How to stop attracting clutter and make space for the life that you want

Purpose, love, connection, wisdom, confidence, self-respect, and ease. These are the feelings that make us excited to get out of bed in the morning! But when they’re missing from our lives, these internal magnets get flipped and instead of pulling in what will truly fulfill us, we begin pulling in stuff instead by impulse buying, panic shopping, and binge buying.

Why do people impulse buy?

We use stuff as a temporary fix to our underlying emotional issues, using shopping as a bandage over a deeper wound. But we don’t want the item, we want the feeling we think the item will bring. When we can identify what that feeling is, that yearning under the surface, we can address the emotional need itself. We can do the real work of magnetizing what you really want to be feeling.

As a professional organizer and declutterer for nearly two decades, I have identified seven emotional Clutter Magnets. When you have one of these Clutter Magnets, your yearning for something intangible gets shifted onto stuff. Once you are able to figure out what you truly want to attract into your life, you can turn that magnet into actions that create real, sustainable change (and cost nothing)!

1. The desire for true connection

Do you find yourself going shopping to connect with people? Are you trying to make relationships with employees? If you are finding yourself using retail therapy as a replacement for real connections, you might be stuck in Clutter Magnet #1.

This Clutter Magnet is not being present in your relationships, but trying to find it through the stuff. Shopping can be so appealing, as it provides superficial engagement that masquerades as something more fulfilling. What you are really craving is the human interaction you find during the transactions, not the stuff itself. You want that conversation at the makeup counter, the friendly chat as the salesperson rings you up. What you really need is to nourish the relationships you already have, or to go out there and make some new friends.

How to overcome Clutter Magnet #1 and find true connection

Instead of going shopping, invite a friend or family member out to do something that has nothing to do with buying ANYTHING! Remember, your stuff can’t love you back or ask you how your day was.

2. Weak self-confidence

The issue with this Clutter Magnet is that you are looking for self-confidence outside of yourself. Maybe you try to find it in an overpriced skin care cream, in a designer pair of leggings, or in a big puffy headband that every influencer is wearing. I’ve noticed that people, especially women, waste so much valuable time and energy worrying about appearances when they could be working to change their lives and the lives of others. They are more concerned with finding the one magic bullet to solve all of their problems, finally lose that weight, get rid of their wrinkles, or have the perfect hairdo.

How to overcome Clutter Magnet #2 and gain self-confidence

Your self-confidence is not going to come from the outside in. Where you really get self-confidence is who you are in the world, how you help others, and what you do for those in your community. You are not going to find it in a teeny tiny jar of retinol that you spent $300 on. Self-confidence is a muscle that we all have the capability to build, and it starts by believing that we all bring an individual spark to the world – a flavor that is uniquely us.

3. Buying free time

This is buying all sorts of gadgets to “save time.” This is buying a 5-in-1 shampoo or a kitchen gadget that solely does one thing. But ask yourself this– what did you do with that time you “saved”? Did you finally learn Mandarin with that one minute you cut out of your shower time? Did you get to that one book that’s collecting dust on your shelf with the time you didn’t spend chopping vegetables? Or are you just wasting money AND not getting anything out of that time?

How to overcome Clutter Magnet #3 and create more free time

The best time saver that you can give yourself is not one that you can find on the shelves of a big box store– it’s simply being present. Being present won’t help you do anything faster, but it will help you enjoy and savor the time you do have. It makes your time more meaningful, and isn’t that what we are all really looking for?

4. Buying gifts in exchange for love

If you find yourself constantly buying or giving gifts to get love, you are in Clutter Magnet #4. This Magnet shows up when you feel guilty for overworking to support your family, so you buy your children gifts to overcompensate for that missed time. This is grandparents spoiling their grandchildren with things because they think it’s the easiest way to connect. This is overspending to get someone’s love.

Buying gifts for other people may feel altruistic, but under the veneer of selflessness and generosity, there’s a gaping maw of need. Can you give love and get love without buying a thing?

How to overcome Clutter Magnet #4 and act meaningfully instead of purchasing things

Take a moment and think of all of the things you can do instead of shopping when your love tank is low. You can write a postcard to your family just to say you were missing them or you can take a friend out to lunch. The possibilities are endless, and the feeling you will get will last much longer than a gift that will just get thrown out.

5. Manifesting self-respect

Does your self-respect lie in your stuff? The car you drive? The purse you carry? Similarly to Clutter Magnet #2, self-respect comes from within, from what you do for other people. If you can’t respect yourself standing naked in an empty room, you still won’t be able to respect yourself in a mansion, dressed in designer clothes! Having more stuff, or nicer stuff, does not fill you with self-respect.

How to overcome Clutter Magnet #5 and find true self-respect

True self-respect is opting out of the system that asks you to give away chunks of your net worth to the fashion industry instead of investing that money in yourself. Instead of buying fancy clothes, you could be spending that money on travel, education, or anything that you really want to do for yourself. Real self-respect, the kind that is truly magnetic, does not need to be conspicuous.

6. Real purpose

Are you buying a whole bunch of stuff to find your purpose in life? Maybe you’re buying every bead in the craft store because you think you’re going to be a jewelry maker. Maybe you’re buying every color of yarn there is because you think you might be a knitter. No matter how much you buy, none of this stuff will tell you your real purpose. You are not going to find your purpose this way– your real purpose is what lights you up inside, what puts good out in the world, what helps other people, and what makes you money.

How to overcome Clutter Magnet #6 and find purpose

The stuff won’t get you there, figuring out who you are will. If you don’t know what your purpose is, keep trying everything out! You can bounce from job to job or hobby to hobby, you will never be locked into anything you don’t want to be. And you definitely don’t need to buy anything to figure out who that is. And you know what? Your purpose may not make you any money, and that’s okay. As long as you find true fulfillment and happiness, you’ll be able to get through anything in this world.

7. Cultivating lasting wisdom

This is what I call “smart clutter” – smartphones, smart appliances, anything you are buying to make yourself (or your home) smarter. This is also the Clutter Magnet that I have! I am constantly finding myself buying online courses and books because I love learning something new. Learning is great, and I want you to chase that fire to educate yourself! The issue comes when you are not being honest with yourself. What you need to do is figure out how much time you really have to devote to the things you want to learn. When you are buying more information than you have time to consume, you are stuck in the Clutter Magnet.

How to overcome Clutter Magnet #7 and cultivate lasting wisdom

When you have books that are never read, that’s when you know you are overbuying. Read what you have! If there’s something you are still itching to get your hands on, you can always visit a library. There are plenty of ways to obtain that never-ending knowledge without having to purchase it.

Sourcebooks

Make Space for Happiness

Make Space for Happiness by Tracy McCubbin

$11 at Amazon

What all of these Clutter Magnets boil down to is that we are searching for happiness. Ultimately, we just want to know that fulfillment is possible. The truth is, you’re not going to be happy all the time– and that’s okay! That’s the way life is. When you buy things to try to fill the void, you aren’t solving anything. Your best life is not going to come from a purchase, it’s going to come from yourself and those around you. Next time you feel the urge to go do some retail therapy, call your friend and go for a walk. I promise you that it will do more than any handbag.