"You’re Starting To Look Like My Beautiful Daughter Again," And 17 Other Unsettling Things People Told Women After They Lost Weight

We asked the women of the BuzzFeed Community to share how people (and society) treated them after they lost weight. Here are their responses:

Warning: This post mentioned eating disorders.

1."I was so stressed my freshman year of college that I actually lost the 'freshman 15' and was unhealthily thin. My periods stopped, and I had a light, almost downy coating of hair all over. I have never had so much attention from men, and I was even approached first over my friends who were (in my opinion) prettier. I was told I should model, and my parents’ friends (who I had known all my life) told me to keep it up. I remember being cold all the time, and I had trouble sleeping because the bones in my knees would rub together."

—anniemh

2."I was the traditional 'chubby' kid at school, and was a size 12 by age 22. I went to college and university and lost weight slowly. Men would come up to me more to try and ‘chat,’ but I contributed it to being at university. It finally clicked how much nicer people treated me when I was trying to get my suitcase up a flight of stairs, and multiple people offered me help. My friends and family started making comments on ‘how much better I looked’ and asked ‘what the secret was.’ I questioned what people thought of me before the weight loss after they started making these comments."

—unbelievablexp

3."I lost 120 pounds, and soon after got a new job title and pay raise. Not a single thing changed about my job. If anything, I'm now responsible for less because I was able to hire an assistant."

—Anonymous

4."I grew up a little 'chubby.' I had very few friends in school, and definitely no dates or interested parties. After high school, I had an appendectomy, which made me not really eat for a few weeks during recovery. This was followed by a very painful wisdom teeth removal, where I couldn't eat for another few weeks. So, in two to three months' time, I lost over 30 pounds. All of a sudden, I had boys lined up to take me out, hang out, hook up, etc. I stayed around this weight for a few years and had pretty much constant attention from everyone, and was given compliments left and right. Now, 10 years later, I've gained some weight back and am even more successful, smart, and put together than ever before, but I don't get even a fraction of that kind of attention or compliments."

—nagemaugratin

5."When I lost weight, a lot of people gave me 'compliments' that were actually an insult to the way I used to look. I was told, 'You look so much better now!' and, 'Someone was trying to describe you, and they said she used to be fat, but now she’s skinny!' Fat-shaming who I was a year ago is still rude and insulting, even if I don’t look like that anymore. For the record, I never hated the way I looked back then. I lost weight to get healthier, not to earn anyone’s approval."

—irishluck429

6."After I got thin, I stopped getting upsold at restaurants. No more being asked if I wanted an appetizer or a dessert."

—raec4

7."I was always fat until my early 20s. I lost about 90 pounds through diet and exercise when I was 23. Men started acknowledging my existence, whereas they never did when I was fat. I also had undiagnosed depression and anxiety, so when I started taking antidepressants, I gained 15 pounds. Now I've gained almost all of the weight back. Men will not even look at me most of the time, and especially won't speak to me. They'll go out of their way to make sure I know they don't find me attractive. They'll acknowledge my friends but pretend like I am not even there."

—annem4e39bbc9d

8."I’ve lived with an eating disorder for almost a decade. One of the many challenges of maintaining my recovery is that we live in a thin-privileged society. I definitely noticed a difference in the way I was treated or spoken to when I was at my lowest weight. When I was in inpatient treatment for three months, the insurance would call every week to check on our 'progress,' but it was basically to see if they deemed us 'sick' enough to warrant another week. I spent so much time trying to learn that my value wasn't based on weight. But in order to get treatment, I had to be underweight, and the amount of weeks that covered by insurance was largely based on my starting weight and would often change throughout treatment."

—good_luck_carli

9."I've been 'fat' my whole life and didn’t realize how different I've been treated until about a year ago. I very quickly lost about 75 pounds. I’ve always worked in customer service, and now, customers tell me how great my makeup and hair looks. I’ve done my makeup and hair the same way, so it’s clearly not alright for them to say that to someone heavier. This taught me that compliments from strangers mean nothing, and self-validation will make you feel better any day. I wish I could tell this to my younger self, as well as any woman who thinks they don’t fit a standard."

—Anonymous

10."Now doctors just gush over how awesome it is that I'm not overweight. Even doctors who never even treated me when I was."

—annab4fef789d4

11."I've lost 6.5 stone (92 pounds), and the biggest thing I’ve noticed is the change in my boyfriend's attitude. He's become really jealous and suspicious of me. He wasn’t worried before because he assumed nobody would want me because of my weight. It makes you question the whole relationship and his respect for me as a person."

—charlotteannec3

12."I was made fun of all my life because of my weight. But in 2017, I lost 50 pounds because of an ILLNESS. When I posted a picture of myself talking about my disease, looking positively sickly, people commented on how 'good' I looked. Only one checked in about my illness."

—icosplayasanadult

13."In the winter of 2020, I decided to start trying to lose weight. I was close to 200 pounds. Before I lost weight, I was ignored in public and not given much of a second glance by customer service in stores. Now that I’ve lost about 50 pounds, I get catcalled quite often — which is disturbing in itself — and am frequently stared/looked at in public. I also find that customer service and food service workers are much friendlier. It’s infuriating."

—Anonymous

14."I’ve recently lost over 50 pounds, and while I’m not at my goal yet, I feel good about my progress. What hasn’t felt good are the well-intentioned compliments about the change. My ex told me I'm much more attractive to him now (implying that I wasn’t when we were together), coworkers have commented on how my clothes fit differently, and even my mom said, 'You’re starting to look like my beautiful daughter again.' I know they mean well, but it feels like I’m being only praised and valued for my weight. Not for my brain, my heart, or any of my other great (and more meaningful) qualities."

—Anonymous

15.I lost 70 pounds, and almost immediately people started treating me differently. I had numerous men let me cut them in line at the store. I had men offering to pay for my coffees at Starbucks. Clients at work started tipping me more, and every single person I hadn't seen in a while had to tell me how beautiful I looked 'now that I was thin.' Well, the pandemic happened, I gained the weight back, and have gone back to being invisible."

—Anonymous

16."When I turned 22, I lost around 40 pounds. I was bartending throughout my entire weight loss journey. One evening, a longtime regular came in and commented on my weight loss: ‘I never realized you were attractive before.’ They definitely thought they were complimenting me, but I’m still shook by that comment almost 10 years later!"

—Anonymous

17."I lost a lot of weight, and everyone referred to it as a 'glow-up.' Realistically, I was grieving two people and wasn't eating properly, but was congratulated for how amazing I looked. It really messes with your brain."

—Anonymous

18."I lost about 25% of my bodyweight over a long period of time. Now, it's remarkable how many people — all men — want to give me unsolicited diet and exercise instructions at my current size. Prior to losing weight, I was completely invisible at the gym."

—Anonymous

I think now's a good time to do a quick PSA that — no matter how well meaning it might be — it's never a good idea to comment on someone's body size. Maybe we should retire that once and for all.

The National Eating Disorders Association helpline is 1-800-931-2237; for 24/7 crisis support, text “NEDA” to 741741.

Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.