Your kid doesn't need to sit in Santa's lap — and even Santa agrees
A Santa Claus is going viral for his comments about boundaries. In a video, mother Katie Love posted on TikTok, a Jolly Old St. Nicholas greeting children in Key Biscayne, Fla., supported Love’s daughter’s choice not to sit in his lap. “I said this is her body, and she’s in control of her body,” said the man, who is also a reverend and goes by the Rev Santa on social media. Love told Storyful that she was “surprised” that Santa “took the time to tell my daughter it was her body and her choice whether she wanted to sit on Santa's lap,” noting “he could have brushed her off or even made her feel bad.”
Many commenters on Love’s TikTok applauded both Santa and Love’s daughter for protecting her boundaries. One wrote, “I love this. No reason to pressure her to be uncomfortable for a picture,” while another added, “Love that he didn't try to push her into it and that she knew her own mind to say no.”
Santa Claus and consent
This isn’t the first time the question of consent has come up in regard to Santa Claus and children. After all, Santa Claus may be a beloved holiday figure, but he’s also a stranger that a child is potentially not comfortable with.
Last December, mom Alexandra Frost explained her thoughts on the “bizarre tradition” in a piece for Yahoo Life titled "I won't make my kids sit on Santa's lap. Why we should all stop this outdated trend."
“We teach our kids to run from strangers, screaming at the top of their lungs, unless they are dressed up as Santa. We teach them physical boundaries about touching and limits, unless we are paying $25 to get a picture taken with them sitting on said stranger,” Frost wrote.
Her advice? "As with most things, giving them the option to do whatever they are most comfortable with takes the pressure off, and makes Santa more about Christmas magic and less about awkwardness and tear-filled photos. Some traditions should just stay in the last century."
How to teach your kids about boundaries
While not every adult will understand why you’re letting your kids choose how they want to physically interact with the world, allowing your kids to set boundaries — such as whether or not they want to accept a hug or kiss — can help build their confidence and sense of safety, Kelly Nadel, a parent coach and psychotherapist, previously told Yahoo Life. Just as Santa did in this video, Nadel said it’s important to "speak early and often about body sovereignty.” Validating a child’s emotions and experience, she said, “sets the tone for consent because a child will always be getting the message that they know their body best."
Parents can make sure their children feel comfortable by speaking to them before a potential interaction about why it’s acceptable to say no, even if they might receive some pushback. Catherine Pearlman, founder of the Family Coach, previously told Yahoo Life that it starts with "the parent accepting that their child does not have to hug and kiss Uncle Joe or Grandpa.” It’s not a sign of disrespect, she said, but a way for the child to respect what they need and want.
Since you “still have to greet people,” Pearlman said, you can teach your kids to find new ways to do so that may make them feel more comfortable. “Parents may teach [their kids] how to shake hands,” she added. “They might do a fist bump or they might have a dialogue — and parents can role play this before the holidays."
As psychologist Aliza Pressman, host of the podcast Raising Good Humans, previously told the HuffPost, “If our messaging is about teaching kids to honor their gut, to expect people to respect their boundaries and to say ‘no’ when someone is making them feel physically unsafe, we have to make the concept of consent part of the messaging, no matter the context.”
