Women Are Sharing The Rudest Thing A Date Ever Said About Their Job, And I'm Calling Miss Manners For Backup

When you're getting to know someone new, it's really common to ask them what they do for a living. Learning about how a person spends their day at work can be an interesting window into their life. However, even in the year 2023, women still run into sexist nonsense when they reveal their occupations to the men they date.

Recently, we asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share the rudest thing a date has said to them about their job, and the comments were full of women getting negged or being told to shrink their ambitions in order to find "love." Here's what they had to say:

1."After two hours of sad bragging and barely any questions for me, we were in the parking lot, and I was trying to politely make my exit without him following me to my car, and he chose this time to ask about my library job. 'So, what, do you just, like, shelve books all day? Wait, never mind. You can tell me on our next date. ??' What next date??"

2."I’m an ichthyologist, which is a scientist that studies fish. It’s a super cool job, and [I] love it. But once a guy was getting all freaked out about it, telling me several times that it was a weird job, he never imagined himself dating someone with that job, stuff like that. Finally, I asked him if my job was a problem. He grew pale and hesitated for a moment, then said, 'I’m just scared... Do you...have sex with the fish?' I walked right out of that date!"

—Rachel, 36

3."I am a career paralegal and love my job and industry. I went on a Hinge date. It was our first date. He barely asked me any questions, and when he did, it was to ask me why I hadn't become an attorney. He said it in a way to let me know that he was not happy that I settled for being 'just a paralegal.' He then proceeded to only talk about his boring ass scientist job. We didn't go on another date. And I am still just a happy paralegal."

—andreaj16

4."Awww, how cute you're a teacher. Is it temporary or a long-term thing?"

5."I was a professional theater actor for many years. Went out with a guy once who said, 'When are you going to grow up and get a big girl job?' I was rehearsing one show during the day 9–5, Tuesday through Friday, performing a different show each night 6–11, with two shows on Saturday (would be at the theater from noon to 11 p.m.) and one more on Sunday (noon to 5ish). I only got Mondays off, but yeah, dude, that's not a 'big girl job.' There was no second date."

—kate3

6."I worked for a demolition company during the day, a hotel at night, and bartended on the weekends. He said I brought nothing to the table because I was 'basically paid to party with drunk people.' Excuse me? Sir, with just my day job, I easily make more than you. In the same convo, he insulted my dog (a rescued pitbull mix), my vehicle (a Jeep), my house (because it was a townhouse), and my motorcycle preference (Harley over Indian). He was part of a commission-only MLM type of thing and cleaned gutters part time, 32, and lived at home, and was driving his mom's Buick. Needless to say, I walked out of that date, and he was blocked by the time I reached my car."

—Samantha, 33

7."I have managed an incredibly successful multimillion-dollar restaurant for years. My date did something in law, but wasn’t a lawyer (pretty sure he was a paralegal). He boldly compared working for tips, i.e. serving and bartending, to prostitution. I was in shock. Most of my servers and bartenders have at least bachelor's, if not master’s degrees, and are all incredibly intelligent, hard working, and humble. I smugly told him I had to excuse myself to go turn a few tricks to pay for my drink, grabbed my bag, and walked the fuck out so fast."

8."Not a date, but an ex. We went to college together, but he went to law school, and I went into a graduate degree. When we broke up, he admitted to me that for most of our relationship, he'd assumed that my degree was a hobby. He'd assumed that after I finished the degree, I might get a 'cushy library job' that I could leave to become a stay-at-home mom once we had kids. I told him pretty early on in the relationship that my career goals involved being a consultant for museums (not libraries), traveling the world, never getting married, and never having kids. I thought that by being open about my intentions, he would do the same, but instead he was secretly hoping I'd give it all up and move wherever he wanted once he became a lawyer and 'settle down.'"

—Liz, 28

9."I’m a structural engineer. At the beginning of my career, I once found myself telling a man that I 'just worked at an engineering company.' After they asked what I did there, I found myself lying and saying I was an office assistant. I felt so stupid. It all started after the time I was talking to a guy at a bar and I had gotten, 'Wow, you really like to throw that in men’s faces, don’t you?' I was like, 'What? No! I just answered your question.' And he said something along the lines of, 'Oh no, you’re not trying to be out of my league AT ALL.' I was like, wtf?? Like, not even half jokingly, he was insulted that I was proud of my job."

"After that automatic lie came out of my mouth and I realized how stupid and pointless that was, I realized it wasn’t my problem at all. It was one single incident where some insecure guy thought it was me bragging.

I will admit I do try to avoid the topic of what I do when I’m making casual conversations at bars with people these days, not because of anything other than I always end up having to explain it and get into it, and I can talk a lot if no one stops me, and a majority of people are very polite and won’t. It’s more fun to ask them questions anyways."

—grimchbettahavemymoney

10."A date once said teaching middle school must be easy because 'it’s like babysitting but they are old enough to take care of themselves.' I saw red and quickly lost his number. My only regret is not telling him how wrong he was, but I doubt he would have cared."

11."Not a date, but when I broke up with my most recent ex, he told me that he thought I needed to move back to Arizona (my company made my position remote and I moved to another state) and actually work. When I asked for clarification on what he meant, he told me that all I do is sit in bed and change fonts. I'm a web designer who's been with the same company for three years. He was a food server who went through three jobs in the nine months he lived with me."

