Women Are Sharing Their "I'm The Client, Not My Husband" Stories, And To Say I'm Fuming Is An Understatement
If you're a woman, then you already know what this is about: men — whether they're salesmen, mechanics, doctors, insurance reps, or what have you — ignoring women, the client or patient in question, in favor of speaking to their husbands (or, sometimes, the random male friend who happens to be present). Yeah, it's infuriating.
A while ago, Redditor u/teacherspet5859438e asked women about it, wondering, "What is your 'I am the client, not my husband, stop ignoring me' story?" Between the women who answered on Reddit and those who chimed in on BuzzFeed, more than 1,000 women had a story to share.
While these are absolutely outrageous experiences, they're important to share and discuss because they 1.) address how prevalent this is in 2023 and 2.) hopefully empower women to speak up (and continue speaking up) when they find themselves in these situations.
Without further ado, here are 60 of their stories:
1."I bought myself a little, red, convertible sports car. It still had the temporary tags when I pulled up to a coffee shop and got out. A man was sitting at a table on the sidewalk. When I walked by him, he said, 'Somebody sure got a nice present.'"
"I said, 'Somebody has a really good job and buys her own cars.' He looked sheepish but didn’t say anything else."
2."I have a lacerated and herniated disk in my lower back. My husband and I went to see a spinal surgeon, and he barely looked my way the entire appointment. Instead, he talked mostly to my husband. He also never referred to me by name but mostly by 'she.' When I talked about my pain levels or the fact that sometimes I literally fall from the pain, he ignored me. To top it off, when we asked how this would affect me if we wanted to have kids, he said, 'Oh, back pain during pregnancy is normal.' Not if you already have severe back pain, buddy!"
"I left the appointment in tears."
3."I was in a car accident. When talking to the insurance, they always asked for my husband who was not in the vehicle during the accident. It's my insurance, my car, and my bank account. When I took the car to get looked at, they handed my husband the paperwork and handed me a rose. I was so irritated that I let my husband tell them what happened. It took about 30 minutes of him asking me every other detail until they finally realized I was the one they needed to talk to. I then told them no thanks and ended up giving another company the $10,000 check from the insurance."
4."My boyfriend and I went to pick up the glasses I ordered from LensCrafters. The optician explained everything to my boyfriend about my glasses and how it would take me time to adjust. He didn't even look at me — just spoke directly to him: 'She should start to wear them first thing in the morning,' and, 'She will experience eye strain for a few days as she adjusts.' I’m a former optician myself with over 5 years of experience. This guy thought I was too stupid to understand and didn't speak to me about my own glasses."
5."When I was applying for my first mortgage with my now ex-husband, I had the better job and better credit of the two of us. I was also the main person to reach out to the lender. However, the minute they had my husband's contact information, I was suddenly left off the emails with the important forms or addressed second even when they were directly responding to an email I had sent. It literally took my ex-husband saying, 'I don't know anything about this. All these forms confuse me. I don't check my email, and Maggie handles all of this kind of stuff for us,' for him to respect me and talk to me."
"The best part of this story, though, is that now my ex lives in that house without me, and he can’t figure out how to get the utilities into his name. We're amicable, but I do take a little joy out of that minor point of frustration for him. ??"
6."My sons do jiu-jitsu. When my husband takes them to their sessions, the guys running it always talk to him and give tips for practice at home. When I go, I have to ask for anything for home practice and have been told, 'We can email your husband'. Uh, no. I am standing in front of you, I am the one who pays for it, I let them practice on me, and I taught them to tie their gi belts. My husband has to defer them to me because he can't tie them."
"Screw you."
7."I've been a client with a renter's insurance company since I was single. My name is on the policy, and I added my husband after we got married. When I called them up one day to change my payment plan, I was connected with a male insurance agent. He asked me, 'Is your husband okay with this change?' I said, 'Yes, but it's my policy so—' but he interrupted me and said, 'Maybe I should be speaking to him.' Needless to say, I ended the call, called the main number again, and was connected to a female agent."
"Not once did she ask for my husband's permission to make the needed change."
