If You Grew Up In A Mixed-Race Family, Tell Us Some Norms Or Common Experiences You've Grown Up With
As a mixed-race kid, I've noticed that people are curious about our families and what it's like growing up, from the generic questions to parenting choices to specific experiences.
You might notice this interest especially around celebrities in interracial relationships — like when Ashley Graham, who shares three kids with her husband, Justin Ervin, talked about being white in an interracial relationship and having conversations about race with their children; or when Kim Kardashian learnied how to braid North's hair; or when Shay Mitchell talked about teaching her kids to accept themselves without judgment through children's books on activism.
So, I'm asking anyone from a mixed race family: What would you like people to know? It could be something informative, a common experience you have, a frustration, etc.
For instance, I'm Greek and Korean. Here are a few things I find myself often explaining to people:
How'd my parents meet? At a park, they lived about 20 minutes away from each other, it was the '80s in New Jersey. I think people expect them to be Greek and Korean citizens who met in some chance run-in, but, they both came to the US as kids.
Sometimes, I say "mail-order bride" just to gauge what they were expecting.
Do I speak three languages? No. Sure, English is neither of my parents' first language. But again, they came to the US as kids, went to school here, and both speak perfect English. However, my dad does not speak Korean, and my mom doesn't speak Greek, so we all speak English at home. I know some mixed kids grow up bilingual (and I'm jealous!), but I don't get the trilingual expectation.
Now, my grandparents, while they understand English, tend to speak their respective languages, so I was around both growing up, and I can understand a chunk of both.
Is that my dad? The stories I could tell. As a kid, he'd take me with him sometimes to pick up Chinese takeout, and they'd always ask him where he got the baby from. Sometimes, he'd tell them he kidnapped me. What a jokester.
Now, as an adult, I think people think I'm a gold digger or something. I actually think that's a common experience for adult daughters with their fathers, but because I really don't look like him at first glance, it's just makes people feel validated when giving me looks.
On the other hand, I know a lot of mothers of mixed kids often get mistaken for the nanny, so...you can't win.
Beyond those, here are some things I think are more some common, conscious choices that mixed families often have to make, based on what I've seen with my own parents and other mixed-race friends and their families:
Religion: My mom's not religious, but my dad was raised Greek Orthodox. So, it wasn't really a complicated choice to baptize me and my sister. However, I know some families celebrate religious holidays from all religions in the household, like Eid, Hanukkah and Easter. Was that an active decision your family had to come to?
Hair Care/Style: Did you have to learn how to care for you child's hair if it was a different texture than your own? I've seen this most with white parents who learn how to braid their mixed Black children's hair, and it's absolutely adorable to see their faces when it's done.
On the flip side, I know some mixed Black and Brown kids were forced to always straighten or relax their hair to keep it "manageable."
Acceptance/Cutting Off Racist Relatives: Fortunately, while my grandparents did have to accept that my parents were getting married, they've always loved and been there for me and my sister. On the other hand, I once attended a conference for mixed students, and (will never forget when) one girl came forward to tearfully share that both sides of her family rejected her and how alone she felt growing up.
Who'd have guessed that they fought in wars in Europe and Asia, immigrated to the US, and that their first grandchild would be a mixed-race American with a Latin first name?
Racist Parent: I don't think people realize that you can be racist and have children with a person of color. Personally, I've seen this with people who have Asian fetishes becoming parents of mixed Asian children.
From what I've been told, mixed kids in these situations sometimes find themselves struggling with internalized racism as a direct result.