Sam Claflin on being a single dad: ‘I knelt behind the kitchen cupboard having a little cry’

It was at some point during that first interminable lockdown that Sam Claflin found himself on the kitchen floor, crying. It had been less than a year since he had announced his separation from the mother of his two children, the actor Laura Haddock, all his work was on hold, and it quickly became clear to him that ‘I’d been holding in emotions for decades’.

‘I think I wasn’t in a good head space,’ he says of the time that Covid hit. He had been working non-stop, filming the part of Oswald Mosley in Peaky Blinders. As soon as that was over, he was offered the role of troubled rock star Billy Dunne in the Amazon television adaptation of Taylor Jenkins Reid’s bestselling novel Daisy Jones & The Six.

‘It was like a tornado. They said: “You need to decide whether or not you’re moving to LA tomorrow!” And that was a huge move. I had to run it by my kids’ mum and talk to my kids about it.’

As it was, Covid happened, and everything got put to one side. ‘It allowed me time to step back and go, “How is this working?” It gave me time to come to terms with being a single parent, but also with the story and the character of Billy.’

It was a pivotal time for Claflin. He found himself back in London learning to play the guitar (he had never picked one up in his life), as well as potty training his then two-year-old daughter. ‘We had to learn how our dynamic was going to work. It was me learning how to run a household plus looking after two toddlers.’

He loved the time he had with Pip, now seven, and Margot, now five, but it was not without its pressures, and so it was that he ended up slumped on the kitchen floor sobbing. ‘I think I was really tired. The kids were both in different areas of the house, both calling, “DADDY!” And I was like, “I just want to sit down! Why can’t we watch a movie?”’ He mimes crying.

‘They didn’t see me, but I remember I just knelt down behind the cupboard, having a little tear-jerker. I was like, “Wow, I didn’t know I could do this; this is weird!”’

Once the floodgates opened, they didn’t close for a while. When he eventually got out to LA for filming, some 18 months later, the tears were so numerous that, at times, the director had to ask for him to play the role with a little bit less emotion. ‘I used to go for runs in Griffith Park almost daily, and I would listen to this really sad music. It was like my meditation.

;I would switch off and forget about everything for an hour, but on the way home I’d always give myself 10 minutes of walking, to cool down. And pretty much every other day I’d burst into tears.

'I’d be thinking about the scenes I was shooting or about my own life and how they were related. There were certain scenes where I could literally hear myself having had that conversation with someone [in real life].’

Anyone who’s read Daisy Jones & The Six will know that there is many a juicy scene: the tale of the break-up of a fictional 1970s rock band, said to be loosely based on Fleetwood Mac, it is crammed full of sex, drugs and, yes, rock’n’roll. It also delves into the impact of infidelity on marriage, the trappings of fame, and a man caught between his personal ambitions and his devotion to his family. And so I have to ask: which scenes exactly reminded him of his own life?

‘I don’t know if I can say,’ he blushes. ‘Because then I’d be giving it away. But it was still so raw and fresh and it was the first big job I’d done in a long time, especially after Covid and a lot of personal things. I was just ready to tell that story, ready to let my emotions out. This is the first job I’ve ever done where I didn’t need tear sticks. I was struggling not to cry through certain scenes.’

He smiles and shrugs. ‘It’s just because I’ve now lived a life. I’m in a place where I’m now willing to confront my demons, if you will. Apologise for them. The things that have been locked away, I’m now willing to talk about them.’

Claflin was born 36 years ago in Norwich, to Sue, a teaching assistant, and Mark, a finance officer. His upbringing was full of love, but was not without its challenges. His father has had chronic health conditions for as long as Claflin can remember. ‘He had many struggles with his health, so in a sense was absent quite a lot, but was always as present as he could be.

‘He had diabetes, he very nearly went blind, and then he had to retire in his 30s after he had a heart attack. He was on dialysis for a long time.’ But he adds, ‘My parents never allowed that to infiltrate our minds. They were always very supportive and very free with allowing us to do what we wanted to do. We were fortunate.’

He is certainly not from crying stock. It’s not that it was frowned upon, more that the Claflins came up with other ways to deal with his father’s illness, such as playing football. ‘I’m from a very male family,’ explains Claflin, who is the third of four brothers. ‘I think having brothers, there was a competitive nature. We all played football. So as much as no one was telling me, “You’re not allowed to cry,” I think I sort of noticed that we were not meant to be crying here.’

He loved football, but a broken ankle led him to discover drama, which he threw himself into. In 2009 he graduated from Lamda – the prestigious London acting school that counts Benedict Cumberbatch, Ruth Wilson and Chiwetel Ejiofor as alumni – and was almost immediately cast in the kind of blockbusters his peers would have given their right arms for.

First came a role in Pirates of the Caribbean, then Snow White and the Huntsman, alongside Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart. But it was in 2013 that he really broke through, when he won the role of Finnick Odair in the Hunger Games trilogy. From there it was only a hop, skip and jump into rom-com territory, starring alongside Emilia Clarke in Me Before You and Lily Collins in Love, Rosie.

He is one of those quintessentially handsome British actors that Hollywood goes wild for, making it all look effortless. So I am surprised to meet a man who is slightly nervous, far from the put-together Hollywood heartthrob I’d imagined.

When I mention the word ‘heartthrob’, he looks genuinely surprised: ‘I love hearing that, keep going!’ But no, he says, he does not consider himself very Hollywood or very heartthrobby. He is nervous, a bit insecure and, within about three minutes of meeting, reveals he is just a few months into starting therapy for the first time: ‘I think I’ve spent my entire life looking for approval, which is why I’m an actor. I seek approval, but even when I hear approval, I don’t believe it, and this is really what I’m working on.’

