23 Women Revealed The Harassment They Faced While Working In Restaurants And Bars, And Something Needs To Change

We asked women from the BuzzFeed Community who have worked in food service or as bartenders to tell us about the harassment they've faced while on the job. Here are their heartbreaking stories:

Warning: Some stories contain mentions of sexual harassment and assault. Proceed with caution.

1."While I was in high school, I got my first part-time job at a local diner as a waitress. I was taught by my manager that the customer is always right and to always smile and be friendly. Eager to please my boss and also earn tips, I was always very friendly and smiley with all customers. One regular customer, a man in his 40s who came in every day, would always want to chat and learn about my life. One day, he asked to use my phone to quickly call his daughter. Eager to please, I gave it to him and went back to serving. He returned it later, and I thought nothing of it. Over the next few weeks, I would always randomly run in to him outside of work hours, when I was in the mall, at the park, outside my school, etc. It was very strange, and at one point, was happening daily."

2."I was 17 when I first started working in the restaurant industry as a hostess. We had peanuts at our restaurant, so the back of the T-shirt I had to wear said, 'Break peanuts, not hearts.' This old man came up to my host stand with a big grin on his face and said, 'If you were a peanut, I'd break you!' Yeah, it was pretty traumatizing."

—Anonymous

3."I was 15 and working in a restaurant as a waitress. It was a casual place — nothing fancy. One day, I was on the closing shift and had one table left, a middle-aged couple. They came to the till to pay, and the man started shouting at me, saying that it would've been polite to bring over a bread basket, or have cloth napkins. I tried to explain that it wasn't that sort of place, and he interrupted me, backed me against the waitress station, and said I would never amount to anything. His wife tried to step in because at this point I was crying and trembling. I thought he was going to hit me. He pushed his wife away and yelled at her to get in the car. Fortunately, my manager had heard him screaming and came running in from the bar area with a bat."

4."I worked at a pizzeria in college where people would go through a line for slices of pizza and then pay at the cash register. I handed a customer his slice of pizza and asked him if he wanted anything else, and he didn’t quite catch what I said due to the noise in the building. So, I repeated myself louder, which, to him, must have seemed like yelling because this scowl came over his face, and he said, 'You talk to me like that again, and I’ll come around that counter to smack your ass.' I just turned around and went to the back employee area. I couldn’t kick him out because he already had his pizza and hadn't paid, so my coworkers finished the transaction."

—Anonymous

5."My ex-boss and head chef came up behind me while I was plating charcuterie and told me to rub it between my legs. That was not the only disgusting thing he said to me."

6."I worked in diners during college where the old men would sit drinking coffee for hours while referring to me as a 'stupid college kid' before smacking my rear. In the early '90s, every diner waitress I knew put up with this junk. However, the worst instance was at the diner my mother owned. On this particular evening, a solo male entered and seated himself. He was pleasant as I got him his drinks and took his order. When I brought him his food, he leaned forward — as if to say something — and bit my breast (through my clothing). Stunned, I walked to the kitchen and called my mother. She told me NOT to tend to the guest, as she was on her way."

"She burst into the dining room, cheerily introduced herself as the owner, and offered him pie for dessert. She thanked him for his patronage and comped his meal. Then, her tone completely changed as she described the punishment that awaited him if he ever came near her restaurant or her daughter ever again. That customer heeded her warning!"

—Anonymous

7."I was wearing a long-sleeve blouse that had a zipper instead of buttons. It was one of my favorite pieces of clothing because of the vibrant blue hue. I was standing with two other managers when one of them just casually unzipped my shirt enough for my bra to be visible. What?"

8."I worked as a bartender for years. There was never a place I worked where I was not sexually harassed on a daily basis, but the worst place was this piano bar. We were expected to dress in very little clothing and wear sexy heels for 12 hours. The money was good, so I put up with the harassment, until one night when I was covering for a cocktail waitress. I was walking drinks to a table when my boss called me to ask me a question. He proceeded to stick his hand up my skirt and into underwear, in the middle of the dance floor. I dropped the drink tray, punched him in the face, and left. That was the end of my bartending career. He did try to get me to come back, but I was very much done."

—Anonymous

9."Wearing masks has seemed to bring out a new type of harassment. Every shift I get asked what my face looks like, and many patrons have even held my tip hostage. I had a party of 30 I was sharing with other servers, and when it came time to cash them out, they refused to get cashed out by the other servers and made me come back over. When I went to grab their card, a group of them said, 'Wait, do you want to make $500 tonight?' $450 would have been 20%, and I was splitting the tip regardless, but they refused to tip until I showed them my face. Unfortunately, this has happened on more than one occasion."

10."I was a hostess at Applebee's when I was 18. A middle-aged man came in, and the first thing he said to me was, 'Wow, you're sexy.' After I led him to a table, he demanded that I was the one to serve him, not the waitress for that section. He kept insisting that I had to be the one to wait on him, so much so that the waitress had to get the manager involved to get him to stop. When I led another party to that section, he reached out and tried to grab me. The manager agreed to let me avoid that section until that man left, and I even left the front area when he was walking out so he wouldn't try to grab me again."

—Anonymous

11."One year, I worked a double on Mother's Day from 10 a.m until 12 a.m. with no break. This was at a popular Italian chain restaurant that was always busy and didn't do reservations, so the wait was over two hours. I had a family of four sit down, and I smiled and began to greet them when the father grabbed me by the arm, pulled me right down into his face, and threatened me that nothing better go wrong with their meal because I had already made them wait two hours. I had a bruise on my arm from him grabbing me so hard. He also did this in front of two horrified teenage girls. Not to mention, at the time I was working with my husband, who witnessed the whole thing."

