way and have been seen recently as the negative one. He doesn’t understand why I think going places with the kids is so hard because he’s not the one breastfeeding and I’m not the ‘social’ one so he is usually talking and enjoying himself while I am policing everything.”
“It’s truly a me problem but I can’t help how I am lol,” she added. “I explained it all last night and he swore he would help me with parenting during the day when he’s off work. I have my doubts but I’m just going to go. Maybe we’ll get to stay home next year. But i don’t feel like hosting so that’s what is keeping me from really pushing that. I don’t want to plan and cook a meal for like 20 people and have a bunch of young kids at my own house because that seems even worse lol.”
We’re all doing our best when it comes to the holiday season and any other time. So, if you decide to skip it or let your kids eat pie for dinner (done that) or hide with your breastfeeding baby, no worries! You do you, mama, and we’re all right there with you. For more tips on making it through the holidays with family this year, follow this handy guide.
Before you go, check out these unbelievable stories about Reddit’s worst dads.
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