Families share what travel with neurodiverse kids looks like — and why routine and rest are key

Traveling with kids can be a life-changing, joyful experience; it can also be hugely stressful at the best of times. And when a child has ADHD, sensory sensitivities or other qualities that fall under the neurodiverse umbrella, the challenges mount even more.

Ahead, parents of neurodiverse kids share what travel looks like for their families, while experts offer advice for moving about the world as smoothly, and stress-free, as possible.

Relying on routines and careful planning

Spontaneity is not in the cards for many families of neurodiverse kids, since many thrive on routine and can be particular about things like food. “My top priorities are routine, rest and aligning travel with interests,” says Emily W. King, a child psychologist and parent who has a weekly newsletter about raising neurodivergent kids. In a recent post about how to travel with neurodiverse kids, she advises parents to "let go of the idea in your head of whatever you think vacationing with your family should look like” and start with the familiar when it comes to travel.

“We avoid destinations that will be overly crowded or overly stimulating," says Katherine Martinelli, a Connecticut mom of two who has a child that is "confirmed neurodivergent." When they travel somewhere that can be exciting, like Legoland, they "build in downtime" that can be spent resting or watching TV back at the hotel. They'll also book a hotel affiliated with the theme park to gain early entry and beat the crowds; by the time lunchtime hits and the park fills up, the family is ready to leave. Keeping a consistent breakfast and dinner routine when traveling has been helpful.

Preparation is key for Martinelli, whose children are 6 and 8. Her family, she says, tries to "preview as much as possible by talking about what to expect and looking at pictures and videos online." Each day she also makes “a general plan for the day ahead” and makes certain that "everyone is happy with the plan." Experience has taught her to prepare for things not going as planned. "We also talk about how we never know what will happen and try to make back-up plans," she says.

“Whenever possible we also try to come up with strategies ahead of time for if the kids are feeling overwhelmed," Martinelli adds. "It could be a specific place they can retreat to, a signal to give us, or even just sitting in the shade and looking at my phone for a few minutes.” Some theme parks, such as the certified autism center Sesame Street Place, have designated calm spaces, sometimes called "low sensory zones," or sensory guides, but even finding a secluded corner can do the trick sometimes. Parents often compile lists of low sensory zones for busy locations like Disney parks.

Strategic packing is also vital. Occupational therapist Caitlin Sanschagrin, who owns Bright SpOT Pediatric Therapy, suggests bringing along sensory items such as “noise-canceling headphones, a weighted blanket or lap pad, fidget toys or a favorite sensory toy,” plus chewy snacks or mouth tools. Christina Adams, an author and autism advocate, suggests that parents research ahead of time to find local sources, if any, for the food items their child might require. "For kids on special diets, plan ahead and pack their basics like gluten-free mixes, candies, supplements and such so you can rely on a supply if not available locally. It’s worth the extra luggage charge," she says.

Setting systems in place

If flying, there are several programs and systems in place to help families who need assistance in the airport. TSA Cares helps people with disabilities, medical conditions or other special circumstances get through security with minimal disruption. Families can also request additional accommodations in advance, such as priority boarding, a seat with extra legroom or a special meal.

Wings for Autism and Wings for All help families practice travel by walking them through every step of the process beyond the actual flying. Many airports around the world also offer sensory rooms in their terminals. These spaces have low, adjustable lighting and comfy seats, and are free from the sounds of flight announcements.

Adams also suggests that parents speak to their child's doctors for any recommendations regarding travel that will suit their child's specific needs. Many experts and parents also have tips and hacks that have worked for them on their travels with neurodiverse kids. In addition to relaxation, mindfulness and breathing techniques, Sanschagrin suggests encouraging a child to move around, even while in transit. “You can also ask the flight attendant if there is a designated area on the plane where your child can move around safely,” she says.

Creating a social story

Several experts and parents suggest creating a “social story,” which are usually personalized, handmade drawings, comic strips or little books which feature the child or a favorite creature as the protagonist who has to deal with a situation. A social story will typically walk a child through what the situation (like a flight or long car ride) will entail and model appropriate reactions to different scenarios that might occur. According to Adams, guiding a child through a social story can help them "get used to the idea and have some feelings of safety on the trip and at the destination."

"The first time my son was going to fly on a plane, I wrote a social story for him," shares Brooklyn-based mom Beth Arky. "We read it a few times before and again during the flight. I started writing them whenever he was going to encounter a new experience. It made it less mysterious and scary for him to have some idea of what would happen.”

An occupational therapist can help craft a social story. Sanschagrin recommends creating a visual schedule which “can help children with ADHD or autism understand what is happening next and reduce anxiety related to transitions.” A visual schedule for an airplane trip would consist of “the security process, the flight schedule, including when they need to board the plane, when the flight takes off and when they will arrive at their destination,” she says.

Making the most of it — and learning to let go

It's important for parents don’t forget to try to enjoy their vacation, too. “Try to get an approved sitter from the hotel or a family member at home to watch the child so you can get a break — otherwise it’s a lot of child focus and not much adult fun,” suggests Adams. While finding a trusted caretaker can be hard with neurodiverse kids, many vacation locales have highly trained staff.

For Martinelli, enjoying the time away means managing her expectations and making peace with the fact that, despite her best efforts, not everything will go according to plan. "Lowering demands is key," she says, adding that if her kid can, and will, only eat chicken fingers and fries for the entire length of the trip, so be it. She's also learned to "quit while we're ahead."

“An important mindset shift for me has been to know when to leave instead of trying to do and see everything or get our money's worth,” she says.

And the disruptions caused by travel could potentially benefit some children who are typically attached to routines.

"Many highly anxious and rigid children I have worked with over the years make great strides with new foods and flexibility on vacation because they are out of their deeply rigid routine of home," says King.

Wellness, parenting, body image and more: Get to know the who behind the hoo with Yahoo Life's newsletter. Sign up here.