8 signs your significant other is having an affair

There is no foolproof way of detecting if your significant other is having an affair. If there were, there wouldn't be so many people blindsided by the betrayal.

Often, people have one of two experiences: Either they suspect their partner is cheating, and after some snooping they stumble upon hotel receipts, random lingerie or texts that confirm their suspicion; or they assume their relationship is stable – or even happy – and suddenly find out their partner was unfaithful.

On TikTok, I saw a trend where individuals were sharing all the nice things their partners did for them while cheating: drive eight hours every weekend to see them, make them breakfast in bed every Sunday and even propose, to name a few. They had no idea that their partner was being unfaithful!

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If you are worried that this is happening to you, here are some common signs of infidelity:

Signs your partner may be cheating

They are suddenly unreachable. If cheating, your partner may suddenly and inexplicably be unavailable for random periods of time. We need to remember that some people's work or social engagements require time away from their phones. But in this day and age, if someone is unavailable for long periods of time suddenly and without explanation, that may be a sign.

They alter their schedules or attend 'events' last minute. This could be a sign that they are making excuses to spend time with someone else. If they suddenly have more business trips and discourage you from tagging along (when in the past they begged you to), this could be a sign that they are hiding an affair. Don't worry about this if changing shifts and dealing with emergencies is part of their job (e.g. doctors, paramedics, police officers). Make sure to take context into account.

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They are protective of their phones. If they suddenly change the amount of time they spend on the phone, always seem to be texting someone, never leave their phone unattended, or get uncomfortable when you ask to do something on their phone – they could be hiding something. If they seem secretive about their texts, emails, or direct messages, this could signify infidelity. (It could also be a hint they are planning a surprise for you. Is your birthday coming up? Again, context is key.)

They start to care a lot more about their appearance. If your partner is suddenly buying new clothing, getting more haircuts and hitting the gym daily – this could be a sign of trying to impress someone else.

They no longer bring up problems or start conflicts. At first glance, this may seem positive, but since every couple has issues, not experiencing any tension or disagreement could mean that the partner has stopped putting effort into the relationship. They might be cruising on the status quo or investing their time and energy into something else.

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They suddenly seem hesitant to make further commitments. Maybe they are being dodgy about saying yes to a wedding RSVP happening in a few months or they don't want to commit to getting a property together. If this seems out of character, it could mean they are avoiding digging the metaphorical commitment hole any deeper. This could happen for a number of reasons, infidelity could be one of them.

Their style of communication becomes vague. They may stop giving you details about their days and with whom they spend their time. Their explanations may become more far-fetched or inconsistent. Change in communication can be due to secrecy, but also stress or an overall disconnect in the relationship.

They might accuse you of cheating. Ironically, people who cheat are sometimes more likely to believe their partner would do the same to them. In addition, it’s a practical tactic to put their partner on the defensive and avert the attention from themselves.

How do you know if your partner is cheating?

Each of the signs mentioned above could be a signal your partner is cheating, but individually they all have other explanations as well. Keep in mind, you should be more concerned if your partner is exhibiting many or all of the above signs than if they are doing just one of these things.

And remember, the only way to know for sure is to address the feelings you're having with your partner. Eventually, the truth always comes out.

Sara Kuburic is a therapist who specializes in identity, relationships and moral trauma. Every week she shares her advice with our readers. Find her on Instagram @millennial.therapist. She can be reached at [email protected].

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Relationship advice: Is your partner cheating on your? 8 signs to know