Women Are Confessing Their Best "Pick Me, I'm Not Like Other Girls" Story, And It Actually Says A Lot About Society
Let's be real: Being a teenage girl means feeling like, at some point or another, you're not like other girls. So when u/universechild333 asked women about their cringy "I'm not like other girls" stories that they're now embarrassed about, it became apparent that these feelings resulted from living in a patriarchal society that, well, patronizes femininity, from girlhood to womanhood.
On TikTok, girls who act as if they're "not like other girls" are typically called pick-me girls in the sense that they try to behave differently — from acting like "one of the guys" to straight-up putting down other girls — in order to seek attention, typically from boys.
After we invited women on BuzzFeed to share their own "not like other girls" phases, many came forward to reflect on their teenage years, and they range from relatably hilarious to a bit melancholy. Here are 41 of their stories, from women on Reddit and BuzzFeed, below:
1."When I was 13, I was a majorette in the marching band, and my whole personality was hating cheerleaders. I switched schools the year after, and my new school didn't have a marching band. I ended up becoming a cheerleader, and by my junior year, I was a captain."
"I actually really loved being a cheerleader."
2."Literally writing, 'Not like other girls' as my Myspace tagline."
3."In middle school — and honestly, most of my life — I just liked to wear black all the time, listen to Fall Out Boy, and watch 'grown-up' shows. I was convinced that I hated pink and that I wasn't 'one of the other girls' because I truly didn't understand them. Turns out, the real reason for that is because I'm autistic. I also have ADHD and social anxiety."
"I still don't understand a lot of social cues and stuff that's unsaid, but I'm a lot better and no longer depressed."
4."I was 'the girl who smoked weed with the guys.' I really thought I was the coolest girl to walk the Earth. I also thought I was cool because I had a resting bitch face, and a lot of girls thought I hated them."
"Honestly, though, if I met high school me, I would definitely hate her, LOL."
5."I used to be really good with coding, so I'd written a code for my Myspace page that recycled and played five different songs each time you refreshed it. I had 'Fantasy' by Ludacris, 'I Can Tell' by Mercedes, 'Candy Shop' by 50 Cent, 'Peaches & Cream' by 112, and 'My Neck, My Back' by Khia. I also had a background with colorful condoms. I was 15 years old at the time — 15 YEARS OLD. I thought pretending to be a freak made me cooler than other girls."
"I'm cringing so hard, I want to slap myself."
6."Luckily, I'm old enough that none of this was on social media, but in high school, I never ate at lunch because my family was super poor. I'd still hang with my friends, but I'd bring these books — like Kurt Vonnegut titles or other advanced books, since I also refused to read popular paperbacks — because I was literary, an English nerd. I had an air of superiority to cover up the fact that I was broke and suffering from anorexia to maintain my aloof 'heroin chic' look in the '90s."
"So embarrassing. ?????♀? I was constantly considered a snob."
7."In second grade, I so badly wanted to NoT bE LiKe OtHeR giRlS. I grew up in a very small town, and everyone would go to our town's high school football games each week. My brother played for the team, so kids in class knew who he was. Naturally, I started 'getting really into football.' One Christmas, I even asked for a Tiki Barber Giants jersey and wore it multiple times a week to school. I'd also play football with the boys at recess because I didn't want to go on the swings like the 'other girls.'"
"I still cringe so hard that that was my personality trait for four years straight."
8."I thought I wasn't like other girls because I had extensive knowledge of BDSM when I was 13–14 years old. I'm now 27, and I realize how fucked up it was for me to be part of BDSM forums, full of people over 40 talking about kinks, at that age. It fucked up my perception of sex to the point where I developed an aversion to it for a few years because of all the things I saw and heard."
"It wasn't anyone's fault. I lied about my age, and my parents didn't understand a thing about computers. Forums also weren't exactly regulated at that time.
"It took me some time to understand myself again and come to terms with sex in general, but everything is good now."
9."In fourth grade, there was a kid named Franklin. During role call one morning, after the teacher called out 'Franklin,' I said, 'Delano Roosevelt,' like it was some sick burn. No one laughed. Growing up in the '90s, I also loved Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys, but I was embarrassed by that. Instead, I'd listen to them in my headphones while blasting Tupac and My Chemical Romance in my car so people would know I couldn't be pinned down by society's expectations of women, or something stupid."
"Now I blast Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys again, as well as whatever show tunes or rap or oldies I’m feeling at the moment. It's so crazy how much you care about other people's opinions when you're young."
10."My AIM name was deathtoall1991 because I wanted to be 'edgy' and 'cool.'"
