What is D-MER? Experts explain the condition that gives some breastfeeding moms 'this feeling of doom'

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Like pregnancy, the postpartum period can come with unusual symptoms and feelings. New moms can struggle with the baby blues, postpartum depression and issues with milk supply, among other things, but there's one condition some women face that isn't as well known. It's called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, or D-MER, and many new moms who experience it don't even realize it's a thing.

D-MER is tied to breastfeeding, and it causes intense feelings that some patients have described as traumatizing. "It's this feeling of doom," Dr. Tamar Gur, a women's health expert and reproductive psychiatrist at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, tells Yahoo Life. "It's often described to me by patients as a black hole opening up."

But what is D-MER and how can you know if you're experiencing it? Here's the deal.

What is D-MER, exactly?

D-MER is an abrupt emotional "drop" that happens in some women just before their milk is released while breastfeeding, according to a case report on the condition. It usually only lasts a few minutes and feelings can range in severity from wistfulness to self-loathing, the report states.

It's not known exactly why D-MER happens but one hypothesis is that it could be due to a drop in the neurotransmitter dopamine when a woman's milk is released. Still, a lot about this is unknown. "D-MER is not a commonly researched topic, so very little evidence exists to identify the exact cause for this condition right now," Kira Sy, a lactation consultant at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, tells Yahoo Life. "Many different hypotheses have been proposed about what causes the dysphoria during milk ejection."

Gur says that researchers are "very far from understanding why D-MER happens," but stresses that this is "absolutely a thing."

What are the symptoms of D-MER?

It ultimately depends on the person, but experts say there are some common themes. "The commonality is that D-MER brings unwanted, negative feelings," Sy says. "Some feelings described by lactating parents include anxiety, anger, depression, extreme unhappiness, hollow, homesick or wistfulness, loss of appetite, nausea, panic or paranoia, shame, self-loathing or sense of doom."

Gur says D-MER can "really impact a mother's ability to breastfeed," noting that it can be such a negative experience that some moms will stop nursing early. "I've heard it described as feeling like the dementors from Harry Potter," she adds. (The dementors, in case you're not familiar with the Harry Potter series, are dark creatures that drain happiness from people.)

Hope Dimiceli, 26, tells Yahoo Life that she first experienced D-MER when she had her first child and it lasted for the entire 14 months she breastfed her baby.

"As soon as I felt the tingle of a letdown, I would feel a twist in my stomach and a major wave of nausea," the Florida resident says. "When that feeling hit, my mind would typically race and I'd have to fight the feeling of wanting to push my baby off of me as far as possible." Dimiceli says she "mentioned it" during her first visit to her OB-GYN after giving birth because she thought she had postpartum depression. Her doctor told her about D-MER and her diagnosis was later confirmed by a lactation consultant.

Colorado mom Aria Rayes tells Yahoo Life that she first experienced D-MER a week after her daughter's November 2021 birth. "With every letdown, whether spontaneous or from my baby latching, was this intense, insatiable thirst, coupled with an overwhelming feeling that something bad was going to happen and that there was no hope in life," the 28-year-old says, adding that it felt like "when someone receives bad news that wrecks their way of life moving forward." Rayes says that experiencing D-MER is "a glimpse into those feelings for about 30 seconds to a couple of minutes and then it goes away. This happened to me up to eight times a day."

How is D-MER treated?

Treating D-MER can be tricky, and there are no approved treatments for the condition, Sy points out. But experts say there are some things that can help. Gur says that awareness that D-MER exists and that you're not alone in it can be helpful, along with focusing on things you love while nursing. "I always recommend that moms take deep breaths and soothe themselves with some music that they enjoy or guided mental imagery to counter those feelings," she says.

"Different coping mechanisms that can be incorporated include deep breathing, mediation and mindfulness techniques, skin to skin, self-care and talking with your support system," Sy says.

Dimiceli says there isn't anything that has helped her D-MER go away, but she tries to distract herself when her milk drops. "I will drink the coldest ice water that I can just before my letdown comes and read on my Kindle," she says. "Sometimes even reading aloud can help me get past it."

Rayes says she also used distraction to help her get through feelings caused by D-MER. "That looked like sitting down to a nursing session with water, dark chocolate and I Love Lucy playing," she says. "Those things helped distract me in the worst of a D-MER episode."

Above all, Gur says that it's important for breastfeeding moms to be aware that D-MER exists. "People will interpret this as they are bad moms," she says. "But it's important to know that you are not alone with this and you're not doomed to experience it forever and always."

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