'Survivor 45's Kendra McQuarrie Reveals an Injury that Impaired Her Game

Kendra McQuarrie

Survivor 45 is here! Every week, Parade.com's Mike Bloom will bring you interviews with the castaway most recently voted off of the island.

Kendra McQuarrie is a Libra through a through. On one end of the scale, she's extroverted, charming, and empathetic. But on the other side, she's intensely high-energy, emotionally-driven, and indecisive. Through nearly all of Survivor 45, the bartender thought she had mixed a well-balanced cocktail of a game. But time after time, she found the scales tilt against her, leaving her on tilt. After losing her friend in Kellie Nalbandian, she earned a quick enemy in Dee Valladares and her Reba alliance when she targeted her. So when Kendra lost immunity, her game was as cooked as a delicious rotisserie chicken.

Kendra came into Survivor with one of the most distinct personalities of the season, filled with positivity, wanderlust, and a wild gleam in her eye. Her go-to opening line is about astrology, and on Belo, it felt written in the stars for her to join up with fellow September birthdays in Kellie and Katurah Topps. Unfortunately, her girls got swapped away, leaving her in familiar territory with unfamiliar faces, and Brandon "Brando" Meyer as her only confidante. Facing her first Tribal Council, Kendra hoped a previous relationship with Emily Flippen would win her over to her side. But Kendra was left as gagged as when she attempted to choke down a worm, as the Belos wound up on the wrong side. She left the vote visibly shocked and emotional, and it's unfortunately a feeling and reaction she would know all too well by the end of her season.

After feeling flummoxed at her first vote, Kendra was ready to serve up some revenge to Emily. Luckily, the merge gave her the chance to reconnect with the Belos. But there was an additional wrinkle in the game's oldest man: Bruce Perreault. Kendra had grown tired of Bruce's behavior, and contemplated booting him for fear of his idol. Ultimately she and Kellie chose not to, quite a sliding doors decision considering Bruce's subsequent immunity run that spelled both their doom. When Bruce won his first immunity, Kendra was still ready to spill blue blood, as she and the women targeted Jake O'Kane. But, once again, the Rebas and Emily had other plans. In the blindside of the season, they took out Kellie. Kendra's devastation was palpable, as she  immediately attempted to get Dee out, which subsequently put her on Dee's radar. This last day felt like the previous one for Kendra: Bruce wins immunity, and she's been told the plan is to vote Jake. But, once again for the chicken lover, she was left with egg on her face. After a chaotic 24 hours of three-stage challenges and lost votes, Kendra was blindsided unanimously, and the usually-sunny personality walked out with surprisingly no words.

Now out of the game, Kendra talks with Parade.com about whether her elimination was truly a blindside, whether the Belos could have stuck together after the Kellie vote, and the injury she sustained in the first week of the game.

Related: Read our Survivor 45 pre-game interview with Kendra McQuarrie

Oftentimes, when someone is blindsided on Survivor, they think back on a couple of interactions or moments they had throughout the day that, in retrospect, were red flags. Was that the case for you?
So I just want to clear things up. I was extremely frustrated. They actually calmed me down a little bit. I was really pissed. You can kind of see it in my face. I'm not animated after I got voted out. And I was like, "What do people even say after this?" I was so mad. It was not a blind side. They were just kind of telling me things. And I was trying to get myself together. It was not a blind side. I just want to like set the record straight. I could feel in my gut that it was me. And you can even see through these confessionals. And I'm like, "Don't be paranoid. I feel like it'll be me." I even say to Bruce, "Are they turning the votes on me?" And I could feel that it was me.

But there were a couple of moments throughout the day. I saw Dee and Katurah talking together on their own by the water well, which I thought was really weird. And I was like, "Am I good? I feel like something's off". And I said this to Katurah. And at that moment, I didn't know Katurah had turned on me. [Gives look.] And so I was kind of leaning into her and trusting her. But they seemed a little cliquey right then. And I was  like, "The energy is different here. I am reading something totally different." And then I was talking to Emily. I didn't really get a lot of time to talk to her after they came back from the journey. So just that small interaction that I had with her was really all I got. And I felt like she was telling me the truth. And she was at the moment. So, yeah, you can feel it. It feels heavy.

