Should You Visit the Strip Club With Your Significant Other?
Lisa Kogan is O's writer at large and advice columnist. You can read more of her wisdom here. Have a question for Lisa? Let us know in the comments below!
My boyfriend keeps hinting that some of his friends go to strip clubs with their girlfriends. I’ve never been to one, and I feel a little uncomfortable taking my significant other to look at naked women, but I also want to make him happy…and even J.Lo has done it with A-Rod! How can I work up the courage? Or should I?
Sarah
Sarah, my dear,
Even J.Lo has done it? And I suppose if J.Lo were to jump off a cliff, you’d be taking the leap right behind her? Whoa, I’m so sorry, Sarah, the ghost of my Aunt Ida temporarily took control of my typing finger. I’m normally far more understanding, particularly in this instance.
You see, I have spent much of my life trying to live as J.Lo would. In fact, I recently hired a gaggle of heavily sequined backup dancers, only to be hit with the crushing realization that I am not currently booked to play Vegas. Don’t get me wrong: I still keep them around the house—a heavily sequined backup dancer is a terrible thing to waste.
But enough about me. Sarah, in life, there are all kinds of things that we must do—from paying taxes to prepping for a colonoscopy—but you know what’s not on the must-do list? Taking your significant other to a strip club. Bungy-jumping, eating day-old sushi, getting your nose pierced...these are all things one needs to work up the courage to do.
Frankly, I’m not convinced the phrase “work up the courage” should be attached to anything sexual. Of course you want to make him happy, but not at the expense of your own happiness. If you were even mildly intrigued, I’d say: “Get yourself a fistful of singles and make it rain!” (Actually, I’d say get yourself a fistful of Purell and hope for the best, as my sense is those tabletops get mighty sticky.)
The point is, if that’s what you’re into—enjoy.
But if watching the man you love check out a young woman who calls herself Cinnamon while attempting to pay off her student loans by giving lap dances to drug-fueled hedge funders isn’t your thing—fair enough! Let’s face it: You can only ask your one true love to stop drooling so many times before it starts getting really old.
That said, I can’t help wondering what’s actually behind your sweetheart’s hinting. Could it be that he’s simply looking to switch it up a little in bed? Because if that’s what this is about (and maybe, even if it isn’t), then this is your lucky day! You, darling girl, are being given an extremely interesting opportunity to take your relationship to a higher level while having a really good time in the process.
You can turn, “No, Mortimer, I will not be going on a field trip to look at naked women with you,” into, “No, Mortimer, I will not be going on a field trip to look at naked women with you, but I’d sure love to play out a fantasy...or two…or three.” Note: This strategy will be effective only if your boyfriend is named Mortimer.
In any case, by suggesting an alternative, you’re offering to find something that works for both of you. You’re also offering trust, honesty, intimacy, and the chance to know—and to be known. That’s powerful, profound...and pretty damn hot.
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