Why My Long-Term Boyfriend and I Always Spend the Holidays Apart
2017 marks the seventh Christmas since I started dating my boyfriend, not one of which we have spent together. We haven’t gotten together for Christmas Eve dinner, nor opened presents together on the morning of Dec. 25. We’ve never brunched together on Christmas Day, or gathered together at night when the festivities were waning down.
It’s not because we’re not serious about our relationship or our future: We talk openly and frequently about getting married in a few years and growing a family. But never once have we considered giving up our own family traditions for our favorite holiday in favor of celebrating together.
Of course, he would be invited to join in on my family’s festivities if he ever wanted to, and vice versa. But I would never ask him to give up his own celebrations in favor of attending mine, because I’m not inclined to return the favor.
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As the youngest of three kids, I’ve long been tasked with keeping Christmas traditions alive in my family. Even before my older sister had children of her own, I’d demand that we, as three adults, write letters to Santa on Christmas Eve before leaving out milk, cookies, and carrots. My mom still signs presents from Santa, even if I’ve ordered them for myself, and I refuse to be present while she sets them out late at night.
So the idea of leaving my family alone on Christmas Eve or morning to celebrate with my boyfriend’s family feels a lot like letting the Christmas spirit die. As the child tasked with keeping holiday traditions alive, I certainly won’t be letting them end on my watch. And having grown up in a similar family, he feels quite the same way.
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Of course, we’ll have to create new traditions once we’re married and have kids of our own, compromising to spend the holidays with one family or another—or a mix of the two. After exchanging vows, we’ll never spend a Christmas apart again. But until then, I’m perfectly content with celebrating together on Dec. 23 and going stag to my family’s Christmas celebrations.