—Gabrielle, 31

12."I was teaching geometry and loved my students. One day I was telling my then-boyfriend about something funny that happened, and he said, 'I don’t give a shit about your students.' We stayed together a while longer, but emotionally, I was checked out after that comment."

—anon12345678900987654321

13."I went on two dates with a guy in early 2021, and on our second date, he (unprompted) started explaining to me that the COVID vaccine is fake and just a way for the government to microchip everyone. When I politely disagreed with him, he said I didn’t know what I was talking about. I reminded him that I work in the medical field, and he said, 'I mean, barely.' I’m a medical researcher. He works in consulting."

14."I worked in a pharmacy at a hospital. We made chemotherapy IV, saline, potassium, or whatever the doctor needed. Also dispensed pills. Went to school for two years and had to test to get a license. First date said, 'Oh, you just fill bags up or put pills in a bottle? I wish my job was that easy.' He worked for DOT as the sign holder. Yeah, 'cause if I mess those bags up, it’ll kill someone instantly, Mr. Sign Holder."

—nicoleflippen

15."Many years ago, I was talking to a guy on a dating app. I told him I was a teacher, and his response was laughing and saying he was glad he had a real job. He worked at an oil change garage. No disrespect to auto mechanics, it’s a service many of us need, but so are teachers."

—Annamarie, 47

16."'Oh, so you're just one of those sexy secretaries that doesn't actually know how to do anything, and they just keep you around to look at.' I'm an administrative assistant and, to be clear, my office would not be functional without me."

17."Every bartender on a first date ever hears, 'So what do you really want to do?' This, asshole. Sure, it's fucking hell on earth sometimes, but I make good money, work three or four days a week (albeit 12 hours with no breaks), and take vacations whenever the fuck I want."

—l44172b2d2

18."In 2008, I was a new hospital registered nurse (RN) making $28 per hour with a two-year community college degree. He was a master's prepared state wildlife biologist with six or eight years of experience. We were serious enough at that point it was reasonable to discuss finances. He asked how much I made. I told him. He scoffed and said, 'With a community college degree?!?! They shouldn't be paying nurses THAT much.' Turns out, I made substantially more than him. Turns out also, we didn't last after that convo."

—Sunshine, 43

19."He asked for my salary, and when he found out I earn more than him, got very annoyed and said, 'If you want a partner and husband, you need to quit or do something more appropriate.' And then, he proceeded to lecture me about how men cannot have a healthy relationship with a woman who earns more than them because 'that’s not your job.' I politely told him I disagree, but what I wanted to say was, 'I didn’t bust my ass at college and then a top-10 Ivy-adjacent graduate program all with scholarships and no debt for you to bitch and moan about it hurting your feelings.' Then, he was shocked that I didn’t want another date."

20."My ex-boyfriend told me that he thought people should only be allowed to choose from three careers: law enforcement, medicine, and education. And that people should not be allowed to study or make a career out of any art. I am a professional ballerina."

—Savanah, 30

21."Wasn't a date, but an actual living, breathing significant other. I work in student affairs in higher education, and my partner looked me dead in the face and said my job was meaningless and college isn't important. And I was still a fool that stayed with him for four more months."

—Anonymous

22."I’m a pediatric nurse. I LOVE my job, but it gets a little annoying how my dates say rude things about it. 'You’re not smart enough to be a doctor, I guess.' 'All you do is take people’s blood pressure all day.' That type of stuff. But the WILDEST story is when some guy tried to spend the ENTIRE day convincing me that because I was a doctor and not a nurse, I wasn’t a feminist and was giving into the patriarchy! WTF."

23."I'm a professor. A TENURED ONE. And I'm also youngish, and I am heavily tattooed. So when I've told dates my job in the past, they have replied with either or both of the following: 1. 'What ages do you teach?' They seemingly can't connect how I present in the world with anything other than somebody who teaches children. I don't. I am a college professor. I have no problem with childhood educators at all, but usually, kindergarten teachers do not say, 'I'm a professor.' 2. 'No you're not. You don't look like one.' Okay sir, sorry I'm not a geriatric white man in tweed. My bad. Being informed by a man I barely know that I couldn't possibly do the job I do is so deeply presumptuous and insulting that I typically just laugh at them because their failure to overcome cognitive dissonance is playing out right before my eyes."

"I usually then go on to inform them that I also operate a human cadaver dissection lab and tell them whatever the current count is of people I have skinned (right now, it's 47 for the curious). Unsurprisingly, I've been told I'm scary. Good. Be scared. My husband thinks I'm delightful."

—Christina, 34

24."I was called a 'health and safety Nazi' when I told my date that I was an OSHA instructor."

—Claire, 46

25.And finally, "This wasn't a date; this was my husband at the time. I had been promoted to assistant vice president and was overseeing a small department, while he was in more of a manual labor role. I would come home fatigued from mental exhaustion, and he would say, 'You don't *work*, you have *a job*,' in this smug tone because he felt only physical labor was real labor and could be tiring. A year or so later, he was made a supervisor and had to manage a team. All of a sudden, he would complain about how tiring and stressful it is."

Welp, I need to go take a rage nap now. Has a dude ever said anything like this to you about your job? Let's talk about it in the comments.