12."I worked reception at a hotel restaurant. I answered the phone like any other day and spoke to a man looking to book a room. I started asking the basic questions — what date, name, number, etc., and he said he wanted a room for two for tonight, wouldn't give his name, and said the room was for him and myself. I don't know why I didn't hang up — maybe because creepy old men are unfortunately a common thing, and also because I thought maybe it was someone I knew making a joke. Instead, I said, 'I don't think my husband would want that,' to which he replied, 'What? Your husband wouldn't want to watch me fuck you?' and groaned. I hung up. He had been wanking while on the phone with me."

"Why on earth would you involve someone else in that? I was pregnant at the time. I cried to my husband and felt sick about answering the phone for a week."

—hwatson23

13."I'm a kitchen worker. I was bricking the flat top when the sous chef came up behind me and whispered in my ear, 'I like the way your titties bounce when you clean the flat,' and squeezed my hip. Creepiest person I've ever worked with."

14."When I was 16, I was a full-time college student and decided to get a part-time job at my local Hardee's. For some reason (probably the company's somewhat sexual commercials), most of the clientele were men who thought we were there for their entertainment. Even though I was a minor, customers would grope me, talk very sexually to me, etc., and my managers would do nothing. Even some of my older male coworkers would harass me and some of the other young female employees like this. At the time, being so young and it being my first job, I didn't know that I could just quit or stand up for myself more. I would simply walk away, and if it was really bad, I would go find somewhere quiet to cry by myself."

"I would also frequently find used condoms in the men's room while cleaning, and sometimes dirty magazines or underwear covered in cum. One guy tried to 'offer me a job' as an underwear model. I could go on and on, but to be honest, I try not to think about those days."

—that1chick98

15."Some guy at his bachelor party came and talked to my coworker and me about how he just wanted to have one last night of fun with some girls. Later, he came in the back and invited us out to his boat to party. It was around midnight. My coworker's boyfriend, who was standing right there, tried to tell the guy that we were underage, but the guy said he didn't care. Thankfully, he left us alone after we said no."

16."I have permission to share my friend's story. She was working at a pizza place when she was 20, and one day, an older gentleman ordered five pizzas. When he came in to pick up, he asked her to help him carry the boxes to his car. She obliged and went to help him. He opened his passenger door for her, and as she was putting the boxes on his seat, he touched her behind. When she turned around to yell at him, he had his pants down and was touching himself. Her manager saw the whole thing and called the cops on him. The man was arrested and banned from all the locations."

—jubee0225

17."I waited tables when I was a teenager, and I got a lot of regulars. One regular was this old cowboy. He was traveling for something and was in town for a few weeks. He would always ask to sit in my section. One day, he kept flirting...a lot. I was nice and just flirted back. It was harmless, and I found it as an easy way to increase tips. Then, one time he took it too far and started making obscene sexual gestures at me under the table. I was 15. He was in his 80s. I told my manager and hid from him every time he came into the restaurant after that."

18."There was a famous guy who would come to the restaurant I worked at and demand I wear makeup on days that I wasn't. At first I laughed him off, but one day I came in, and he yelled at me. Turns out he had a fetish for eyelashes. He started describing the sexual things he wanted to do with my eyelashes. I cried and quit. He's still out there thriving and probably harassing other girls."

—zombiedolllizkah

19."I was clearing plates off of a table for two older men. The older of the two (well into his 70s) lifted up my skirt to 'make sure I didn't lie to him' when I told him earlier I always wore shorts underneath. I left the table and went and told the owner, whose response was, 'You'll get a better tip.' I quit right there and left the restaurant. I was 17."

20."As a bartender, I get hit on a lot. I used to say, 'I’m flattered, but I’m gay,' which I am. Most of the time, men respond, 'Well, I can change that!' and start asking really inappropriate and offensive questions. Now I wear a fake wedding band."

—shelbymastrodicasa

21."I've had male regulars grab my ass. I've had male coworkers make a game of grabbing my ass every shift we shared. I've had a male manager try to kiss me on the job. I've had a male owner try to kiss me on the job. I've had a male owner get me so drunk off the clock and make out with me while I was blacked out and then tell me a year later that he has pictures of it on his phone. I've had a drunk guy close down the bar on New Year's Eve and try to hit on me while I did my side work. When I ignored him, he grabbed my necklace, pulled it close to his face, and bit it to check if it was real silver. It was, and he bent it with his teeth. In the process, his gum fell out of his mouth and got stuck in my hair."

22."I waited tables throughout college at a family-friendly restaurant. One evening, a family group of around 10 came in — grandparents, kids, and grandkids. I was standing right next to the grandpa to take his order when he reached out and rested his hand right on my butt while placing his order. I just froze. He copped a feel in front of his whole family. I stepped out of the way and never put myself within arm's reach again. It was so unexpected, I didn’t say anything. When I told my manager, he accompanied me to the table every time I went back and took over all one-on-one interactions with this grandpa."

—Anonymous

23.Finally: "I was a waitress at a bistro, and my boss gave me a Christmas card, which I thought was so sweet. But then I opened it and saw that she'd written, 'Thanks for having big boobs that my customers love,' inside. It was so degrading and hurtful."

Unacceptable. If you are a women who has experienced harassment at work, you're welcome to share your story in the comments below.

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.