8."In my job, I work directly with patients. I don't have my phone on during appointments, and I can't just leave without getting coverage. However, my husband has a flexible work-from-home job where he can arrange his schedule however he wants so long as his work gets done on time. As such, he's the primary contact for our kids' school in case they're sick and need to be picked up. And yet, without fail, they call me and leave a message to come pick up the kid. Sometimes, it takes me an hour or more to even get the message, and then the school is mad that my sick kid has been camping out in the nurse's office. If they would just call my husband, he'd be there within 20 minutes."
"Somehow, the idea that Dad is the primary contact escapes them."
9."Single mom here. I take my son to soccer every Saturday from May to September. My child's father shows up on the last day for maybe the third time all season. However, the (male) coach goes to my ex to give him the rundown on our son's skills and next steps and to thank him for his 'participation.' He completely ignores me, despite the fact that I'm there every single week."
10."I'm an Army veteran. My debit card is with a military-affiliated bank. Every time I pay for dinner at a restaurant, they bring it back, set it in front of my husband, and thank him for his service. My husband was never in the military. The card has my name on it, and sometimes, they even watch me pull it out of my bag!"
"I have also been by myself somewhere, paid for something with the card, and had the person who sees the card look at me and say, 'Oh, was your husband or dad in the military?' Um, no. No, they were not. I was. Thank you."
11."When I had my appendix taken out, I asked my doctor when sex would be okay again. He turned to my husband and said, 'Whenever you feel ready, you can begin sexual relations again.'"
"I don’t know if he was uncomfortable talking to me about it or was deferring to what my husband would prefer. Either way, it was strange."
12."He wasn't my husband, not even my boyfriend, but a guy friend I happened to have around when a carpenter came to fix something in my home. I welcomed the joiner in and started talking to him about the issue. Then, he saw my friend and did a 180° to talk to him. He literally turned his back on me while I was mid-sentence in my home."
13."I was trying to collect a parcel from the post office that was addressed to both me and my husband. They told me that my husband had to come to collect it. I asked whether they meant both of us had to be there, and the response was no, just him."
"Needless to say, I was not happy. After a while of arguing, they gave me the parcel."
14."When my husband and I were looking for our first house, he had just graduated and still had student debt. I had been practicing law and had $20K saved for the downpayment. The real estate agent only spoke to him, even if I asked the questions."
"In one house, we went to look at the basement, and the guy said, 'You don't want to go there. It has spiders.' I told my husband that I wouldn't ever buy a house from him.
Later, the guy ran for office, and I told everyone the story, including a woman that called me randomly to promote his candidacy. Turns out, she was his mother. It's a small thing but indicative of his attitude toward 'the fairer sex.'"
15."One time, I described my car problem to the desk guy at the auto shop as a 'clicking' when I turned the key and asked if they'd check the timing belt. He said I'd have to leave my car there, so my husband arrived 10 minutes later to pick me up. The mechanic came out and asked him what was going on with the car, never looking at me. I finally asked if he'd checked the timing belts as I'd asked the guy at the desk to do. He had not."
"I've got to say, mad turned to cocky when it turned out to be the timing belt. This happens a lot with auto repair."
16."I have a chronic pain disease that runs in the family. I noticed that my father and male relatives have no problems securing pain meds, but my doctors would never give me any despite clearly indicating how much pain I was in. I started bringing either my father or husband to my medical appointments (which is hugely intrusive) and would have them repeat how much pain I was in. Lo and behold, suddenly, I get pain medication."
17."When I was shopping for a car, the salesmen at every dealership kept talking to my husband instead of me, even though I was the one who contacted the dealerships and made sure to introduce myself first. My husband got sick of it and started telling them, 'Don’t talk to me, it’s not my car. Talk to her.' I wound up buying from a saleswoman who treated us equally — until she pretty quickly figured out my husband was not involved whatsoever in the decision."
18."I once caught some hunters trespassing on my property. I wasn't rude to them at all, I just waved from the other side of the field. The next day, they show up at my house. One gestures towards the police car in the driveway and asks to speak to my husband about hunting in our woods."
"I was like, 'You can talk to him if you want, but that’s my cruiser, and this is my land, not his.' They still insisted on getting permission from my husband." —u/Moleypeg
19."My husband and I wanted a fence around our house. A man came over to give an estimate during a workday. I was ready to sign the papers, and he said, 'I’d rather talk to your husband about the numbers and get his signature since he will be the one paying for it.' I asked him to leave my property and never come back."
