The white stuff: can your average pale British man carry off the trickiest shade of all?
Forgive this little vignette; I’m aware that it makes this column sound like it’s written by a cast member from The Only Way Is Essex. This time last week, I found myself on a yacht in Monaco, watching the churn of boats dropping into the harbour with the frequency of taxis through a busy Soho night on any given weekend.
It was, I hasten to add, not my usual kick start to a bank holiday weekend, but one that brought with it a conundrum of a dress code; an “all white” party. We’re not in Kansas anymore. Such a dress code is a notion that my pallid Scottish complexion does not relish, but if there’s ever a time to tentatively embrace that most abrasive of non-shades, it has to be summer, that time of brides in virginal ivory and pristine linens on garden tables.
Boglioli unstructured cotton and linen blazer, ￡555, Mr Porter
Back to the party in question, with guests in glacial tones desperately trying to side step the tomato-smeared mini bruschetta and lethal trays of red wine.
The white dress code had variant degrees of success; for every jet set type with a nut-brown tan who carried off an all white ensemble with the confidence that only a summer spent between yacht tenders and beach clubs can cultivate, there was your average British man (myself included) whose ghostly complexion and impressive ability to attract smudges and stains make the whole thing look a tad uncomfortable. Not least because, as Philip Green’s yacht swaggered up alongside, the urge to grasp one of those fire-engine hued bruschettas and hurl it port side at him grew ever greater.
Incotex trousers, ￡232, Farfetch
That said, there is a freshness to white that makes it summer appropriate, so is there a way for a British man to conquer it? Perhaps it’s easiest when broken apart and played down.
The brashness of dazzling Colgate white can look harsh and a tad cheap, like a Love Island contestant; a look at images from bi-annual men’s fashion trade fair Pitti Uomo shows that chalkier, dustier shades of white (a Dulux chart would call them "Elephant’s Breath" or some such) work more harmoniously, particularly when worn against muted blue and pastel tones.
Canvas jacket, ￡1,400, Giorgio Armani
The type of garment is also important; looking around that lavish party as the night wore on, the crumples on breezy shirts and soft-structure chinos showed up all the more. Which is why it’s perhaps best to look to more substantial garments; off-white suits in the manner of Marcello Mastroianni and lightweight blazers.
White as a punctuation mark against a darker outfit also looks elegant; a black T-shirt against a cream blazer, or alabaster trousers with an inky navy shirt, have more impact that the full effect of a blazing white ensemble.