Speaking of that heaviness, clearly that weighed on your heart after the Kellie blindside. After that happened, was there talk about the Belos sticking together? Or did it truly seem like rats leaving a sinking ship?
With the Kellie vote out, it was really difficult. It was really a blindside, because Jake was acting very erratically very publicly, and not all of it was even shown. We kind of got into a tiff. He and Katurah kind of got into a tiff. It was really a little bit bigger than it seemed. And so it just felt like it has to be. And the moment you think it has to be, it's probably not. Me and Kellie sat in the woods for about 20 minutes, which is a long time to be sitting in the woods by yourself. And I was like, "I feel like you could maybe be me." And she was like, "I feel like it could maybe be me." I was like, "Are we gonna get ricochet votes? Is there gonna be an idol play?" We thought that was a possibility. But we did not think that it was going to be a clean sweep.

This episode, we saw Austin, Emily, and Katurah lose their votes--though Austin lied about getting his back, something you didn't necessarily contemplate until Tribal Council. I'm curious, if everybody votes this episode, do you think Belo could have stuck together and swung Emily to get rid of one of the Rebas?
I think, at this moment, if everyone had their votes, I think things could have gone differently. I think me and Emily were very much on the same page. It was pretty clear to me at that moment that Austin and Dee were really tight. And that's kind of what I was saying. This wasn't shown, but that day, I go up to Drew and Emily as well. Because it wasn't really shown, but after New Belo, me, Drew, and Emily [were together]. That's why I protect him on the split vote. I didn't want to vote Drew. We were maybe not the tightest alliance, but we were in cahoots with each other. [I was] trying to keep my options open a little bit because Belo was Belo, and I have these genuine connections with these two people.

And so I had mentioned that to them. And I think Emily started to catch on. And so I think the votes might have gone differently. It's always hard to say. We have three idols in the game. Not that I knew that. But there could have been idol plays, especially with all nine voting. And I think we I think we could have rallied. I think, if we had Emily helping, I think we could have possibly rallied Belo.

I want to stay on this Emily train. You make this visit to Lulu camp in the premiere that ultimately didn't make the edit, where Emily was dead to rights. You end up swapped together to Lulu, where you make a bond, only for her to blindside you and vote out Brando. And you mentioned before where she assures you that you won't be going. Talk me through this up-and-down relationship.
The fact that me and Emily never really got our moment on Survivor kind of makes me sad. So when I went over to Lulu for that first Tribal Council, Emily was clearly on the outs. I had sat and chatted with her. I could tell she needed a friend. So I met her, I thought, on that level. No matter how you're coming off, if I could see somebody needing somebody to talk to, I'm going to be that person. In the back of my mind. I'm also like, "I'm the only one being nice to her. I'm not gonna vote Emily out." Because I did have a vote at that Tribal Council. I voted for Brandon because I was trying to keep Emily in this game. So I was like, "If she, by any chance, makes merge, I'm gonna have somebody I can work with that no one's gonna know about."

And so we connected there on new Belo. She betrays me. Yes, at that the moment, I was like, "I want to get revenge on Emily." But you, you see the numbers. You see her as somebody potentially you can work with. And we just started getting along on a personal level really well. Which is so funny, because on the outside, we're so different. And I just really grew, like I think everyone who's watching Survivor 45 right now has, to love Emily. And so I just wanted to continue that connection and definitely saw her as somebody I could work with. And I'm a very forgiving person. I think that is kind of my downfall in this game. Maybe I need to be a little bit more ruthless if I ever play the game again. But we definitely went through a journey. And at the time after Kellie's vote out, she actually, before Tribal Council, just came up to me and said, "I'm sorry." And I didn't know what it meant. I think if she had to vote, things would have maybe gotten differently, because I know she didn't want me to leave when I left. 

Let's talk about someone else you mentioned earlier in Dee. You really vocalize her as the biggest threat in the game, which leads to her going after you. What made her appear so threatening to you, as opposed to her allies like Austin, Drew, and Julie?
I think her and Kellie kind of embodied the same energy. So you kind of see them and they just ooze a little bit. You can see that everyone likes talking to them. They're very social. They're super strong. You can see that they're always working, even though they have this really fun and caring [atmosphere]. They make you feel like they're talking to you. They look at you in the eye. They have this really fun way about them that makes you feel connected. And I am always watching; I'm always observing everything. I am social, but I am extremely introverted. And so I would often take time by myself or go a little bit away from the group, and I will just watch. And so these are the things I picked up on, just the way that people are interacting with her. 

