I want to practice gratitude, but struggle to feel grateful every day. Is this normal?

Niro Feliciano is a mom, author and therapist with a master of science in social work. She’s a TODAY show contributor and author of the TODAY.com column “Is This Normal?"

Gratitude has been glorified as the antidote to dissatisfaction and unhappiness, and science supports its incredible benefits. But let’s be honest, when life feels heavy — whether it’s due to financial stress, relationship strain or just the grind of daily demands — feeling authentically grateful can be a struggle.

Here's the beautiful thing about gratitude, though: While you may think of it as an elusive feeling when you're struggling with other life stressors, it's actually a practice that has the power to change how we feel.

I have always loved the saying, “It’s not joyful people who are grateful. It’s grateful people who are joyful.” When you make gratitude a simple but regular practice, joy often follows.

What is gratitude?

Gratitude is the lens of appreciation that enables us to see the good things in our everyday lives.

Because life goes fast, most of us have to train our brains to find these good things. We tend to remember the negative far more than the positive, an evolutionary mechanism called the negativity bias, which protected us from predators and other dangers long ago. Don’t believe me? I’m sure you can remember the time someone criticized you far more clearly than when someone complimented you. Gratitude shifts our mindset towards the positive.

Benefits of gratitude

Practicing gratitude can improve our lives in many ways. Its benefits for mental health are well-documented and it can even make you feel physically better, too.

Elevated mood

What research tells us is that different gratitude practices release distinct, mood-elevating neurochemicals that can help us to feel happier, more motivated and balanced.

For example, thinking that you feel grateful or thanking another person can increase dopamine, our reward neurochemical that increases motivation and productivity. It gives us a little bit of a natural high.

On the other hand, writing down the things we are grateful for can increase serotonin, the neurochemical that improves mood and helps us to feel calmer. So if you're feeling stressed, anxious or depressed, a gratitude journal may be a therapeutic, daily wellness practice.

Less anxiety and depression

When people commit to a regular gratitude practice, we see the mental health benefits of less anxiety and depression. Research shows that people who practice gratitude tend to report more satisfaction with their lives and higher self-esteem, according to UCLA Health.

A grateful mindset can also change negative thinking patterns associated with depression and anxiety because it focuses on the positive and the present.

Reduced stress

Gratitude has positive effects on the nervous system, which can combat the flight-or-fight responses associated with being under stress. Gratitude can lower blood pressure and heart rate, as well as improving breathing.

Better sleep

Since gratitude reduces depression and anxiety, creates more feel-good chemicals in the brain and reduces stress, it's no surprise that it can also improve sleep. When you feel grateful, you're more likely to stick to healthy habits that improve sleep — like eating a balanced diet and exercising regularly — and fewer negative thoughts makes it easier to fall and stay asleep.

Improved physical health

The mental health benefits of gratitude, especially reduced stress, can lead to physical benefits, such as a stronger immune system and reduce inflammation, which leads to less illness.

And it may not take long. According to a study out of UC Berkeley, cardiac patients who kept gratitude journals for eight weeks after heart surgery had less inflammation and improved heart health when compared to those who did not.

How to practice gratitude

Listen, I know you are busy. With four kids and a job, I honestly struggle to commit to it myself.

Here are some impactful ways I’ve found that you can get the benefits of gratitude, even with a packed holiday schedule.

Start small

Begin to notice the simple things.

“I’m grateful for my cup of coffee that gave me a moment of peace.”

“For the hug from my 5 year old, as I walked in the door.”

“For the holiday lights on Main Street that lifted my spirits.”

Morning habit stack

Keep a gratitude journal by your coffee machine. Stacking a new habit with an established one increases the chances of your success. While you make your coffee, jot down three things you are grateful for. Try bullet points, and keep it simple. Then think of them, or review past entries as you enjoy your first sips of coffee.

You can also think of three things after you open your eyes in the morning, lying in bed before your feet hit the ground or right before you go to sleep. Easy and under two minutes.

Involve the family

I love to ask my kids, “What were three good things today?” We often go around the table, especially when on vacation when we actually all sit down together. By focusing on today, we stay in the present and find new things. This is the key to dopamine release, which is activated by new pleasure.

To avoid saying the same things each time (my home, my health, my friends), get specific. What do you love about your house in particular? What were you able to do today because you are healthy? What did that friend say that made you feel grateful?

Gratitude jar

A family or personal gratitude jar is also a fun option. Add things to the jar as you think of them throughout the week, and when it is full, read them out out. You can also plan a fun celebration when the jar is full. If you decide to go out for a special meal, you can be grateful not to cook that night!

Say it

Expressing gratitude has benefits not just for you but others. Tell someone when something they did was meaningful to you. A simple text, call or conversation can make the difference in someone’s day and put a little pep in their step. So many of us need a kind word.

Pay it forward

If you can’t find a something to be grateful for, be the reason for someone else’s gratitude. Open a door, buy a coffee, lend a hand. I guarantee that, at the end of it, you will find your reasons for gratitude, too.

Tips to start practicing gratitude

If you’re unsure where to start with practicing gratitude, try this quick exercise:

1. Take a deep breath and center yourself.

2. Think of one thing that went well today, no matter how small.

3. Reflect on why it mattered and how it made you feel.

4. If it involves someone else, consider sharing your appreciation with them.

This article was originally published on TODAY.com