If You Have Ever Been In A Toxic Relationship, You Will Immediately Know These 5 Red Flags An Expert Says To Look Out For

A woman named Joules Lo’Well recently caught the attention of over three million people after she shared her thoughts about a husband who said his pregnant wife wasn't attractive.

Responding to a video where a woman defends her husband for calling her pregnancy "unattractive," Joules said, "Somewhere in the world a woman has watched this video and said, 'Oh my boyfriend or my husband says those same things to me all the time. It must be fine because it's happening to them, too...'"

"It's not fine. If you're in a relationship and you post something about your relationship and the majority of the comments are like, 'NO. RED FLAG. THAT'S HORRIBLE.' It's because it is."

Joules, who routinely talks about toxic relationships on social media after escaping many of her own, continued in the video, saying, "I remember being pregnant and my abusive ex-husband talking about my body and I didn't think it was funny and it hurt my feelings and I tried to convince myself that I was being too sensitive and it was really OK..."

People immediately went in with their opinions in the comments section of Joule's video.

Most of whom agreed that the behavior was a big red flag.

Doulas shared how they've seen how these situations play out...

...and lots of people had no tolerance for mean jokes like that one.

BuzzFeed spoke to Joules Lo’Well, who has been using TikTok to connect with people who have endured abuse in relationships. "I got out of an abusive marriage in 2008 and after that, I was in several more toxic relationships. Once I began to work on myself and get therapy, I started sharing things I’ve learned to help other people who may be going through the same things that I once did," she said.

Joules said she's seen countless videos of people in relationships joking about things that she, as a person who has suffered from relationship abuse, doesn't find funny. "I hope my single viewers don’t settle when it comes to choosing a partner. I hope my married viewers have some serious discussions and change a few things that might be harmful in their relationship. I want people to think about how they treat others and they want to be treated."

To get more insight into toxic relationships and relationships in general, BuzzFeed spoke to relationship coach and author, Sabrina Alexis Bendory.

Sabrina said the key feature of a healthy relationship is you can just be. "It feels safe, it feels like home, and you are free to just be yourself without fear of shame, judgment, or that your vulnerabilities will be weaponized against you."

When it comes to toxic relationships, however, Sabrina outlined five behaviors that she considers big red flags:

1.The first is feeling like you can't be yourself around your partner.

2.Feeling shameful is another red flag. "There is a part of you that feels shame for being in this situation, but you rationalize it away because it’s painful to accept that you are being mistreated," said Sabrina.

3.Another warning sign of toxic relationships is when one person takes responsibility for the other person’s actions and reactions. Sabrina said she sees women in particular make this mistake because they assume they are the problem, thinking that if they "fix" themselves, their relationship will automatically be fixed.

4.Sabrina also noted that framing certain things as jokes can be potential red flags as well. "There is nothing more red flag-y than someone saying something insulting and then gaslighting you by saying, 'Why are you so offended? It was just a joke!'"

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"If someone is 'joking' about something you are sensitive or insecure about, that is malicious. That is done with the intent of hurting you, making you feel less than, and making you feel bad about yourself. This is not acceptable behavior. Now sometimes someone can joke about something and not realize it’s a sore spot for you. If this is the case, all you need to do is be honest and tell them how it makes you feel and a healthy partner will be apologetic and will never cross that line again," Sabrina explained.

5.Lastly, if your partner makes you feel like you’re being too sensitive or dramatic when you express your feelings, that can also be a red flag.

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You can read more about warning signs that you might be in a toxic relationship here.

Sabrina also wants to caution readers to remember that there is only so much you can divulge from a less than five-minute video online, and while it may seem obvious at times, if the person in the relationship feels happy and secure, that's what matters.

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Social media can be a blessing and a curse, according to Sabrina. "It's a good thing because you are able to reach such a wide audience. You can easily find someone else having the same experience as you, and you can hear from professionals about what a relationship should look like and what's unacceptable. But it also means that content creators really need to be mindful of what they’re putting out there."

"A toxic relationship can break you down in so many ways and sometimes you need that objective person to help you re-program your mind so you can reclaim your self-worth again. Some people can do this on their own by journaling, meditating, or reading a good book on the subject, but others could benefit from the guidance of a relationship coach (like me) or therapist," concluded Sabrina.

For more content on toxic relationships, like how to identify them, how to leave them, and how to know if it’s possible to save them, you can visit Sabrina's website.

If you are suffering from domestic violence, you can call, text, or chat online with the National Domestic Violence Hotline.