You can’t change the weather, so just blame it! | Sam Venable
Aaarrgh!
For the second time in six months, Yours Truly and Mrs. Yours Truly have had their credit cards hacked.
Thankfully, Mrs. YT monitors our account daily. Thankfully, she spotted a suspicious charge. Thankfully, she placed an immediate call to the fraud department. Thankfully, someone there purged the illicit charge and made sure no more shenanigans occurred on that account. Whew!
But it meant, of course, that for the second time in six months, the YTs had to get new cards with new numbers. That’s hassle enough. But — Aaarrgh 2.0! — it also meant all the YT’s regular bills on auto-pay had to be updated with new information.
There is a silver lining to this dark cloud, however. Detective YT has discovered a pattern to the lawlessness.
It’s the weather’s fault.
The first hacking of 2024 occurred when K-town was buried under 10 inches of snow and temperatures had fallen to single digits. The latest crime befell us during a climatological flip-flop. Knoxpatch sweltered as daily heat indices flirted with triple digits.
That’s Detective YT’s theory, and he’s sticking to it.
? IF YOU happen to be in Yorba Linda., California, next Sunday, July 21, swing by the grave of former President Richard Nixon after sunset. Then listen closely. You’re likely to hear weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth.
A full moon occurs that night. No doubt, the ghost of Mr. Resigned-in-Disgrace will be on a tear, moaning for all the world to hear:
“Where was this Supreme Court when I was in office?! All I did was try to cover up a ‘third-rate burglary attempt.’ Trump tries to overturn an entire election and sends his minions on a rampage to the Capitol — and he gets a pass! Not fair!”
? SPEAKING of the high-living, high-flying, sleight-of-hand Supremes, consider this:
If your kid consistently came home from school with straight A's on all his tests — failing to mention, ahem, that his buddies had been funneling answers to him on the sly — wouldn’t you be mad as a nest of hornets when the truth eventually leaked out?
Yeah, I thought so.
But just like Nixon’s ghost has painfully learned, shady dealing ain’t what it used to be.
? THIS GREAT nation, as it has done for 77 years, shut down in honor of my wife’s birthday and celebrated the occasion with cookouts and fireworks.
Ever the good sport, Mary Ann didn’t hog all the attention. She’s always happy to share July 4th with National Caesar Salad Day.
There was even a “pre-holiday holiday” at our place. Our first Christmas catalog of 2024 arrived on July 3. And I swear on Old Glory I’m not making any of that up.Happy Whatever It Is!
Sam Venable’s column appears every Sunday. Contact him at [email protected].
This article originally appeared on Knoxville News Sentinel: Sam Venable: You can’t change the weather, so just blame it!