11."At 16, I brought a thermos of coffee to school every day. I 'needed caffeine to get through this boring-ass day.' Nobody else ever got to try a sip because they 'wouldn't like it.' Meanwhile, it was actually watered-down instant coffee because I wasn't allowed to use the coffee machine at home."
"I'd tell my parents it was hot cocoa or tea."
12."For all of fourth grade, I wore a winter hat with pom-poms and 'cried' when anyone touched it. I also didn't brush my hair. I don't know why I thought it would make me 'real.' I'm so embarrassed. Around the same time, I would hate girls who did enjoy dressing up and stuff because 'they were try-hards.'"
13."Oof, I studied skateboarding magazines to learn tricks (mentally, not physically) so that I could say I could do them while chatting online. I even clipped out skaters and bands from those mags to put on my school locker and binders. I wore a metal ball necklace (whatever those were called) and baggy Dickies on my 14-year-old frame. My AIM screen name was sk8ing-related. IRL, all I could do on a skateboard was move forward while keeping all four wheels on the ground."
14."According to teenage me, 'most girls' listened to pop or hip-hop and dressed sporty, preppy, or slutty. My friends' music was still too mainstream for me, as they liked metal and emo bands that had platinum albums, and they bought their clothes at Hot Topic. Meanwhile, I shopped at thrift stores and listened to the Smiths. My taste in anime, video games, and literature was also more obscure than my friends... Yep, I was an insufferable douche — so much so that I missed out on enjoying things because I thought I was too cool for them."
15."I was obsessed with everything to do with raves — the crazy, colorful, beaded jewelry, the pacifiers, and the JNCO jeans. I had never been to a rave in my life. I didn't even listen to techno music."
"I did end up experiencing one rave later in life. I would still totally rock those JNCO jeans, though."
16."I went to the prom wearing a historical Renaissance dress with no makeup and no hairstyle. I don't know why I thought that was a good look. It wasn't. I also thought I was edgy for learning the human skeleton in Latin."
"I ended up studying biology, so that worked out, but talk about a nerd. I have many more, but please consider this my apology to my classmates who had to endure me during those years."
17."I was totally going down the path of hating feminine things even though I secretly liked them. But you know what helped me? The movie Erin Brockovich. Dude, she was so badass and didn't put up with any bullshit, and she wore miniskirts and push-up bras. She was so pretty, intelligent, and gritty. I realized that being badass has nothing to do with how much you look like a girl or enjoy feminine things. After that, I embraced all aspects of myself. I like being athletic, but I also like for my hair to look good. I have diverse friends because people are fantastic, and excluding feminine-type relationships is a major loss."
"It also showed me the power of changing my mind and not sticking to things just because at some point I decided I was 'not like the other girls.'"
18."It was the era of jerking, and I was so proud of myself for knowing how to jerk. My friends and I would randomly start jerking in public places (I am mortified just typing this out). We even had a little name for our 'dance crew.' During that time, I'd also swear I knew how to make up rap songs and would text my lyrics to my friends. Whenever I wrote my name, I'd try to make it look like graffiti. I've never even tagged anything, let alone touched a spray can."
"I simply wrote my name (on paper) in block letters. My husband does not know of this era in my life, and I refuse to bring it up to him, LOL."
—[deleted]
19."I thought I was 'not like other girls' in high school because I didn't care about my appearance and read 'real books.' Turns out, I didn't care because of undiagnosed mental illnesses and self-esteem issues. The 'real' books I felt superior about reading were also actually popular books like Divergent and City of Bones."
"It also turns out I'm not a girl, LOL."
20."In my mid-20s, I had a very retro and done-up style. I'd curl my hair and do my makeup every day. I'd also proudly state that I didn't even own a pair of sweatpants. I guess I was implying that if you wear sweatpants, you don't care about how you look or something. Anyway, one day a new friend responded to that with, 'Yeah, I feel bad for you. Sweatpants are super comfortable.' Well, bless her, because that finally made me realize I was being a bitch to other women about comfy clothes."
"I also now own several pairs of sweatpants!"
21."My 95-pound high school self took a weightlifting class with all the boys. I couldn't even lift half the weights. I also carried a briefcase instead of a backpack, drank from a baby bottle in high school (WTF?), refused to say bad words, and pretended that sniffing nontoxic markers made me high. I even told everyone that a guy from the boy band 5ive was my cousin because he had the same last name as my aunt's husband."
"I don't even think they were from the same country that I'm from."
22."When I was in high school, I genuinely liked metal and wearing mostly black clothes and makeup, but I was so mean. I thought that made me cute and edgy, but I was just a straight-up bitch for no reason. I wasn't a bully to anyone, but I was also never kind or caring toward people in order to keep up my 'mysterious' vibe."