Over tea and juice at a restaurant in London’s King’s Cross, he admits that he really identified with his character in Daisy Jones & The Six. The 10-part series was co-produced by Reese Witherspoon and stars Riley Keough, daughter of the late Lisa Marie Presley, as the titular character. Rock star Billy is trying to stay sober and faithful, and though Claflin has problems with neither of these things, he understands the character’s struggle to find balance. ‘Being a musician, but also being a good dad, the fear of not being a good parent, being a husband, staying sober, being a brother… There were so many aspects of my own experience that I could lean on in that respect.

‘I have my dad hat, my co-parent hat, my boyfriend hat, and then my son hat and my actor hat. And my actor hat is where I think I’m happiest.’ He stops for a moment and looks aghast. ‘No, that’s a lie! I’m happiest when I’m with my kids, obviously! I suppose what I mean is that when I’m acting, there’s routine, and that’s where I feel comfortable. Whereas as a dad, I’m constantly fearful that I’m going to mess it up. I’m constantly struggling and going, “Is this the right thing? Should I be doing this?”’

The kids came with him to LA during filming: ‘I got a house with a pool, I taught my daughter to swim and I was also homeschooling them.’ He would get up at 7am, homeschool them until 1pm, then bring a nanny in while he was at work: ‘I’d get in at 2am, [go to bed] then wake up and do the same.’

It was full-on, but it’s clear he loved it. He knew nothing about 1970s rock when he auditioned. ‘My audition was the first time I’d ever walked into a recording studio. I’d never sung with a microphone.

I’d done musical theatre growing up, but I hadn’t sung for 10 years, except during a terrible, horrendously embarrassing audition for Cats. I’m glad that it didn’t work out,’ he laughs. ‘But I really, really wanted it at the time.’ His history with singing roles was not good, he tells me. ‘I also auditioned for Les Misérables. Eddie Redmayne was just before me, and I was in the waiting room, and I overheard them before I went in, giving him the part.’ He laughs at the horror of it. ‘They were like, “Eddie, you are going to be the perfect Marius!” I thought, “What am I doing here?!” So I get more nervous singing than I do anything else. I was petrified going into this.’

He was grateful for the delay in filming caused by Covid, as previously he had been given only four weeks to learn to play the guitar, and sing 20 songs. That period between getting the part and actually beginning to film was also one of ‘self-reflection’: ‘It gave me time to invest in myself for the first time. I’m so used to working and putting other people before myself.’

This is one of the reasons he started therapy. ‘It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. One of my biggest issues is I tend to put the needs of others before myself and, during Covid, I was like, “I really need help with this.”’ But he kept putting it off. ‘And then I got back [from filming Daisy] and I just needed to organise myself better. I felt burnt out.

I let friendships dwindle at times. And I’d get to a certain point, and it was like, “Why do I keep getting myself to this same place?” So I did some research and met with someone a few months ago. I’ve done a lot of self work and realised a lot of negative patterns or bad choices I have made. It is like a huge weight has lifted. I feel like I’m in a better place mentally and emotionally.’

He and Haddock have successfully navigated the trials of divorce and learning to co-parent. The pair met at an audition for the 2011 film My Week with Marilyn. Their separation in 2019, six years after they married, was announced on Instagram with the message: ‘We will move forward with nothing but love, friendship and a deep respect for one another.’ They haven’t uttered a bad word about one another publicly since.

‘It’s amazing,’ he says. ‘We live close together in Buckinghamshire. We’re just very supportive as a unit. We’re grateful that we have two very understanding and well-behaved – to a point – kids,’ he laughs. ‘We’re the same but we’re in two different houses. We’re still a family. I want to be a hands-on dad and so it comes with its difficulties when you’re not with the kids every day. But I think there are so many parents who can relate to that, and I think it’s a good thing to feel, rather than, “Thank God they’re not here!”

'I’ve met some parents who have separated and are fighting over who has to have the kids. Whereas we are like, “I would love to have them if you are busy.” So it’s all very supportive. We’re fighting the right fights.’

He has found new love, with model Cassie Amato, who lives in LA and was previously linked to Leonardo DiCaprio. It all sounds very glamorous, I say. ‘Oh, I don’t really experience that,’ he replies. ‘I haven’t been to one of those glitzy parties in about four years. I don’t feel remotely Hollywood.’

Though Amato is based in LA, he spends most of his time in the UK. ‘Because I’ve got the kids here, they’re priority number one. She’s been spending time here. I’ve been bouncing a bit. We just do it however we can.’ I ask what he would do if he was given a day off. ‘Probably just sit at home and cry,’ he jokes. ‘No. I’d take my dog for a walk, work out, watch a film. My life is so hectic, especially when I’ve got the kids. By the time you’ve got them in bed and cleaned the house, it’s time for my bed.’

I get the sense he has shed skin in the last couple of years. ‘Yeah, I think that’s the best way of describing it,’ he nods. ‘This [filming Daisy Jones] was my therapy. It was like my fresh start. I felt like I was able to approach this job very differently to any job I’d done before. I was ready to use my experience, instead of just acting.’

Has he had an epiphany? ‘Maybe,’ he nods, handsomely. ‘That’s one way to describe it.’

Styling by Tom O’Dell

Daisy Jones & The Six launches on Prime Video on March 3