"I have always worked from home, and my husband has always worked in a field where he cannot take time to meet with contractors, etc. He and I agree on terms upfront, and then I make decisions from there. It doesn’t matter in life, but for this story, it does: I make more than my husband.
For the fence, we had already agreed on this company based on various factors, and the estimate had ended up being less than we expected to pay."
20."I made an appointment for taxes and communicated in advance of that appointment. I was a new 1099 worker and had a lot of questions. Every time I asked one, the accountant addressed my husband. My husband has always worked a W-2 job, had very few questions, and does not take care of our finances. All of the paperwork was under his name, and the accountant only addressed him in emails."
"Fuck that guy."
21."When I was a baby, I wouldn't 'latch on' when my mother breastfed me, so I wasn't eating well. The doctor completely ignored my mom and only talked to my dad because she was 'too hysterical.'"
"He was on the verge of finding out what that looked like." —u/TheHitListz
22."My husband and I were buying a new mattress. It was a joint decision for the feel of it but my decision for the price-point and warranty since I was paying for it. I noticed the salesperson talking to my husband more than to me (the one with the money), but I'm used to it. My husband then wandered away as if he'd never seen a furniture store before—weird but okay—before coming back and asking me, 'Hey, can I have some money? I'm going to go check out the [dumb little decorative thing].' I was weirded out because I have never seen him care enough about even a lamp to go examine it on his own, but I said sure and handed him some cash. The salesman immediately stopped paying attention him."
"Suddenly, in his mind, I was wearing the pants. He started asking me what I did for a living and whatnot, and I was able to negotiate for a slightly lower price. I love my husband so much. He knew exactly what he was doing."
23."When I was buying my house, I took my boyfriend with me to the viewing. The realtor mostly talked to him and even ended up calling him with bids on a house. Yes, the house I purchased all on my own and is mine."
"I don't take myself too seriously, and I'm not easy to upset or embarrass, so I didn't really care, I was riding high on a wave of winning a bidding war."
24."I was at Best Buy getting some PC components because my friend asked me to help update his motherboard and processor. The first employee was respectful and sent for someone with keys to get the parts for me. The guy with the keys kept asking my friend what he wanted. When I'd have to answer, he'd ask me twice and sometimes three times if I was sure about it."
"Yes, I'm sure. I have a computer science degree. Give me the processor."
25."I'm a female Marine Corps veteran. I have 'Marine Veteran' license plates on my car. When I got a speeding ticket a few years ago, I showed the highway patrolman my registration and USAA insurance. He — no shit — was surprised and said, 'Oh, the car is registered to you?!'"
26."We took my daughter to urgent care for stitches. My husband is holding her, and I check her in at the front desk iPad. The front desk man then asks my husband for the insurance card. We're on my insurance, so I hand him the card. Next, he tells my husband the copay, looking at him behind me, when I'm the one standing at the damn desk."
"I pull out my card, with my name on it, and pay. Asshole."
27."I took my husband with me to look for a new car. The salesman spoke to him the whole time—apart from when he looked at me, opened the glove compartment, and said, 'It's got a nice little lipstick holder!'"
"We bought an identical car from a different place."
28."We were buying a car for me. Because we were paying for it outright but financing the minimum amount, we had to sit in the salesman's office for an inordinately long time answering questions. The salesman, who was great in every other way, would ask my husband the questions. My husband pointed at me and said, 'I don't know, it's her car.' The salesman said, 'Of course, but we all know how it goes, right?' and kept asking him."
"We both wanted to get the paperwork signed and get the hell out of there with the car, but we were also on the same wavelength wondering how far we could go with this. So, the salesman would ask my husband a question. My husband would blatantly turn to me and repeat the question. I would answer him, then he would turn back to the salesman and repeat exactly what I'd said. The dude never got the idea that maybe he could just ask me the questions.
We bought my husband a car later and put both of our names on the paperwork. When we had to sign, the finance guy saw that my last name was different and asked when we were getting married. He was confused when we said, 'Er, eight years ago?'"
29."I was dating someone for less than a year when I had to get an emergency hysterectomy. They asked him if he was okay with it."
"Like, they needed his permission first."
