Healing in the wake of the election

In 1992, I walked into my mother's room and saw her standing in front of our clunky, box TV which sat awkwardly on her dresser. She looked disappointed. I was only eight years old, and looked up at the news station which was reporting on the election results. Mom let out a huge sigh.

“Is Bush going to win?” I asked, with genuine curiosity and concern.

“No, she said with a grimace,” while looking away from the TV. “Clinton is.”

My parents were, and still are, conservative Republicans. They are very political. My father was a Trump appointee. The loud voices of Fox News and One America News cascade across their house at all hours. I can hardly avoid talking politics when I’m at the house — which can be awkward — because I am a moderate Democrat.

Moreover, I’m quite familiar with the tension that comes with elections, and being surrounded by people of different political persuasions. It has become a lifestyle.

The outcome of elections tend to result in millions of disappointed Americans. They may question the political process and the sanity of their peers. Many will resent loved ones. Heck, several of my friendships have already been tested.

To those who are bitter, I’d remind you of a few things

First, it’s normal and perfectly acceptable to be upset over an election loss.

Just remember that no political party rules for long periods of time. There is an ebb and flow to the democratic process. People are restless and don’t like more of the same. Even if your party doesn’t win, you’ll have your day in the sun again. In fact, within two years, your opposition party typically does quite well in midterms.

Yet it’s easy to forget these simple facts. You can easily assume a dictator has been anointed in this process (which I acknowledge is a concern for some voters right now).

Each year, we hit new records of political divide in this country — which is more than a little concerning. Much of it is driven by our content consumption, and an algorithm's propensity to show us more of what we engage with.

If you watch the entirety of a video about vaccine skepticism or something casting doubt on the importance of voter IDs, you’ll likely be shown related content. You become trapped in an echochamber of your own construction.

Per Dr. Kirk Schneider, professor at Saybrook University, “Existential fear appears to be at the heart of what drives polarization.” People have an underappreciated fear of erasure, coupled with feelings of insignificance. Their involvement in politics is often tethered to these fears without them even knowing it.

Companies and influencers are incentivized to stoke fear, to make us think the other side is evil and out to ruin our lives.

What amazes me, having lived all over the country, in different environments and political cultures, is that across the board — people allow commentators’ characterizations to determine their opinion of those of a different belief system. I see people of both parties echoing talking points, almost verbatim in everyday life.

Resist the urge to carry these judgements as you interact with people of different views. This is key to moving on from a political loss, and reconciling that it isn't always an expression or failure of your worldview.

Some solutions to consider

The problem isn't our urge to talk politics with people of different views—but how we choose to do so.

Per Dr. Jeanne Safer, author of I Love You, But I Hate Your Politics, we should resist our assumption that we can change people’s minds in these discussions. She added, “Don’t make assumptions about someone based on their vote. Instead, I encourage people to be curious about what their vote meant to them. That’s an opportunity to open up a conversation to learn more about people that are important to us.” Make it a discussion of values rather than characterizations and generalizations.

If you are hurting and feel deeply frustrated, don’t be afraid to find someone to talk to who might empathize with your feelings. For example, over the past three decades, truth commissions have been set up for native american tribes to come and tell their stories, detailing the atrocities and injustices committed against them. They’ve gone before government agencies and taken turns discussing what happened, on the record, for all to see.

This simple act proved immensely gratifying and was integral to healing. It put the truth on display and helped them feel understood, rather than cast into the shadows and forgotten.

While dealing with an election loss might feel small in comparison to what native americans went through — don’t underestimate the impact this communication has on your wellbeing.

The troubling numbers

A full 68% of Americans reported feeling higher levels of stress during the election. Many of them also reported symptoms of post-election stress disorder, which is when we feel dread or waves of anxiety about what the future holds under new leadership.

If you are feeling this — I’d strongly encourage you to dial down your consumption of political content, especially on social media, which has become outrageously inflammatory as of late. Remember that there are other things in life besides elections. The same things that relieve stress (exercise, meditation, avoiding stressors), are the same things that relieve election stress.

For example, I can usually tell which of my friends are consuming tons of political content because they often seem on edge, and seemingly incapable of discussing anything other than the latest scandal or election.

All of this noise will eventually dial down. But it does feel like things have reached a fevered pitch. I’m getting near hourly text messages from both campaigns:

In 48 hours, we’ll wake up to a new country, under new pending leadership — but things won’t be as radically different as they might feel.

Remember that most people are good at heart. Most exist on a political spectrum, typically somewhere closer to the middle than to the extremes. Know that voter enthusiasm is abysmally low this election cycle. Even the people voting for a candidate you don’t like often aren’t thrilled with them either. Don't assume they are an acolyte.

Political disappointment, in this strange way, is actually a beautiful byproduct of democracy, a sign that we have a process where people cast genuine votes.

Above all, remember that human connections are incredibly important for happiness and wellbeing. You need friends and loved ones to thrive. Don’t allow political divide to ruin these relationships.