40 Women Talk About What They Would Have Changed About Their Wedding, And I've Never Even Considered Some Of These
For a lot of people, your wedding is one of the most important days of your life! It's an opportunity for friends and family to come together and celebrate the love and commitment between you and your partner.
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But a big day often means bigger expectations, stressors, and potentially bigger mistakes.
Recently, Reddit user u/Puzzleheaded-Yam-411 asked former brides, "What would you have done differently on your Wedding Day?"
Here are some of the best responses:
1.“I would not have told anybody about my wedding plans. Everyone felt that they knew better than us. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law lost their shit over my flower selection. My mom told me I was an embarrassment over my catering selection. When showing my aunt my Pinterest board for wedding dresses, she literally said, 'I know your style is better than this; these are terrible. It’s a good thing that I caught it before you bought anything.' I still did everything that I wanted, and the day was lovely and everyone enjoyed and behaved themselves. But I could have saved myself a ton of misery if I had only kept my mouth shut about my plans.”
“Mind you, my husband and I paid for everything ourselves. Up until the morning of our wedding day, the women in my family were trying to pressure me into making changes and spending money that I didn’t have. I wish that instead of wasting all my energy on defending my choices, apologizing, and then second-guessing my plans, I spent that time enjoying being engaged.
It seems petty because it is only a one-day event. But seeing how judgmental and pushy they all were in trying to bully me into each of their own specific tastes really opened my eyes, and has caused a bit of a 'strain in those relationships.' Read: I’m no longer the easy-to-manipulate pushover they all needed me to be.”
2.“As a former wedding photographer, I could add a lot here, but all I will say is that there’s a reason experienced wedding photographers charge what they do. When choosing a photographer, make sure you look at a full album of one whole wedding rather than a couple of photos from a few of their weddings. There are many cases of photographers stealing photos from the internet and claiming them as their own.”
“I have heard too many horror stories and shot a number of after-wedding mock-ups due to couples relying on friends and family for photos, or choosing someone just starting out. You need someone who can shoot in a variety of lighting and weather conditions. What you may think is well lit could be dark by camera standards. It's not something to trust to a novice.”
3.“Everything but marry someone else. My wedding day was not my wedding day. It was the wedding day I was expected to have by my parents and relatives because they all knew that my sister and brother wouldn't have 'proper' weddings. I had to wear a white beaded monstrosity with a 4-foot train, carry a bouquet of silk roses, and get married in the church I grew up in.”
“Being the oldest who has to 'set a good example,' I was going to do so, even if it wasn't what I wanted. If it had been up to me, I would've been wearing a fancy black ballgown with a giant skirt and lace absolutely everywhere, carried a bouquet of daisies, and gotten married in a local botanic garden.”
4.“In hindsight, I would have made sure to eat something the morning of my wedding! I was so nervous. But then I got so lightheaded with champagne that I nearly fainted walking up the aisle!”
5.“I would have waited five years. It's not because I regret marrying him; we are still together and still in love. It's also not necessarily because I was too young to be married (I was 21). It's because I am a very different person at 26. I have far different tastes and styles now, with hobbies that I would have liked to see included in my day. I also would have held it in a different location, one that suited my personality more because I like different things now that I'm older.”
“The venue we chose was lovely, but in the end, it didn't feel personal; it was just a place to be married. Our lives are also way different from when we were married. We live in a different state now, and I have met so many more people and formed so many wonderful relationships with them; I'm actually sad they weren't at my wedding.
The short answer is I wish I'd waited to know exactly who I was before getting married, but I don't regret it entirely. I still married the man I love, and that's all that matters.”
6.“I would have made sure to plan a bit of alone time for myself the day of. I didn’t even get five minutes to be by myself before my wedding, to breathe, reflect, or generally be in the moment. That morning was a blur of people and activity. I found it exhausting to have some kind of audience for the entire day, sunrise to well after sunset. A moment to happily freak out about the fact that I’m about to get married with no one watching would have been awesome.”
7.“Remembered to grab my bouquet. It was sitting on the coffee table all day. Now we just laugh about it. I spent hundreds of hours crocheting it, just for it to be left at home.”
8.“Chosen different bridesmaids. I had six. Two are still in my life, and four left in two separate shitty incidents. I hate most of my wedding photos now.”
"My bridesmaids were both friends that I'd been close with for more than a decade. I've been married for six years, and I don't speak to either of them anymore because of their shitty antics in the years that followed my wedding. It hurts like hell, and I'm still pissed off about it."
