This Woman's Step-Daughter Wants Her Deceased Daughter's Wedding Dress – Now The Mom Wants To Know If She'd Be An A-Hole To Say No
Welcome back, y'all! Last time we chatted, we debated over whether this wife should feel like an a-hole for switching over to tampons despite them making her husband "uncomfortable." Now, I need your opinion on a mom whose step-daughter wants her deceased, biological daughter's wedding dress.
For context, the mom, aka u/67099107, said she is grieving the loss of her daughter, Lauren, a 26-year-old who unexpectedly died from sepsis in the same month she was supposed to get married. The mom and Lauren's fiancé are still close after the loss, but it's hard for her, and she has kept her daughter's intended wedding dress as a keepsake. "We bought it together, and she put a lot of her touches on it. Worked hard on it. Although it hurts to look at it, I make sure it's safe," she said.
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While grieving, the mom went forward with her own wedding five months ago, which expanded her family to include a step-daughter, Zoey, who she met two and a half years ago but has not had the opportunity to grow close with due to distance. I'll let u/67099107 tell the rest:
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"The issue started when Zoey visited to talk about her wedding in April. We were talking about wedding dresses, and she suddenly brought up Lauren's wedding dress. I asked her what about it, and she said she saw it several times, and it got stuck on her mind," she said. "She then said she'd like to wear it at her wedding."
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"I felt uneasy. I told her I wasn't sure that was a good idea. She told me it's fine, she'll have to change a few things so it can fit her size and style, but this is why I had a hard time accepting."
"I told her I was sorry but I couldn't let her have it. She offered me money but its sentimental value is what matters to me. She argued, saying I was making things complicated, and it was alright since she, too, is my daughter. She asked if I don't love her as much, and I told her my love for her is different, but she threw a fit, calling me unfair and unreasonable to still say no."
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"Her dad got involved in the argument, saying he doesn't see why I'm against it. I declined to discuss it anymore, but they kept bringing it up, asking if my daughter would've wanted someone else to have the opportunity to wear this dress since she unfortunately couldn't."
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"This made me so mad. I lashed out at both of them and kept saying 'no'. Others said that I had no right to act like that – leaving the dress in the closet when my step-daughter can make good memories with it. But she said she's planning on changing its look. Am I the asshole?"
The overarching consensus? Reddit's poll bot revealed that most people agree the original poster is not the asshole.
First of all, many readers quickly pointed out that both Zoey and the mom's husband are in the wrong, especially considering all the ways they tried to guilt a mourning mother into offering up one of her deceased daughter's last projects for cutting and re-tailoring.
"You're 100% not the asshole, but everyone else in this story sure is. The fact that both your step-daughter AND your husband are continually guilting you after you have FIRMLY said no is not just disrespectful, it’s preying on your grief. I’m disgusted that any person who claims to love you would presume to tell you what your recently deceased daughter would want — all so a girl can avoid having to look for another wedding dress. And the audacity to tell you that YOU are making things complicated! I’m infuriated for you."
"About her comment about loving her less, of course, you would love her less! You birthed your daughter and raised her. You only met your step-daughter 2.5 years ago, as a 21-year-old adult. You may love her, but it will never be as much as you love your daughter, which is completely understandable and normal. The brat and her father need to stop gaslighting you and pushing you to do this. If not, divorce them both because they do not care about your feelings. Best of luck!"
And speaking of her husband, commenters felt that he, above everyone else, should consider his wife's feelings and be on her side. She wasn't able to attend her daughter's wedding, but he can, and for that, he should be grateful and leave her daughter's memory untampered with.
"I would also tell your husband that he needs to shut the fuck up and be grateful he will get to see his daughter get married and not have only a dress left to remind him of what should have been. You would trade anything to have your daughter back, but since you can't, you will hold on to every memory you have. I would also tell him that if he ever goes up against you about anything regarding your daughter's memory again, you will be filing for divorce within 24 hours afterward."
"I cannot imagine the grief you are going through, having lost your child and the pain of not being able to see her on her wedding day. Now, your husband and step-daughter want to take her wedding dress away that she worked so hard on! Send that dress to her fiancé."
"The fact no one else sees your sentimental value in it is disheartening. Stay strong."
A few big brain thinkers considered the timeline and realized that the mom posted about this dispute in March, and Zoey's wedding is in April, meaning she waited until a few weeks before her wedding to ask for Lauren's dress. Either she's a super procrastinator who just needs any dress she can lay her hands on, or she has been planning to take this one all along...
"Not the asshole. Wedding dresses are expensive, and I’m sure Zoey is looking at this as a way to save a few bucks. That said: It’s not for her to change and make modifications to."
"Sounds like Zoey doesn't want to buy her own wedding dress when she can mooch one off of her step-mother."
...which lead to the most commonly found comment: Hide the dress.
"Not the asshole. By the way she reacted to being told no, the way her father sided with her, and the way they won’t drop it, I really think you should either lock it up or give it to someone they don’t know for safekeeping until after the wedding. She might try to take it no matter what you say. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this."
What do you think about the situation? Let me know in the comments.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length/clarity.