—Cecile, Facebook
30."I ordered a grill from Lowe's for curbside pickup and called my best friend (who is male) with a truck to drive. The Lowe's dude took forever before coming outside MULTIPLE TIMES to let my friend know the grill is missing, give him status updates, and apologize. The whole time, he's looking my friend in the face and ignoring me. Every single time, my friend says, 'Talk to her. I’m just the ride.' Women are allowed to make purchases."
"We like food, too. Friend earned major additional kudos that day for calling out the Lowe’s dude’s sexism."
31."My daughter was born with a birth defect, so my husband and I had met with a genetic counselor to discuss it. She was asking us basic background questions and first asked my husband, 'When did you graduate from college?' Then she turned to me and asked, 'And you? Do you have a GED?' At the time, I was one year away from completing my Master's Degree. There's nothing wrong with GEDs or community college, but I was so annoyed that she asked it like that. I don't know if it was a sexist thing or what. We were both in our late 20s, so it's not like I was a lot younger or anything.
"My husband had attended a community college for a short time, but she didn't know that."
32."My parents were looking to get solar panels and invited several people over for quotes. This one salesperson kept looking only at my dad, responding only to his questions (and not my mom's), and only addressed my dad with the quote. My mom stood her ground and said that even if his offer was the lowest, they would not be choosing him."
"My mom is very anti-confrontational, so I was really proud of her.
Another time, I was helping my mom book plane tickets online for both my parents. Even though she filled her name in first, the online system suggested that my dad would be the 'main booker'. My mom booked her tickets elsewhere."
33."Despite earning more than my husband, my accountant puts my husband as the primary taxpayer and me as the spouse. I called him out on it last year."
"It is an issue with the tax forms. There shouldn't be a 'primary taxpayer' in a married couple. Both are taxpayers, especially if both earn income."
34."When we were having our house built, the lady helping us kept saying that the house would have Wi-Fi on all three floors. We asked to have ethernet cables run to certain rooms. She laughed and said, 'Well, he can have one run to his office, but you'll be fine with Wi-Fi.' I was like, 'No, I would like one as well.' We both play games online (sometimes MMOs) and wanted hard lines run. She just couldn't understand why a woman would need anything other than Wi-Fi. It made me angry for her to make the assumptions."
"My husband is awesome and regularly tells contractors to speak to me about things. My dad was a machinist, my mom worked for a tool company. So my husband handles the car, and I handle the house — divide and conquer. ??
It's so frustrating when people assume I don't know anything about repairs or tools. I'm just glad my husband is very supportive and knows I am capable of doing things."
35."When I was in the hospital, the psychiatrist asked to speak to my father on the phone about if he was comfortable with me being discharged despite me saying I was 24 and didn’t live with my dad. He also didn't asked me how I felt about being discharged."
"He just asked to speak to my dad."
—Sophie, Facebook
36."I was buying a TV, and my boyfriend came along to help carry the box. Every time I asked a question, the employee answered by turning to my boyfriend and talking to him. Even when my boyfriend said stuff like, 'I don't know, it's her TV,' the employee still faced and made eye contact only with him. I was pretty irritated. The last straw was when I handed him my credit card, and he turned to my boyfriend to ask if he wanted the two-year warranty. Finally, I snapped at him, 'It's not his TV! I am buying this TV! Stop trying to sell it to him!'"
"I was pissed, and it was the most irritating and sexist customer service I’ve ever experienced."
37."Occasionally, when my husband and I go out to eat, I'll order steak and he’ll go for the fish. The server (who took our order) nearly always gives the steak to him. I've even had a server move the steak knife from my side of the table to his and put the fish knife next to me. They'll then apologize for the mix-up with the utensils."
"It makes me wanna punch them."
38."I took my car in for an oil change and tire rotation at a Sears. The mechanic told me one of my tires had stripped bolts and said, 'Don’t let your brother or boyfriend work on this car anymore. They’ve stripped the bolts.' I was going to let it slide, but he said it again before I left: 'Remember, don’t like your brother or boyfriend mess with the car. I don’t want you to have to pay for their mistakes.' I finally snapped back, 'The only two places that have worked on my car are you and the dealership, so I’m betting you stripped the bolts. It’s great that you assume I have a brother or boyfriend working on my car when I could just as easily be doing it myself.'"
"I’d already been teaching myself to do light maintenance on my car at that point. But that was when I started working hardcore—doing everything possible with my car myself—just so I can rub it in men’s faces when they assume I can't work on a car."