Now about the Austin and Dee of it all? We saw you this past episode say that they were in love with each other. What were you observing about them that indicated that?
I first picked up on it on new Belo. Because I'm asking Austin, "Oh, tell me about the Reba people." And I see him kind of light up, at least in my perception, about Dee when he was talking about her. And then they kind of whisper to each other before bed. I just saw them very connected. Even if they weren't spending a lot of time with each other, I could see it. And so that's when I started to get my suspicions about this. 

We saw a secret scene of you at the merge asking everyone about their signs. And it seemed to be an indicator of you wanting to work with the Belo women initially. Were you drawn towards or away from any particular people due to their signs?
No, never. It's always more than sun signs. I'm an astrologer. I'm not a horoscope girl. I'm not into the "pop astrology." It's a real thing that I do in my day-to-day life. And so, no, I wouldn't ever cut anyone out because of a sun sign thing. It's just fun. And it's a good way to connect with people. And also there are so many Libras there I was just like, "Okay, sure!" [Laughs.] We're all Libras and Virgos. Then we have Julie and Bruce being the Pisces and the Leo. So, no, I'm not too quick to judge on stuff like that. I like to keep an open mind. And I would never shut anyone because of their sun sign.

Let's talk about that Leo in Bruce. Because, while you radiated positivity on the island, the edit seemed to indicate the opposite from him. We saw you nearly vote him out at the split Tribal Council. But this most recent episode, you seemed to be working closely together. Talk to me about how that relationship came to be.
I was totally ruffled by Bruce's personality throughout the season. I was almost shocked that they did not give me the same amount of edits as Katurah. But, as somebody who's looking at numbers, who is able to put my personal feelings aside to play the game. I was like, "Man, Kellie's right. Me and Bruce do need to work together." And that's why I shake him at that split. [Mimes shaking someone.] "Bruce, we need to work together!" And I'm a little bit just more adaptable and flexible, I guess, in my personality. It's easy for me to just be like, "Okay, that's in the past, let's move on." But I think for Bruce, he's like, "You said my name once," which is fair. But, moving forward, we had to work together.

And so it sucks that that didn't work out, because, at that moment, the day I get voted out, I'm really all in on Bruce. I'm like, "We need to work together." And like I can see benefits to working with him." And we had a really nice time at the Sanctuary. I think that was our first time really connecting as humans and game players. And I really changed my tune on on Bruce after eating. He was well fed and he's a little bit more vulnerable with me. And I said that to him. I go, "I feel like you've been really vulnerable. Thank you for sharing. It's been really nice just hanging out with each other."

Last thing I want to ask. You took a hard fall on that balance beam in Episode 2. But you revealed on social media after your boot that that was actually a much larger injury than what was shown. Can you talk about that?
Mike, your girl was hurting! [Laughs.] Luckily , I'm just somebody who's gonna push through whatever. But I started physical therapy a couple of weeks ago. I have a small fracture in my coccyx bone. And it's it hurts to sit. It hurt to sleep on the bamboo. It hurt to do the challenges. It hurt to do everything. Big girl come down hard on that balance beam. I stand at 5'10". That's a big fall. I guess I didn't really think about it that much day to day, because you're so concerned with other things. My pain can wait. And then the beers helped at Ponderosa once I got there. I was laying in the pool [with] my girl Kellie, just drinking beers, hanging out. So yeah, that made it feel a little bit better.

Do you think that had some sort impact on your performance? Because you put up a good fight in that most recent challenge. But I would imagine the pain would come into play at some point.
So I don't remember thinking about it in the moment, because I'm just so focused on getting to the next level or winning. Nothing else matters when I need to win. And so I'm sure it did.  have to kind of move my body a little bit differently. So maybe, in this one, [Mimes holding out her arms.] I made sure to tuck my pelvic muscles and really engage my core during that last Immunity Challenge that I played in. And I don't remember because I kind of black out through my competitiveness when I'm in these challenges. But yeah, it probably did, honestly. Because when we got back from camp, I was just really, really sore. So maybe not in the challenges, but my ability to engage sometimes after challenges. I had to take a lot of time for myself and kind of just be like, "I'm in pain."

Next, check out our interview with Kellie Nalbandian, who was voted out in Survivor 45 Episode 8.