Wondering If You're Falling In Love? Therapists Break Down 7 Things You Might Experience

Emily Laurence

February 8, 2023 at 8:30 AM·5 min read

Here's how experts say you can expect to feel when you're falling in love.

Meeting someone who you actually like, who gives you butterflies when they text you, and who every love song you hear seems to be about is exciting. Especially if you’ve swiped left on endless duds, it can feel like a miracle to meet someone you can picture a future with—and a double miracle when they show signs of liking you back.

But what does love feel like? And how can you know if you're actually in love? After all, it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of a budding relationship and the hope of what it could turn out to be. Here, therapists break down what falling in love feels like—and how long it takes for it to happen.

7 Ways To Know You're Falling In Love

1. Infatuation

While infatuation and love are different, therapist Sage Grazer, LCSW, says that it is often part of falling in love—typically in the early stages and it can be hard to separate the two. “The main difference is that with love, you have the passion and desire that comes with infatuation but you also have intimacy, trust and mutual vulnerability,” she explains. Where does love at first sight fall? Grazer places it firmly in the infatuation camp.

Therapist Sarah Levine-Miles, LCSW, warns that infatuation can fade over time. “Infatuation is based on desire, and as people get to know more about each other and there is less mystery, infatuation fades,” she explains. By the way, she emphasizes that infatuation is not a bad thing. “Infatuation is fun!” she says. “However, infatuation is not long-lasting in a committed relationship.”

2. You want to learn everything about them—and want them to know about you too

Grazer says that another differentiator between infatuation and love lies in the getting-to-know-you phase. “Infatuation can feel like an obsession or preoccupation with the person; wanting to know everything about them. A key differentiator from love in this regard is that the urge to learn everything about the other person is not a mutual eagerness to reveal everything about yourself,” she shares.

If you spend your dates asking questions about the other person while resisting sharing deeper parts of yourself, that’s a sign of infatuation, not love. Love, the therapists say, requires vulnerability from both.

3. You can be yourself

In those first few early dates, often both people are on their best behavior, portraying themselves in the best light or saying things they think the other person may want to hear. But Grazer says that part of falling in love is feeling comfortable being your true self around the other person. “If you’re worried about how the other person perceives you and feel you need to filter parts of yourself, you’re likely in an infatuation,” Grazer says. That said, she does add that just because you feel insecure about something in your relationship does not mean that you’re not in love.

4. You feel comfortable turning to them in a crisis

Life isn’t kittens and rainbows all the time. If you have a bad day or experience a crisis and your urge is to weather the storm with your partner, both therapists say that it’s a sign of love. “One way to assess your feelings in the relationship is to consider: ‘Would I call on this person if I was in a difficult, unflattering situation?’” Grazer explains.

5. You’re not worried that one disagreement will tear apart your relationship

Sometimes a crisis can happen in the relationship; it’s normal to have disagreements with a partner or be angry with them sometimes. Levine-Miles says that a hallmark of love is that you aren’t worried that the relationship is completely over when this occurs. “Generally, being in love involves feeling safe and supported by another person,” she explains. “Loving relationships are able to withstand hard days due to a foundation of patience and care. Infatuation brings continuous excitement, but these relationships will struggle to get through difficulty.”

6. You like spending time together even if it’s not “exciting”

Do you like being around your partner even if you’re just running errands or sitting on the couch reading? If so, it could be love. “After spending a lot of time together, you may feel more of a companionship bond while you’re cohabiting or eating breakfast,” Grazer shares. In this way, part of being in love is enjoying being around the other person—no matter what you’re doing.

7. You appreciate the whole person—flaws and all

“One sign of being in love is recognizing the wholeness of the person, acknowledging their flaws, and still feeling strong romantic feelings of love towards them,” Grazer explains. “This is in contrast to infatuation where you may only see the best side of someone, ignoring the existence of their faults altogether.” Love is about taking off the blinders and seeing your partner as human and loving them just the same.

How Long Does It Take To Fall in Love?

Knowing how long it takes to fall in love is a big question many have. Does it take years? Months? Can it happen after one date? Levine-Miles says that there’s no specific timeline; a couple doesn’t spend an exact amount of time together and then they’ve suddenly crossed over from infatuation to love. But she does say that falling in love takes enough time to establish honesty, vulnerability and trust. “It's very possible to meet someone and know you have the potential to fall in love with them if you share values and admire who they are, but falling in love itself takes more than a date,” she says.

If you really aren’t sure, run through the above list again. You just might have your answer.

Next up, check out these 125 romantic quotes to send to your special someone.

Sources

Sarah Levine-Miles, LCSW, psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker
Sage Grazer, LCSW, psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker

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