This Woman Rattled Off All The Things She Won't Do For Her Husband, And It's Possibly The Best Thing I've Seen On The Internet In A While
With today's generation, many couples are moving further away from traditional gender roles in marriage. Some women now work full-time, and the man is the stay-at-home dad. In other situations, both parents might work full-time and either hire help or family members help out at home. Or maybe some women choose to be homemakers but expect their partners to help out with things at home at the end of their workday. Nowadays, anything that works for a couple goes!
I personally love how empowered and independent my generation of women is, so you can imagine how delighted I was when I came across 33-year-old mom and content creator Paige Turner's (@sheisapaigeturner) TikTok video explaining the things she doesn't do for her husband.
In her video, which has garnered over 5 million views and 22 thousand comments, Paige begins with a line that I lowkey want framed on my wall: "Small acts of kindness that are mostly domestic labor just add up to work." She goes on to explain that she doesn't do chores like laundry for her husband, but instead, she does hers, he does his own laundry, and together they do their kids' laundry. A similar logic applies to dinnertime: Paige's husband cooks dinner every single night, and she makes breakfast and lunch for them and their kids. GENIUS!
Paige continues her TikTok by listing the other chores she doesn't do for her husband. "I don't make his doctor's appointments because, guess what? He's not making mine. Would it be kind of me to do that? For sure. Is it my job? Absolutely not. I want him to be healthy, but he's a grown-ass man, and he can book his own appointments."
On the flip side, Paige's idea of small acts of kindness for her husband includes things like buying him something she thinks he would like or enjoy eating.
Many of the thousands of comments on Paige's video agreed with her take...
While others disagreed and shared their views on the subject.
When asked why she thinks many couples want to be equals with their partner and abandon the stereotypical gender roles, Paige told BuzzFeed: "I think many women have come to realize that the division of labor is incredibly inequitable. They are finding that they are doing more domestic labor and childcare all while working and having very little time for themselves."
"The data shows that men spend less time on housework and childcare, more time at paid work, and on hobbies/relaxation. I think for many women, this is frustrating, and I believe the pandemic exacerbated these issues and brought them to light even more," Paige continued.
"Women are expected to work and do the bulk of the unpaid labor at home, which means they suffer outside of the home. This is where we see the motherhood penalty come into play as well. I do not just think it is about wanting a career or money; I think most families require a dual income, and since this is the case, women no longer want to be the only person also carrying the bulk of work at home. They want partners who participate!" she told BuzzFeed.
Paige and her husband met in high school so they didn't discuss what kind of household each wanted until they were much older. However, if you can, Paige recommends having these hard conversations before marriage and especially before having kids.
If you're someone who doesn't know how to express your feelings on gender roles or how to break free of them, Paige recommends both individual and couples therapy. "I also found books on this topic very helpful. I have read Fair Play, This is How Your Marriage Ends, Emotional Labor, and Fed Up. All these books helped my husband and I communicate better and learn more about navigating this. So much of this is ingrained in us from how we were raised, which makes it incredibly difficult to change," she added.
Paige's TikTok page is filled with other videos that share helpful advice on navigating marriage, parenthood, and gender roles. "My goal is to create content that helps women articulate what they are experiencing so they can better communicate with their partners and build happier relationships," she told BuzzFeed.
For more of Paige's videos, you can follow her on TikTok here.
What are your thoughts on this topic? I would love to hear more in the comments below!