9.“Everything. I wanted a lavender dress, but I was young and was told that I had to wear white. I would have it in an old, gothic-style building with a garden outside for pictures, and invited a professional photographer and very few people.”
“Also, taco and margarita bar for the win next time, if ever.”
10.“My ex-husband loves to have fun at my expense. When we cut the cake at our wedding, I tried to playfully get icing on his nose. He ducked, avoiding me, and didn't even take a bite of the cake. Then, he grabbed a handful of cake and rubbed it into my hair. It took everything in me not to cry in front of the 150 people there. I should have never married him, and then I should have left years before I did.”
“When he did that, I put on the performance of a lifetime. I feigned a laugh and acted like it was all in good fun. I wish I had just let my tears fall and simply asked him in front of everyone, "Why would you do that?" I don't necessarily regret marrying him (we have beautiful children), but I always wish that I had stood up for myself.”
11.“Sometimes I wish it didn't have to happen during a global pandemic, but honestly it turned out so beautiful anyway that I wouldn't change a thing.”
12.“It would've been much smaller, and I would've told my dad that he wasn't planning it. Side note, I still have a good relationship with my dad, and my husband and I have been married for almost 20 years now. But at the time, I was 19 and my husband was 21, so we had no money but were in love. My dad decided that since the Father of the Bride pays, then it was his wedding, so whatever he wanted is what I got. If I could go back, I would've had a budget wedding with maybe 40 friends and family of my choosing instead of 200 people that I'll never see again. I also would have taken most of the 'traditional' elements out.”
“Different gown (no train or veil this time), and real flowers instead of fake ones. I also wouldn't have had it in a church. I'm not religious but was guilt-tripped into going to pre-cana classes at the church and having the ceremony there. Really, the wedding day doesn't matter. It's all the days after it that matter.”
13.“Hired a photographer. We eloped with siblings as witnesses because of some messy parent stuff. I really wish we would have hired someone to take a few posed pictures at the park or something.”
14.“My friend is the assistant of a wedding coordinator, and one of the biggest things she said was to definitely hire a wedding coordinator. The last thing you want is to be stressing about how the tables were set or this thing malfunctioning or that. The coordinator makes sure everything runs smoothly for the couple, and if something goes wrong, people go to her instead of the bride.”
“My biggest piece of advice for anyone actually having a traditional day: Spend the money on a day-of coordinator. There are so many things to handle, and it's overwhelming when you're trying to get ready and enjoy yourself. I had a relatively 'small' wedding with 80 people, and it was still a lot.”
15.“My best friend got married in August. Interestingly, she said that she would have eloped, and had more of a party or gathering after. She wishes that she saved money, and instead put the ceremony money toward a nicer honeymoon than the one they’re going on.”
“I kind of consider doing that sometimes.”
16.“Not going strapless. My dress got so heavy after a few hours, and I spent so much time fussing with it.”
“Going strapless isn't flattering or comfortable on most people, but the wedding industry keeps pushing strapless wedding dresses because they are easy to alter.”
17.“Leave my mother-in-law out of all of the planning. She was way too involved, had an issue with everything, and barely paid for anything. We got the tuxes for the dads, which were black, and she said, 'I’ll go with Dad when he gets his because I want him to match me.' She wore purple. We told her no a bunch of times, and she was not happy.”
“Then she needed a limo to get back and forth.”
18.“I wouldn't have drunk so much. I had loads of fun, which is good, but I wish I'd have been a bit soberer.”
19.“Don’t waste money on real flowers and greenery. They make really realistic fake flowers and greenery that are way cheaper, and it’s honestly not worth all that money being thrown away afterward.”
20.“Taken more photos for myself. All we got were overly staged photos where we felt awkward having to pose so much in unnatural ways.”
“We eloped and I made a point of not using my phone the entire day. Now I wish that I had photos of the food we ate, and just low-key shots of my husband.”
21.“My sister said that she wished someone had packed her and her husband an extra to-go box of the food served at the wedding. They barely ate dinner because they were busy talking to people. They had an adrenaline rush with not much of an appetite during the wedding, but were starving when they got to their hotel.”
22.“Had the posed cute pictures done on a different day. Scheduling all that on a day that you're supposed to celebrate is honestly a drag and felt like a job.”
“I would have just done it at the park and had the reception at my favorite restaurant.”
23.“Actually save our vows. I have zero copies of it, and neither of us remembers what we said.”
