These women were told having a baby would ruin their career. Here's what happened next.
Moms share the challenges of juggling motherhood and work.
When Alyssa Reynoso-Morris was considering starting a family, several co-workers told her that having a baby would ruin her career as a program and events coordinator at an educational nonprofit.
“They weren't trying to be malicious,” she says, noting that many of the people who told her she would have to choose between her family or her career were speaking from experience. They “were women who either didn't have children because they believed it, or they had children and took time off of work and had challenges re-entering the workforce,” she explains.
After Reynoso-Morris had her daughter she quickly realized that she was being taken advantage of at her job, which often required her to work more than 40 hours a week. She started looking for a new position. As a new mother, Reynoso-Morris realized she hadn’t valued her time and skills appropriately and intentionally looked for a job with more flexibility. “I was able to leave a position that lacked both work-life balance and upward mobility for a much better opportunity," she says.
She now advises other women who are told that having a baby will ruin their career to look for a more supportive environment. “Having my daughter upgraded my career. Yes, it's harder to balance everything and I'm more tired, but I'm happier and more fulfilled,” she tells Yahoo Life.
Reynoso-Morris is not alone in being told that having a baby would ruin her career. Mallory Files was about to quit a full-time job and launch her own business, Ozark Charcuterie, when a former boss told her she wouldn’t be able to have a baby and run a company. “This person was a mentor in my life so hearing this from them was a really difficult thing,” says Files, who briefly put her plans on hold in response, but ultimately moved forward.
Files says that having a baby has impacted her career in ways she didn’t anticipate. She was very sick for most of her pregnancy and could not afford child care until her daughter was 9 months old. “The speed at which I have gotten to where I am with my business is not what I had originally planned, but as a mom you learn the art of multitasking, asking for help and the powerful word of 'no,'” she says. Files adds that mothers “are expected to mother like we don't work and work like we aren't mothers. It is so exhausting.” Yet, she says that mothering is one of the most rewarding things she has ever done. "'Mom-ing' doesn't mean that we have to lose ourselves and give everything else up,” she says. She encourages other women to push back when someone tells them that can’t be successful at being a mother and holding down a career.
Jennifer Hernandez was “shocked and hurt” when another professional woman told her that there was no way she could manage her job as a media supervisor and be a good mother to her three children. After this woman, who had been a client, told Hernandez that her career “was pretty much over,” Hernandez says she “was worried that she was right.”
Instead of giving up, Hernandez found a new workplace, THE 3RD EYE. There, the majority of the workforce is made up of working mothers, and Hernandez feels supported. She says that the company’s policies make it possible for her to be successful at her job and as a mother. For example, Hernandez says that the company’s “Off the Grid” time allows her to pick her children up from school. The company also offers generous parental leave, free subscriptions to wellness apps and hybrid work options that allow employees to work from home several days a week. Hernandez adds that the “mommy mafia” she and other moms formed at work has been an excellent resource for working mothers to “come together, share advice and empower working parents to help one another.” According to Hernandez, having the right “support team and work environment” has been the key to her success as a professional and a mother. “Having a baby changes your work style and habits but it didn't limit my career," she says. "As much as I value my children, working is important to me, and I've taught my kids and family that a good career can be attained in the right environment."
As an attorney working in “Big Law,” Kelly Culhane says that no one had to tell her that becoming a mother would impact her career. “It was a foregone conclusion,” she says. Even taking a Sunday off was frowned upon. “I never recall seeing a male or female partner leave saying they were going to pick up a child from school or daycare,” she says. When Culhane had children she thought she had no choice but to leave her job. “It was soul-crushing as I had worked so hard,” she says. The impact on her career led Culhane to found her own law firm, Culhane Meadows, now the country's largest woman-owned national law firm. “It was never my ambition to found a firm, but I wanted to give experienced women attorneys a way to continue practicing sophisticated law while being able to make their own work-life balance,” she says. Culhane now tells other women that they should “figure out where your priorities are and then find strategies so that you can achieve your biggest goals. There are a lot of different ways to achieve career goals. Maybe having a nanny is right for your family, or having your partner or spouse stay home makes sense.”
Shauna Figueroa, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist and the manager of Behavioral Health Operations for Kaiser Permanente in Washington, D.C., says that if a woman is on the receiving end of one of these comments, she should “know that anger, sadness or anxiety are all completely normal responses." She adds, "Give yourself grace and remember that while there will be challenges ahead. Many women are able to enjoy a full career and family life with the support of friends, family and other people in their lives.”
Women will likely continue to be told, explicitly or implicitly, that having a baby will ruin their careers. Reynoso-Morris notes that for some women, that may be true. “I think our society is to blame," she says. "We don't have paid parental leave like other countries. We don't care about mothers or parents the way other countries do because we don't offer affordable child care. I think women feel this way because we don't have the infrastructures in place to support them as they become mothers."
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