The monsters we celebrate every Halloween, and other classic beasts, are meant to terrify. But what we should really be terrified of is dating. Especially now that these mythical creatures are on dating apps. Who knows? Some of these monsters might end up stealing your heart. Or eating it.
Frankenstein‘s Monster
Location: Switzerland
I'm not going to lie to you. I've spent most of my life alone. For years, I lashed out at the world and the father who dropped me into it and then abandoned me. As you can imagine, I'm skeptical that true love exists. Only once was someone out there, just for me. Then, the same father ruthlessly destroyed her.
Anyway, do you want to meet and exchange daddy issues?
Sphinx
Location: Egypt
Are you looking for a MILF? Well, I'm the monster for you! Those of you reading this profile who don't mind a mature creature who comes with claws shouldn't be afraid to take me out for a drink. I won't strangle you. Unless that's the kind of thing you're into. Be warned, you'll have to guess the safe word by solving a riddle.
Mermaid
Location: Denmark
Hi! I'm Jessie! And yes, those fins are REAL! Sorry, I can't help but get excited. I always wanted to be a part of your dating pool. Usually, whenever I see a human, I just want to eat them up!
Kidding! It's a mermaid joke. I'm actually pretty funny, more than a pair of flippers and all that.
Oh! I should mention that you'll have to deal with my busy schedule since I'm studying law at the local university. It's a long story, but there are some clever witches in the ocean, and I must learn to negotiate better contracts for my kind. Some situations can't be resolved by combing your hair on rocks.
Incubus
Location: Your bedroom ;)
You know what doesn't suck? A fling with a big, broad incubus like myself. I'll drive you mad with my skills in the sack. Literally mad. But if you have to die, as all mortals do, isn't that a good way to go?
Minotaur
Location: Greece
Have you ever felt lost? Are you trapped in an endless maze of phonies and people who don't care about you? Unsure why you should even try to approach someone because of your looks? I have. It's a big step for me to even be on an app like this where pictures are such an important feature. I'm being brave, will you? Swipe right, and we'll see where this thread leads.
Vampire
Location: New York
Dream of lounging in the sun or walking through the park on a glorious autumn afternoon? I'm sorry, I don't, so move along. I have a natural aversion to light and prefer to be out after sunset, which is perfect for romance.
What do I do? I'm a stand-up comedian. Yet the laughter is hollow compared to the feel of a soft neck under my lips. I'm looking for a woman who will invite me into her heart. And her home with words, not body language.
Ghost
Location: Your memories
I'll be frank. We will have a passionate, whirlwind affair, and then I'll probably disappear out of the blue. No text message, no long goodbyes, nothing. It's not you, it's me. I have unfinished business: finding the perfect partner. I know when I know. I have to move on when I know you are wrong for me.
Let's give it a shot. I will take us to a great place where we can make pottery on our first date. It's so worth the risk to your heart. Plus, if it doesn't work out, at least you'll have a mug to break.
Writing dumb things to make you laugh