RSVP no to that holiday party. Science says it's OK.

If you’re feeling overextended this month, you’re not alone. This season, around 89% of Americans report holiday-related stress, according to the American Psychological Association. Over 30% blame it on too many obligations and not enough time, between last minute shopping, travel planning and the constant influx of holiday parties.

In fact, one survey found that Americans lose on average an hour of sleep a night this time of year, which can impact mood and lead to burnout. For those with preexisting mental health conditions, holiday pressures and expectations can worsen symptoms, triggering relapses and negative coping mechanisms, including substance abuse.

Self-care, time management and prioritizing sleep are key to getting through this month with your health intact, according to clinicians. That said, during the holidays we tend to say yes to everyone but ourselves.

So today, in science-backed news, is a reminder: It’s OK to say no — it really is. New research published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology finds that we worry too much about the consequences of rejecting an invitation. In reality, saying no to a holiday party when you don’t have the bandwidth doesn’t lead to hurt feelings or bad blood.

In a series of studies of over 2,000 participants, researchers compared concerns people had when turning down invitations with how hosts really felt when their invitations were politely declined.

“We looked at both personal invitations from spouses to things like holiday party invites from friends,” Julian Givi, assistant professor of marketing at West Virginia University, who co-authored the paper with Colleen Kirk, associate professor at New York Institute of Technology, tells Yahoo Life. “Over and over, we found that people overestimate the negative ramifications from declining invitations.”

Despite the "invitee" concerns, most “inviters” weren't offended or upset when someone turned down their invitation. The takeaway: “We worry way too much about upsetting other people, when we really shouldn’t,” says Givi.

That doesn’t make saying "no" any easier. Despite the evidence, there’s a built-in psychological fear to refusing an opportunity. “We feel if we say no to an invitation, people won’t invite us the next time,” says Vanessa Patrick, author of The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You in Charge of Your Life. Thankfully, there are some evidence-based strategies for saying "no" this holiday season that won’t get you banned from the guest list next year.

Take a beat before you RSVP

Past studies suggest people tend to say yes in the moment and deal with the consequences later. And that leads to more problems — from canceling last minute to showing up when you really needed a night off. Instead, Patrick suggests taking a beat before responding to an ask. “Buying time allows you to think about whether this is good for you or not,” she says.

Asking yourself, "What do you lose if you say yes?" can help you decide what to prioritize. Maybe it’s some much-needed sleep, or your only window for last-minute gift hunting, or just a little self-care time in an otherwise packed month. If it helps, block out times on the calendar for personal priorities however mundane they may seem. The more confident you are in your decision to pass on an invite, the less likely you are to worry or regret it.

‘Budget’ your excuse

If you’re looking for a good excuse, look no further than your holiday expenses. A 2021 study found that people were more sympathetic to excuses involving money (“I can’t afford it”) rather than time (“I’m too busy”). One dinner or group gift exchange isn’t a huge expense, but in a season of holiday shopping, travel and hidden fees, it all adds up quickly. And don’t forget — time is money. If you’re short on either, you'll pay for it later. “We see in research, if you sign up for something you can't afford, you pay more in the long run,” notes Patrick. The bottom line: If we can't afford it, we shouldn't do it. Your host will understand.

Don’t overexplain

Whatever reason you give, keep it short and sweet. “No is a complete sentence,” says Patrick. “Trying to explain often gives the other person more ammunition to change your mind.” It also can lead to mixed messages — or worse, a lingering "maybe" when you really don’t mean it. “If you’re throwing a holiday party and someone says ‘maybe’ because they’re trying to be nice, then you’re stuck waiting on a head-count,” says Givi. In fact, sending mixed messages just because you don’t want to hurt your host’s feelings can backfire if you end up delaying their party planning.

Instead, be definitive and don’t feel compelled to provide an excuse at all. “The thing to remember is that you're rejecting the ask, not the asker,” says Patrick. ”Understanding that helps lessen the need to people-please.”

Try ‘I don’t’ instead of ‘I can’t’

Research suggests when you anchor your "no" in a personal policy, you reflect a long-standing stance on a matter, which people tend to accept more easily. A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that using the phrase, "I don’t" when rejecting an offer was better received and ultimately more effective than saying "I can’t."

“When you say ‘I don’t go out on the weekdays’ or ‘I’m saving money right now,’ you’re expressing a personal policy rather than an excuse,” explains Patrick, who co-authored the paper. When you express your own pre-set boundaries, you’re more likely to stick with your decision. You’re also implying the rejection isn’t personal — it’s a rule you apply across the board.

Sprinkle in some reassurance

If you’re still worried about hurt feelings, Givi recommends the patented, “No ... but” strategy. For example: “This month is crazy busy, but I’d love to make a plan after the holidays.” Any small reassurance softens the blow. And if you’re really concerned, follow up after the holidays and take the lead on a plan.

Embrace the empowered refusal

Let’s be honest: Some people just won’t take no for an answer, especially certain close relatives practiced in the art of guilt-backed manipulation. (We’re looking at you, beloved family.) In some cases, sucking it up and attending an emotionally charged, logistically grueling family gathering is easier than facing the repercussions of avoiding it. But if you really need to take a pass, it’s time to channel what Patrick dubs an “empowered refusal.”

“The empowered refusal is a way of saying ‘no’ that stems from your identity and grounds your refusal in your own priorities,” she explains. “The more confident you are in your personal priorities, the less pushback you’ll get when you make a decision or reject an invitation.”

The key is to envision your ideal plans, including those underlying values that shape them. Maybe your goal is to have more time at home before the new year. If you’re dealing with mental health issues, you might need to avoid certain events that could trigger negative coping mechanisms or relapses. Jot down your self-imposed priorities for the month, and prepare to stand your ground. “Limit your excuse as much as possible,” advises Patrick. “Excuses are temporary, and you need to ground your ‘no’ in personal boundaries and identity.”

You can also remind your loved ones that setting these boundaries benefits your shared relationship. “Often we say ‘yes’ and hate the person for making us do it,” says Patrick. “You don’t want to show up grumpy or ready to argue at the holiday dinner table.” You can even say you want to bring the best version of you to the table — and that version isn’t around until next month.

“My advice is to think about what you want to get out of this holiday season,” says Patrick. “Ask yourself how each opportunity aligns with your goals for the month and the bigger picture.” That doesn’t mean you should miss out on all the festivities, however.

“The ultimate takeaway isn’t that you should skip events,” says Givi. “But if you're feeling really burned out, saying ‘no’ isn’t the end of the world.”