What Are the Signs That Someone Doesn’t Want to Be Your Friend?

Fact checked by Daniella Amato

There are times in life when it seems like someone isn't genuinely interested in being your friend. Several telltale indicators include being reserved during your interactions, consistently failing to initiate contact, and constantly giving excuses in order to avoid plans.

To help you identify real friends from mere acquaintances, we'll share tips on what to look out for. This article also covers how you can deal with this situation.

Why Recognizing True Friendships Matters

Because humans are largely social creatures, it's natural to crave companionship and the company of others. While making and keeping friends is a vital part of your social and everyday life, after a certain age it can get a little difficult to find like-minded people who are willing to share their joys, fears, happiness, and worries with you.

If you've met someone new or have an existing companion who you consider a friend, there are times when you may be unsure if they look at you the same way.

"If you're the one constantly reaching out and trying to maintain the friendship, while the other person seems passive or uninterested, it may be a sign that the other person doesn’t want to be your friend and doesn’t value your relationship," says Avigail Lev, PsyD, the Founder and Director of the Bay Area CBT Center.

Not every friendship works out, and people often drift apart for various reasons, from changing interests to busy schedules.

Because your time is limited, focus on devoting your energy toward genuine friendships with people who genuinely value you. If you feel like someone doesn't really want to be your friend, it may be time to let the relationship go.

Signs Someone Doesn't Want to Be Your Friend

Sometimes it's easy to tell when someone doesn't truly want to be friends, but the signs can also be more subtle. Relationships change over time, and you may find that people who used to be more invested in the relationship start to become more distant.

In either case, here are a few signs that someone doesn't want to be friends:

You Always Reach Out First

While there's no denying that our daily lives can get very busy, it may be a warning sign when you find that you constantly have to make the first move with a supposed friend, whether it is with phone calls, texts, or emails.

"You might also notice that they are often unavailable or unresponsive. They don't get back to your texts or messages, or they take a really long time to reply. It can feel like you're the one always reaching out, and they don't make an effort to keep in touch," says Lev.

Think about who is initiating the conversation. When you add things up and find that nine out of 10 (or all 10) times contact is established, the effort was made by you, the other person may not consider you a friend.

Lack of Genuine Enthusiasm

In another strike, a person could send signs that they are uninterested in a personal relationship with you consider the responses they give during your interactions.

Where this happens, you may find that they give one-word responses to questions, or lack any real enthusiasm when they hear from you. This is usually compounded by the fact that you most likely made the move to touch base first.

Not that someone has to jump for joy when they hear from you, but friendship is a two-way street. If someone always sounds like they'd rather be doing something else, this is a sign they may not be very interested in a friendship.

Being Reserved or Rude During Interactions

You can tell that a person has very little interest in being more than an acquaintance by examining how they speak to you.

While a friend might use relaxed language, share a few jokes, or otherwise interact in a light-hearted manner, a person that doesn't consider you their friend may sound more official or formal, giving clipped responses when you meet up with them in person or otherwise engaging them in conversation.

In other cases, they might direct barbed or even rude comments toward you. "They might make indirect statements that are mean, rude, or put you down in some way. Their jokes or remarks can have a negative tone, making you feel undermined or not valued in the friendship," Lev suggests.

These comments may be subtle or even seem to be said in jest, but they can carry a serious undertone that only undermines the relationship.

They Avoid Meeting Up or Tend to Cancel Plans

An unfortunately hurtful way to identify someone uninterested in friendship is how little you see them. After taking the pains to invite them for drinks, a gallery opening, to check out your apartment, or another occasion, there always tends to be an excuse explaining why they cannot attend on the specified day.

In even worse cases, they may agree to meet up with you only to cancel on the day of through any number of means of postponement. These constant excuses and cancellations take a toll not only on the friendship but on your well-being as well.

"It can leave you feeling like you're not a priority in their life," Lev suggests.

You Put in More Effort Than They Do

Calling to check-in, arranging meetings, sending gifts, popping by to make sure their house plant is watered, and similar behaviors are easy ways to show that you care for a person.

If you find that you are routinely putting in more effort in the friendship, or performing very imbalanced acts of love for your supposed companion, this could mean that they view your interactions as something other, and usually less than a friendship.

They Do Not Engage With You on Social Media

While this may not always indicate that a person doesn't want you as a friend, taking note of your social media engagements with them could paint a clearer picture of the true state of your relationship.

If they do not acknowledge your stories or posts, or perhaps even make an effort to ignore comments you make on their social media, this could mean that they do not want to be seen with you within that space.

Social media shunning may seem trivial, but it can be a valid way to determine how a person really feels about you.

Note that not everyone uses social media in the same way, so don't assume that someone isn't your friend if they are less open or communicative on Facebook or Instagram.

They Only Talk About Their Interests

There are special cases where a person may tick many of the minor boxes that make up a friend: responding to calls, agreeing to meetings, checking in from time to time, but depending on the topics that your interactions cover, you may be able to tell whether or not they truly view you as a true friend.

When you find it hard to contribute anything to the conversation because your acquaintance goes on and on about their accomplishments, how they spent their week, what projects they are finding difficult, etc, this could be telling that they merely view you as a soundboard, and care less for what may be happening in your life.

A friend would want to listen to how you have been coping, any exciting projects you have been working on, they might even tease you about your love life, but you will always feel like it is an interaction and not a therapy session, where you have to play the role of silent listener.

Related: Strengthen Friendships With Good Listening Skills

How to Handle a One-Sided Friendship

There are many reasons why friendship is such a valued part of our society. A real friend is there for you in the good times, and will provide a helping hand through less-than-rosy periods. This is why care has to be taken when selecting people to be part of your inner circle.

When a person doesn't count you as a friend, it means you may be in what is essentially a one-sided friendship. you may tell through their words and actions and the effect their indifferent attitude may have on your well-being. Just as you cannot expect to be friends with everyone, not everyone is going to be friends with you.

That's why it's essential to read the signs and pull back from people who do not want to be friends rather than spend time trying to force something that isn't there.

If someone is sending signals that they don't want to be friends, it is important to heed those signs. However, it is just as important to avoid feeling bad about yourself.

Not all people are compatible, and it's possible that the other person has things going on in their life that might be standing in the way of your friendship. Instead, focus on directing your energy toward other people who are more receptive to your gestures of friendship.

While accepting that you may not be a person's cup of tea can be painful, it can also serve as an opportunity to appreciate the loved ones ready to stick with you through thick and thin. Keeping your chin up and moving past the disappointment may be hard, but it will leave you better off in the long run.

Read Next: 'I Don't Need Friends': Why You Might Feel This Way