23."I definitely understand rejecting girly stuff out of insecurity! I finally started embracing my feminine side in high school. That's especially funny because I went to Catholic school and wore uniform pants — not to be unique, I just hate skorts. Because of that, nobody thought I was a girly girl until I'd show up on non–uniform days wearing dresses while everyone else wore jeans and sweatshirts!"
"Seriously, though, repressed femininity is the worst!"
24."I think the pick-me phase is part of growing into womanhood in a deeply patriarchal, anti-woman society. I had a shitty family, and my mom constantly pitted me against my sisters. She was the ultimate critic of anything I did, said, or liked. I was her primary target because I deeply rebelled against what she thought were feminine 'norms.' I was an anime nerd, a video game goth girl. For a kid, this was confusing, frustrating, and hard. I didn't understand why I was so rejected by 'the world' (my family), so I took it out on everyone else. I dove into not being like other girls. I tried to be perceived as tough, hardcore, and 'one of the guys.' I loved my guy friends so much and had a long period of relating only to men. It was cringe, but a time I look back on with sad fondness. Now I wear sparkles, have so much pink, love all kinds of music, fondly watch old anime series, and live loud and proud as a woman who loves being multifaceted."
"My dad never stopped my mom, and my sisters participated. In my adulthood, it didn’t stop and actually got worse. I’ve since gone to therapy about it and cut them out.
"As a child, I had no words or knowledge to explain that I mistrusted women because of my situation. If I had, I wonder if that girl in middle and high school could’ve turned out differently. Maybe she would have had a better shot in her 20s than I did.
"Anyway, I think most people have this experience. We strive to define ourselves in our inner world and in the external world. It’s an important phase to acknowledge and move on from!"
25."I was bullied from first grade until eighth grade, when I met a new girl named Desiree. She was goth and didn’t give a fuck about what people thought of her, so she became pretty much my only friend. Honestly, I’m still happy I met her because she brought me out of my shell, but Goth Steph — that's me — was a douchebag. I didn't bully anyone, but I did act like a tool. I pretended to hate pink or anything remotely girly, even though I was a huge NSYNC fan. We were so obnoxious because we thought it was funny."
"We’d talk in a really stupid voice, scream 'Fore!' when we walked by the local golf course (to piss off the golfers), and scream random shit at people.
"Once, while at a campground with her family, we saw a man sitting by himself at a picnic table. We began screaming at him to get his attention, but he ignored us. In a dumb voice, I yelled, 'Are you deaf or something?!' As we walked toward him, he finally turned around, and I noticed he was wearing a hearing aid. Thankfully, he didn't hear me asking if he was deaf, but I still felt like an asshole. We befriended him after and talked to him for a bit, but who screams that at someone they don't know?
"During that same trip, we stopped at a bathroom. I heard Dezzie farting, so I yelled, 'I heard that!' She just laughed when she came out of the stall but later told me that wasn't actually her. That poor woman I unintentionally yelled at stayed in the stall until we left."
26."I remember being 14, and this 16-year-old guy asked me what my fantasy was. I said, 'Well, I mean, most girls would like to have, like, Prince Charming on a white horse, but I don't like horses. I'm just different like that.'"
"He definitely meant sexual fantasies, not romantic fantasies, but I needed him to know I was cool and didn't like horses like other girls."
27."I spent my middle school years wearing fake raccoon-tail extensions (hair dyed in a striped pattern to resemble a raccoon tail) and saying, 'I'll kill you' to anyone who tried talking to me — especially other girls. I was a Girl Scout at the time, and it was so bad that the troop leader suggested I find a new troop. I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me, but I'm still lying awake at night replaying it all a decade later."
"I guess I thought it made me cool and mysterious? I had one pink and one blue raccoon-tail extension that I insisted were real, and my bangs were bleached. I also bragged about not having any friends, for some reason.
"I was very odd and standoffish, I had severe undiagnosed anxiety, and I never really developed basic social skills as a kid. I was a mess inside and out, lmao. Around 16, I finally realized how shitty I was and dropped the weird, fake, mean persona. I’m a well-adjusted adult now!"
28."My friend showed me a song she thought I would like because I was always going on about liking techno instead of pop. I listened for a few seconds, then scoffed and frowned. 'Remind me to show you some REAL music,' I told her. What I showed her later was the competition music from Nintendogs by opening up my DS and entering a competition."
"I think that's the most embarrassing thing I can recall, especially because it was such a nice gesture."
29."I said stupid shit like, 'I'm watching/listening to [dumb obscure thing]; I bet y'all don't know what that is.' Facebook Memories is going to be the death of me."
"The good thing is that if you thought your past self was cringe, it just means you grew as a person."