24.“I would have gotten a dress that made me feel like a goddess. Mine was pretty, but white isn't my color, and it could’ve been better.”
25.“I would have slept in my own bed with my husband the night before. I rented a small hotel room with my sister, maid of honor, and mom to 'follow the tradition.' When I was checking into the hotel the night before, I had a bad feeling that I wasn’t going to sleep well, and I really wanted to just go home and sleep in my own bed. I ended up getting three-ish hours of sleep off and on.”
“I was totally exhausted all day, and we ended up going home earlier than I wanted because I literally could not keep my eyes open. I have a hard time sleeping, especially when I am feeling anxious, have a lot on my mind, or when I’m in an unfamiliar place.
We had a small nontraditional wedding due to COVID restriction in my province, and I had it stuck in my head that I needed the tradition of not seeing each other until our first look.”
“I wish my husband and I had spent the night together beforehand. I was too anxious to sleep, and I texted him about it the morning of, and he came by the Airbnb we had rented for the girls to get ready so that he could see me at like 6 a.m. Some traditions are overrated!”
26.“It's going to sound rough, but I wouldn't have worried about inviting most of my family. We had the whole thing at our house, and it was amazing, except my mother and some other family members refused to communicate when, or even if, they were attending until the evening before. I felt sort of shamed into inviting them when I should have just been confident with the decision in my heart that I just didn't need her there that day.”
“It turned out to be more of a fiasco than it was worth. I knew my mother was likely to derail the day by giving the silent treatment and then just showing up and expecting applause.”
27.“Carried a parasol or sun umbrella. We had boatloads of fun on a beautiful sunny California day but with the champagne and being outside all day, I got a really nasty dehydration headache near sunset.”
28.“I would have gotten married at 11 a.m.! I spent so much time being nervous to walk down the aisle because of all the people. I spent literally half the day being nervous! Get married in the morning so you can spend the rest of the day partying and having fun on your wedding day!”
29.“Hired a professional photographer. The one I got was recommended by a friend and was only $100. I was too young and inexperienced to realize this was a red flag. She rushed us around the day of, left early, and then we NEVER GOT THE PICTURES. We paid in full plus a tip, waited for months, contacted her again and again, but nothing. Not even a refund.”
“To this day, I only have candid pictures taken by family and friends. I've come to terms with it, and at least the marriage is going great. We celebrated 10 years recently.”
30.“I would have gotten a massage.”
31.“I would've chosen someone different to officiate, preferably a family member or close friend. Because we got married during COVID, we didn't have much knowledge of the officiants that we spoke to. We couldn't meet in person and get a proper sense of what they were like, and vice versa.”
32.“Gotten a different catering service. Everyone got food poisoning, and I was really pissed because it ruined the wedding night. I got married on Halloween, and we were all going to get together again and go to the bars at night, but that got ruined too because literally everyone was shitting out their soul.”
33.“Breathed. Slowed down. Spent more time with each person. Stopped worrying about all the things I couldn’t control.”
34.“I should’ve asked guests to take home the flowers and centerpieces because they were so beautiful and filled our tiny apartment before we abandoned them to die while on our honeymoon.”
35.“Less staged family photos and more candids. But I’m an introvert and would’ve happily eloped. My husband loved the big party, and I’d do it all again just the same to see him that happy.”
36.“Set firm boundaries. My husband and I decided that we would invite our immediate family via Zoom to witness the ceremony. My father-in-law took it upon himself to send the Zoom link to other relatives, which included distant relatives and people I’ve never met.”
“I’m very shy, so the thought of people watching me get married makes me feel uncomfortable. I had no idea that he invited other people until after the ceremony.”
37.“Planned it. I was about to lose health insurance and didn‘t think the new one was going to kick in for three months, so we got married in a hurry. The man was right, but nothing else was.”
“We went to City Hall, just had his parents there, and afterward, we were told we had a few minutes to take pictures. We took less than five minutes before a clerk came and said we needed to leave. Afterward, we drove around looking for a bakery to buy any cake, and there were none open. Mostly, I just wish it had been anything special.”
38.“I should’ve steamed my antique veil before wearing it. I was so afraid of wrecking my grandmother’s veil that I didn’t take it out of its box until right before I walked down the aisle.”
39.“If you want to make sure to say hello to everyone, do a line at the reception if anything, but don’t take your time to walk around to each person or table. You’ll spend all of your time doing that and won’t have time to do your own things.”
And finally:
40.“Married someone else.”
Would you change anything about your wedding if you had the chance? Let me know in the comments!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
