Why Yapping With Your Friends Is So Good For Your Mental Health
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Don’t get me wrong, I love me some deep conversations: hopes and dreams, existential crises, what’s coming up in therapy, the whole soul-stirring shebang. But the world’s been feeling so heavy lately that I’ve come to appreciate the joy of lighthearted and fun conversations more than ever—whether that’s a quick “just because” call to my mom while puttering around my apartment or a stroll in the park with a couple of buddies to swap low-stakes gossip.
I’m hardly the only one chitchatting up a storm these days. If the word "yapping" has recently hit your radar, you know lots of people want to bring back the lost art of talking about nothing in particular. But unlike a lot of what my For You Page serves up, this is a rare social media trend I can actually get behind. Because for something so seemingly trivial, yapping (or gabbing, or chattering, or whatever you like to call it) can have some pretty dang positive effects on your well-being, both directly and indirectly.
What’s so great about yapping?
For one, connecting with friends is rarely bad for your mental health, no matter if you’re talking about the US’s crumbling democracy or the cute thing your cat just did. One 2023 study highlighted that our convos don’t have to be super deep to be good for us. When comparing the effects of seven types of chats—catching up, meaningful talk, joking around, showing care, listening, valuing others’ opinions, or offering compliments—researchers found that the specific type of conversation didn’t matter so much; just reaching out to a friend daily improved participants' feelings of connection and well-being.
Even if any kind of socializing is a net positive, there’s also something uniquely wonderful about low-stakes frivolous talk in particular. “Chitchat is the social glue that holds communities together and helps us feel like we’re part of something larger than ourselves,” Andrea Bonior, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of Detox Your Thoughts, tells SELF. This sense of connection is crucial in preventing or easing feelings of isolation and loneliness, she says.
More practically, casual conversations can be useful tools in your self-care kit. They can provide much-needed laughter and levity in your day-to-day life (y’know, at a time when many of us are doom-scrolling through negative news or feeling overwhelmed by daily stressors). Plus, phoning a friend when you’re anxious, upset, or otherwise in your feelings can be an effective (and psychologist-approved) distraction. “It's really easy to get stuck in our heads, ruminating and overthinking, and chitchat can pull us out of that,” Dr. Bonior says.
Speaking of mental health: “Staying up on daily social interactions is good for us cognitively, not just emotionally—it keeps our minds sharp, especially as we age,” Dr. Bonior says. So if you don’t have a ton of opportunities to engage in small talk throughout the day—like with coworkers, roommates, or a romantic partner—your brain will thank you for making a conscious effort to routinely exchange words with a fellow human. (Personally, I love a quick fam or friend call between tasks to stave off brain fog.)
And by the way, the positive effects of chitchat hold regardless of whether you’re wagging tongues in person, popping on a video call, or gabbing on the phone, but your mileage may vary. “Live and in person is the holy grail because we’re seeing facial expressions and body language, and we can mirror and reflect one another,” says Dr. Bonior, noting that those aren’t always necessary for good chitchat; they’re just helpful listening and communication skills, which can in turn boost feelings of connectedness.
Still, you can swap stories and laughs over the phone and FaceTime even if you can’t see someone’s smile or give them a hug—meaning you’ll reap a lot of the same benefits. Plus, a lot of what constitutes “ideal” communication comes down to individual differences, including personal preferences, social anxiety, introversion, and neurodivergence. So whatever feels best for you and actually gets you chatting is more than fine, whether you’re meeting up IRL or pressing a call button.
So what do you talk about?
Fans of yapping might describe it as talking about nothing, but obviously, you’re talking about something, right? First, don’t stress—half the beauty of this type of conversation is embracing the casual, spontaneous nature of…well, yapping away about whatever comes to mind!
But it’s natural to need some prompts to get started, especially if you’re not a natural yapper. Once you move out of the icebreaker stage of a relationship, it can be hard to keep convos fresh without defaulting to catching up on what you’ve been up to since you last talked. And while there’s nothing wrong with that, sometimes you wanna switch it up.
To give you a few ideas: What you’re watching, listening to, and reading are always solid options. You can also get creative with planning future (or imaginary) vacations, brainstorming ideas for fresh hangout activities, or reminiscing about the last time you laughed so hard you cried. When in doubt, Dr. Bonior recommends hypothetical scenarios and light-hearted games like “Would you rather?” or Marry, F, Kill as novel ways to get to know even old friends.
Whatever you decide to chat about, don’t force it. The goal is to keep the conversation low-pressure—to connect with your favorite people without feeling the need to fill in every detail or be the most interesting yapper to ever yap. Because with everything going on in the world (and our own little worlds), don’t we all deserve some moments of reprieve to gab with our friends?
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Originally Appeared on SELF
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