30."'Describe yourself with one word.' My response was, 'Bad with numbers.' I personally thought it was the most hilarious joke ever, but my teacher immediately moved on. No one laughed at all."
"I assumed no one got the joke. They did; it's just that I wasn't funny. Maybe they really didn't get it, though. We were in fourth grade, and I stole the joke from my grandfather, an extremely hilarious but very dry guy who loved to read Nietzsche, Mark Twain, Jewish and Roman history, and New Testament scholarship and listen to classical music on cassette tapes.
"I had extremely low self-confidence as a child and just automatically thought, as usual, that I said something fucking stupid because I was an idiot."
31."I had a phase where I would get all high and mighty about the fact that I didn't wear crop tops."
32."A girl at school once commented on my Facebook picture, 'You look cute <3.' Edgy me responded, 'Thanks! (You're not getting a heart back. That would be dumb.)'"
33."I used to think I was so cool for not knowing how to order a Starbucks drink because 'I just drink regular coffee.'"
"By the way, I’ve always hated black coffee."
34."I'm 29, so I was a preteen/teen during the peak AIM days. Putting up 'away' messages was the shit. Eating dinner with your family? Let the world know. BRB? Let them know! Taking a shower? Tell everyone! One of my away messages for just that was, 'Save water, shower with me,' with the kissy face that had the little beauty mark, for some reason. OG AIM users, you know the one."
"I was honestly like 11. I literally had never kissed a boy. I guarantee that I was also still wearing overalls, Keds, and bucket hats.
"I’m a fourth-grade teacher now, and I realize that I was an actual baby at the time. I cringe just thinking about it. Overall, I would really like to go back in time and smack some sense into myself."
35."I wasn't like other girls because I loved hats — top hats, specifically. For a year in sixth grade, I think I wore a top hat to school, and I thought I was the shit."
"It’s funny now, but oh my god, did I cringe for years after it."
36."I used to think I was a natural witch after watching The Craft for the first time."
"It was so cringe. The moodiest middle schooler ever. I miss it."
37."There was a point in my life when I felt like 'I wasn't like other girls' if I didn't complain too much, wasn't too emotional, had no strong opinions about anything, and basically went with the flow as much as I could. Also, if I could be a jack-of-all-trades: knowledgeable about many different hobbies and interests. I basically didn't have my own identity, and I could be any girl you wanted me to be. I'm not like other girls because I am all girls. I'm Whitney Houston; I'm every woman. More seriously, this led to me having no boundaries and a lot of repressed mental health issues."
"It also led to me having a lot of equipment that I barely use anymore and spending a lot more money. I feel like I can never get past the basics of everything, which made me lose my sense of self."
38."I probably had most of my cringe moments as a teenager. I used to think I was cool because instead of using MSN or Myspace to gossip with schoolmates, I was on IRC and playing Counter-Strike or Diablo 2 with my online buddies. I only listened to metal, and I always wore black clothing while decking myself out in chains. On the plus side, with social media being in its infancy, most of my blunders have long been forgotten or were never immortalized online."
"I still have some quirky interests, I guess, but I don't shy away from the mainstream, either. I now like to think of myself as a reasonably well-adjusted lady. I think everyone gets a pass for cringey, teenage behavior or phases."
39."I was one of those girls who were certain they could drink with the boys. I’m tall, so I could drink more than some, but I'm nowhere near a heavyweight. I also told myself I hated pink, polka dots, and sparkles — even though I secretly loved them — and refused to go near them. I thought I could pass as a cool girl by being able to talk about video games. Of course, being a little sister, I never played any of them; I'd just watch. It's so frustrating that so much of my personality was essentially hidden for most of my teen years simply because I didn't want to be seen as weak. It's also weird how society defines anything girly as weak."
40."In middle school, I was the ultimate pick-me girl. I hated One Direction and was very vocal about it. I had no reason. Everyone else loved them, but I didn't, so I 'wasn’t like other girls.'"
"Same with Justin Bieber, but he did turn out to be a dick."
41."With almost everything I did, I felt proud of myself for supposedly not being like other girls. I didn’t wear the same types of clothes 'other girls' wore, I didn’t wear makeup, and I was 'so unique' because I liked anime — all that kind of stuff. I tried way too hard to make friends with guys because, apparently, I thought they were better than girls, for some reason. I do cringe looking back on it, but I also feel sad about it. Girls shouldn't feel pitted against one another."
While the majority of these were both funny and cringe, it's clear that everyone needs to stop looking down on traditionally feminine interests, causing girls to internalize misogyny and repress themselves. Did you relate to any of these? Were you "not like other girls" in your own way? Share your own memories and thoughts in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.