How Can You Tell If Your Friend Is Depressed?
Around 1 in 10 people suffer from depression and anxiety each year, according to the mental health charity Mind. This means it's likely that all of us will have a friend who is suffering at some point and will need our help. But how do you know if someone you care about has depression? And are there clues in what they say?
We take a look at what a friend may say to you if they're struggling with depression, and give you tips on how to deal with it.
"I hardly sleep these days."
Changes in sleep patterns can be a sign of depression, whether it's sleeping badly or sleeping too much (around 75 percent of depressed patients have insomnia).
A depressed friend may also say "I'm regularly awake at 4 a.m. and struggle to get back to sleep," or "I'm exhausted." They may find it hard to get out of bed – even during the day.
Tip: Dr. Mark Silvert, medical director and consultant psychiatrist, says: "Depression can disrupt our normal routine and this can lead to sleeping in the day. Studies show that even a one-hour nap in the day can severely affect sleeping through the night. Help your friend by going round early in the morning and doing something as simple as taking them out for the day to help re-set their body clock."
"Sorry about my messy house."
You know your friend as someone who usually has a handle on life but lately these usual challenges are putting them under enormous strain. Depression can make it hard to function at work and can diminish your ability to focus on tasks you'd normally breeze through.
Tip: Blurt Foundation's Jayne Hardy says: "Ask if there's anything you can do to help, and mean it. Helping with chores, anything that lessens the pressure she might be feeling, is a great help. If work or college is causing stress, encourage her to speak to someone who might be able to help. They may be able to make some adjustments until she is feeling a little better."
"I don't want to come out on Saturday."
… Or any other night. Or during the day. Your friend may previously have been the life and soul of the party but now they are finding it hard even to leave the house and is avoiding social events they would normally enjoy. They may also be avoiding other people, including you.
Tip: Dr. Mark Silvert says: "Recognize how hard it is for your friend to go out. Many people feel that they are not understood or that their depression is belittled. Tell them that you would love to go together to a social event and if when they get there it is all too much, you are more than happy to leave and have a plan B – such as returning home or going for a relaxed meal somewhere else."
"Everyone seems to be annoying me!"
All of us have our moments of irritation but your friend seems to be losing their patience and being more irritable than usual. It may be that they snapped at you or perhaps you've seen them getting into a road rage situation – not like them at all.
Having more feelings of anger and irritability than usual can be a sign of depression.
Tip: British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy registered counsellor Sally Brown, says: "When we're depressed we tend to over-generalize, and see a pattern based on a single event. Ask questions like "How long have you felt like this?" and "Have you noticed any patterns behind it?" By talking about it, they are in a better place to see if it's a just a passing mood, or a longer-term change."
"I've really gone off sex."
Your friend is telling you that they are doing everything they can to avoid sex with their partner because they have lost interest in it altogether.
A recent study found that 70% of adults with depression had problems with libido.
Tip: Professor Dinesh Bhugra, president of the World Psychiatric Association, says: "Loss of libido is a common symptom of depression, but remember that if you've gone off sex, this can be treated and it will come back.'" Encourage them to discuss it with their doctor and also their partner.
"I'm just not hungry."
A friend who has been saying they've lost their appetite for a while may be suffering from depression. Mental health charity Mind says changes in appetite are a common sign of depression, whether it's reduced appetite from feeling anxious all the time (anxiety is another sign of depression) or eating too much and gaining weight.
Tip: Blurt Foundation's Jayne Hardy says: "Living with depression is exhausting, which means making meals and even making decisions about what to eat, can be overwhelming. Learn about which foods help boost mood and energy, and prepare some meals for your friend's freezer."
"I'm very forgetful right now."
They're the friend who always remembers anniversaries or reliably picks up your teens from a party. But they just missed your birthday for the first time ever and all you can think is, "This isn't like them at all."
When a friend is depressed, they may start being forgetful and find it difficult to concentrate.
Tip: Psychiatrist Dr. Mark Silvert says: "Reassure them that forgetting things when depressed is common and usually resolves. Some simple reassurance is often all that is needed, or some empathic statements like 'I always forget my keys, too, when I'm stressed!"
"I'm useless…"
Normally your friend has confidence in what she does but lately she's been saying "Everything I do is rubbish."
Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem is a common sign of depression, and when a friend feels this way they can find it hard to think otherwise.
Tip: Counsellor Sally Brown says: "When she says something like, 'I can't do anything right,' she needs evidence, ideally from recent events, that it's not true. So rather than simply saying, 'No, you're not, you're fantastic,' say, 'I really appreciated your help with sorting out my tax return/the advice you gave me about dealing with my mum.' It's a technique used in cognitive behavioral therapy to challenge the distorted, 'black-and-white' thinking that is so common in depression."
"Everyone would be better off without me…"
When you need encouragement and focus, you normally turn to this friend. But right now all they can see is the worst in everything, to such an extent that they have started to withdraw and say "Nobody would miss me if I wasn't here."
They may even have self-harmed or talked directly about taking their own life (17 in 100 people have suicidal thoughts over the course of their lifetime, according to Mind).
Tip: Psychiatrist Dr. Mark Silvert says: "If they are talking about suicide, listen carefully and ask them how family and friends would be able to go on without them. Seek immediate help from their family or doctor if they are talking about suicide. Keeping someone safe, even when they may be angry with you for going behind their back, is paramount. They may very well thank you later."
If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, reach out to a crisis hotline.
From: Good Housekeeping UK
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