Humor: Your daily routine if you were the female protagonist in a cozy mystery novel

Cozy mysteries are perfect fall reading. The simple plots and lovable characters make these popular with many. If you've read any of these books, you probably already know the daily routine of one the classic cozy mystery's female protagonist.

5:30
Wake up early. Though there is no man in your bed, you’re not alone. A furry companion (that you’ve probably rescued) is demanding attention. Rising to the occasion, you give it food and love before starting your day.

5:45
After Groggily making a cup of coffee, you sit there and breathe in the scent, reminding yourself how life-sustaining the stuff is. Or you could be really into tea. Either way, you need to make that your identity and actively vilify the opposite caffeine drinkers.

6:00
You shower and get dressed. No conforming fashion for you. You put on clothes that are specific to you. Unfortunately, they are a little tight since you perpetually put on a little weight. You can’t buy anything new, though. Keeping those clothes reminds you that you must lose 10 pounds and that it’s a character flaw.

7:00
At the stroke of seven, you answer a phone call from your overbearing family member, boss, or any motherly figure. Deflect her questions about your horrendous love life.

7:30
You drive/bike/walk to your job. As the owner of a small business featuring a cute name, you are thrilled to be pursuing your working-class passion. Plus, it allows you to interact with multiple friends and potential victims throughout the day.

8:30

As you prep the shop, you converse with a quirky coworker. Undoubtedly she’s funny and reliable, so go you. Avoid her suggestions to help you with your horrendous love life.

10:00
Take a break from family or friends who frequent your shop in order to introduce yourself to a new/minor character who will be murdered later.

10:30

Find a way to explain an aspect of your business in tantalizing details to your ignorant coworker/sister/friend/customers. It might seem tedious, but deep down inside, you know that your descriptions of muffins, paper, or whatever you’re making in great detail will appeal to some unseen higher power.

12:00

Catch up with your impossibly gorgeous best friend/sister. Despite sometimes trying to change you to be like her (which is impossible because she’s your FOIL in every way), she’s just so freaking nice. Point out her clear skin and shiny hair as a FOIL to your own looks. Your weakness is a strength here, as it makes you more relatable.

1:00

Enjoy a meet-cute with a local cop/detective/man who can help you investigate the future murder you’ll inevitably decide to solve. Don’t admit it’s partly to avoid facing looming bills that come with being a small business owner. You just really love to solve a murder.

1:30

It’s the afternoon in a small town where everything happens early. You’ll most likely need to head to the event of the month: a wedding, book club, gym trial, or a football game. You don't stress about it. You'll find something to do today. There's always something going on in your small, 15,000-person town.

1:45

Discover the body of a minor character. Jackpot!

2:30

Back at the shop, tell everyone how you found the body EVEN THOUGH THE POLICE ASKED YOU NOT TO DO SO!

3:30

Break into a suspect’s home or office. Find evidence that proves they have a secret that the victim knew about.

4–5:30

Repeat the last step with 2 other suspects. Don’t worry about going to jail. You never do.

6:00

Argue with a handsome cop/detective/man/romantic interest who can help you solve the murder that you are so close to an answer. Explain that you are not just solving crime to avoid dealing with your horrendous love life.

6:18

Discover a crucial piece of evidence that reveals the killer and their motive.

6:45

Put yourself in danger in order to get a confession. Stall for time by discussing your horrendous love life until someone saves you or you find a useful blunt object to throw at the distracted killer.

8:00

Meet up for a late dinner with an ensemble of important characters to celebrate and tie up loose ends.

10:00

Go home and feed your rescue pet. Don’t worry about your horrendous love life.