39."I took a loan out of my retirement through my work. I had to have my husband sign off on the loan saying he was 'ok' with it. His name isn't even listed on the account, he's a beneficiary. Now, when he took out a loan on his, I didn't have to sign anything."
"I'm not sure if it is sexist or just the way my account is set up through my company. My husband has the same benefits company as me but works for a different company. It still irked the crap out of me."
40."The gynecologist wouldn't take my pain seriously when I couldn't walk unassisted—until my husband said we couldn't have sex."
"Instant change of tone."
—Kristen, Facebook
41."My fiancé and I went to Portugal for vacation, and I noticed that at restaurants, our hotel, etc., people always spoke to him rather than to me. I speak fluent Portuguese; he doesn't know it at all."
"Everyone was lovely, and I'm sure didn't realize they were doing it, but I could tell people were surprised when I was the one to speak up."
42."I had a repairman come into my apartment for some minor repairs. The guy fiddled around a bit and eventually asked me for a butter knife. I gave him one. He used it to unscrew a screw. I asked him if a flathead screwdriver wouldn't have been better."
"He asked me, 'You have a flathead screwdriver?' I pulled out my fully stocked toolbox, clearly better prepared than he was."
43."I’m a former bartender who loves bourbon and whiskey. My dear husband prefers pi?a coladas. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve gone to nice bars where they serve him the whiskey and try to bring me white wine flights."
"When a bartender actually listens, we usually tip very well. Why is it so hard to open your eyes and ears?"
44."The boiler pressure kept dropping at my house. I'd had a plumber out at least 20 times, and he finally told me to contact the manufacturer. I called, and the man on the phone immediately said, 'You need the plumber to contact us.' I told him no, he'll be dealing with me. 'What about your landlord?' I literally said, 'You're not giving me a chance to explain the problem. You're just assuming I don't know what I'm talking about.' He responded, 'I need to talk technical speak, and you wouldn't understand.' What should have been a five-minute phone call—and would've been had I been a man — took 45 minutes.
"I spoke over him and explained everything, right down to the pressure I set it at and how long it takes the pressure to drop. I even told him about the part of my boiler that may need replacing. Eventually, he said, 'Yeah, that does sound like a problem.'"
45."My husband and I are renovating our house. We went over everything we wanted, and I set everything up. One company came out for a quote, so I met with the guy and explained everything. He came back out to go over the laughable quote—he literally just wrote a number down on a piece of paper without anything else written—and said, 'I’ll just give you a quick rundown, and I can come back when your husband is available. We’ll go over everything then.'"
"Needless to say, he did not get the job from us."
46."I was working as an RN, and I had broken my shoulder into six pieces at work. I was explaining to the doctor that the bones in the humeral fracture were still grinding, and we needed to redo the x-rays. In front of my 16-year-old son, who had driven me there, the doctor replied, "RNs are the biggest pains in the asses—especially women because they are so histrionic.'"
"My son immediately responded, before I could, 'Don’t you dare talk to any woman like that, especially my mother. She saves patients AND doctors' asses for a living."
This doctor was dumbfounded that a 16-year-old boy spoke to him like that. I looked at the doctor and said, 'It’s sad that a teenage boy is more evolved than you are.'" —Nicko, Facebook
47."I bought my house when I was 32. At the signing, I began to read through the paperwork. The male seller's male lawyer said, 'You don't need to read all that,' as they both laughed. I looked the lawyer dead in the eye and said, 'Are you going to be paying my mortgage for the next 30 years?' He said, 'Of course not.' I said, 'Then shut up until I'm done reading.' Shocked expressions."
"The male seller was inept and cheap. He painted over all the outlet and switch covers instead of removing them. Rather than buy the correct parts, he used an old metal vacuum wand as a pipe under my kitchen sink. He not only used nails (instead of screws) to repair the deck, he failed to use galvanized nails, so there are rust spots around each one.
Plus, the male lawyer failed to do a proper title search. I ended up filing a title insurance claim and got a sweet $12,000 back for half an acre that was listed on my deed but had been sold separately.
Who's the bitch now?"
