Humor: Agent not impressed with sequel ideas to There's a Monster at the End of this Book

What child doesn't read There's a Monster at the End of this Book? Parents love it.

The publishing house loves it.

The agent who sold it loves it. The author loves it too but (in this alternate reality) he's struggling to come up with a sequel to the bestseller.

Feedback: Hey Jon! I love this idea.

The only problem is it’s been done before—by you! LOL!

I get what you were trying to do with this, but I think we need to subvert some exceptions here. I can’t wait to read your next pitch and sample.

Feedback: Hey Jon! Well, you certainly turned around the main premise of your first smash hit.

Unfortunately, we all felt that it lacked something.

Once the monster shows up on page one, there’s no build.

We have to pass on this pitch, Jon. Have you got anything else brewing in the old writer’s noggin?

Feedback: We like how you tried to humanize the monster.

However, showing him waiting at the airport for his mom is not very relatable to kids. We want to make them laugh and learn.

At ages 1–5, do we want to teach them about things they’ll see in the airport as they wait for a plane to land? The monster appearing at the end (in the form of the main monster’s mom) was clever; I’ll give you that. But I can’t give this one the green light.

Feedback: I agree that this kind of character is a literal and figurative monster. Still, it needs a resolution. And plot.

The book describes how annoyed everyone else is getting, yet no one does anything. Can you send me something a little more exciting?

Feedback: Jesus Christ, Jon. No! This will not fly with kids or even most adults. Why would you write something this scary?

Also, I have a question. Before the monster even meets the reader, he’s already covered in blood. WHOSE BLOOD IS IT, JON?

Feedback: You had me engrossed in the mystery back here. I kept waiting for the monster featured on the milk carton to appear at the end of the book.

Then I waited. When it ends with the characters never finding the missing monster and all their efforts wasted, I feel…sad.

As important as this topic is, I’d prefer we didn’t make a kid’s book dedicated to it. I’m afraid to ask, but do you have anything else?

Feedback: Remember, we publish short children’s books, mainly of the cardboard variety. You just sent me a 400-page memoir with thinly veiled metaphors.

Feedback: Hey Jon, do you need someone to talk to? We can take a bit of a break from the pitches if you’d like. No pressure, take care of yourself.

Feedback: Um, I don’t think you’re even trying to be subtle here. You know I’m not rejecting your book ideas out of spite, right?

I’d love to publish your writing again, so let’s get together and hammer something out. I know you have ideas that are perfect for There’s a Monster at the End of This Book fans. I believe in you, Jon.

Feedback: YES! Now we’re back on track! This one is going to be a hit. I hope you’re working on another sequel or follow-up.

Feedback: I’ve scheduled a meeting for Monday to discuss some things. See you then.