Wine-Sipping Attorney in Ascot Is the Most Dapper Anti-Trump Vandal Ever

Philadelphia police recently released footage of what may be the best-dressed instance of vandalism of the year, so far. And it turns out the destroyer of private property is an attorney named Duncan Lloyd, who just happens to work for the city.

Lloyd was caught on surveillance footage, sporting a smart blue blazer and what appears to be an ascot, and carrying a glass of wine. He and an accomplice were caught spray-painting “F*** Trump” on the exterior wall of a fancy grocery store in the Chestnut Hill neighborhood in northwest Philadelphia. No additional wardrobe or props should be required to fulfill a more apt stereotype of a liberal, yuppie hater of Donald J. Trump.

The local office of the Republican Party summed up the situation quite well when it released a statement:

“If the image of an upper-middle-class city attorney clad in a blazer and sipping wine while vandalizing an upscale grocery store with an anti-Trump message strikes you as perhaps the most bourgeois sight imaginable, that’s because it is.”

Philadelphia GOP Chairman Joe DeFelice continued the statement by calling for the firing of Lloyd, who is currently (at the time of this writing, at least) employed as an assistant city solicitor for Philadelphia.

“Did the extra glass of Shiraz [editors’ note — How do we know it was Shiraz?] give him some sort of delusional confidence that there are no cameras on Germantown Ave? The taxpayers should be entrusting exactly none of our faith into this man. He should be fired from our city’s law department immediately.”

Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kinney told the Philadelphia Inquirer that Lloyd remains employed for the time being. “It’s still working out. It’s certainly hateful and inappropriate and unacceptable,” the mayor said. “But people are human beings, and they make mistakes, and it’s a dumb mistake.”

While most local GOP supporters on social media appear to be calling for Lloyd’s head on a platter (with or without the ascot), a scant few recommended some level of leniency:

According to the police, the damage to the building is estimated at between $3,000 and $10,000.

Since the 2016 presidential election, reports of vandalism, harassment, violence, and property damage have occurred at an alarming rate on both the anti- and pro-Trump sides, but this may the first one wrapped in an ascot.