48."My husband and I are both on active duty in the military. Our 11-year-old son has epilepsy, and we have to keep his medical records up to date. I brought him for a regular physical, and his doctor said, 'His epilepsy paperwork expires in a few months. Make sure that gets updated or else Dad can’t change duty stations.' I said, 'Or I can’t leave either. I’ll set up another appointment to fix it.' I was literally in uniform."
49."My mom tried to change something on her wireless plan, which was in her name. They wouldn't do it without her husband's approval. She had to get my teenage brother on the phone to pretend to be her husband."
"Life is ridiculous being a woman."
50."I was sitting in a furniture store and texted my best friend to get her opinion on a piece I was looking at. The salesman goes, 'You texting him to see if he’ll let you buy it?'"
51."I needed to take a small loan out of my retirement account, and they said your husband has to sign off on this. I ended up apologizing to the representative on the phone because I went insane after I asked if a man's wife would have to sign, and they straight up said no. They were a 'Christian' company, so the man had to approve it."
52."I was in the military and got injured in Afghanistan. I ended up getting a Purple Heart. When I was medically discharged, I got a Purple Heart license plate on my pickup. One day, in a mall parking lot, I was getting out of my truck, and an older couple passed by. The man said, 'Thank your husband for his service.' I said, 'Excuse me?' He said, 'The Purple Heart plate—we thank your husband for his service.' I said, 'Well, one, I'm not married and never have been. Two, that's my Purple Heart.' His wife turned bright red, and he got all flustered and said, 'I didn't know females could get Purple Hearts.'
"I was so pissed, but it's happened a bunch of times. And the pickup is a whole other issue."
53."I called an insurance agent to set up policies for my and my husband's two vehicles. I explained very clearly that I own and drive the truck, while my husband owns and drives the SUV. When the agent emailed me the policy, the truck was in my husband's name, and I was listed on the SUV. I called him to fix it, and he questioned me several times as if he didn’t believe me."
"Then he said that it’s not a big deal and that he wouldn’t change it because it didn’t matter if we were listed on the opposite vehicles."
54."In seventh grade, I had surgery on my toe. I had a note to excuse me from P.E., but that didn’t matter to the male teacher who had a history of sexist behavior. He insisted I play kickball. I was a very shy, quiet kid who always did what my teachers said, but I knew I couldn’t play kickball. He wouldn't listen to any of my reasoning and disregarded the note. Finally, one of the boys in my class said that I really did just have surgery, and the teacher immediately believed him and said I could sit out. The boy didn’t even know if I had surgery or not."
"He just knew I wasn’t a liar and that this teacher was an ass."
55."I had a stalker for well over a year. I called the police multiple times, but they would not open a case or even formally take down my information until my dad called on my behalf because he was absolutely livid. They called me immediately after speaking with him."
"I was a grown adult, not living at home. Then they did...nothing. But that's another issue."
56."I had been in the hospital with septic. On a scale of 1–10, my pain level was 8–10, and the doctor wouldn't do a thing about it. The doctor decided to turn to my husband and say, 'Would you be in this much pain?'"
"My husband rarely gets mad, but he lost it."
57."I have endometriosis and other chronic issues, so I needed a partial hysterectomy. They told me that I couldn't have one because my husband might want to get me pregnant. They'd rather me suffer and possibly die than not have children."
"I don't even want children."
58."Two years ago, I booked a flight for myself and my boyfriend. I used my credit card, my email address, and put my name first. When they sent the confirmation, the email was addressed in his name, and they'd moved him to passenger one."
59."I hold a trade card at a well-known auto parts chain. Every damn time I present it, I get questioned about it—why I have it and who it actually belongs to. One time, I gave it to my husband and asked him to pay. No questions asked at all."
"Heaven forbid a woman should work on cars and deserve a trade discount."
60."I bought a house a few years ago that my boyfriend (now husband) moved into. He wasn’t on the title at all, but because it was a community, it's required that I list whoever lives in the house. Our mortgage has always come in his name—because he’s the male on the list of people living in the house—even though the house is entirely in my name."
If you made it to the end, congratulations! Remember to unclench your jaw, relax your face, and take a deep breath...3...2...1...and out.
Why do we do this to ourselves and read these, you might ask? Well, hopefully, their stories are a good reminder to speak up in these situations — whether you're the person experiencing or witnessing them.
Personally, after reading, I also feel more validated in my anger and experiences and encouraged to continue advocating for myself when these situations arise.