Armie Hammer is accused of 'love bombing.' The emotional manipulation tactic, explained

Courtney Vucekovich, a Dallas-based app developer, never expected to be the next love interest of critically-acclaimed actor Armie Hammer. When Vucekovich says he reached out to her via Instagram in June 2020, they instantly bonded.

It seemed too good to be true, for a celebrity as charming and famous as Hammer to be so kind and infatuated with someone he met online. "How could you be this beautiful?" he allegedly DM'd her at the start of their online relationship. These comments about her beauty, intelligence and fast-paced romance were reflective of their flirty interactions, according to Vucekovich.

But, to her dismay, this fa?ade of an "intense" connection soon collapsed, unveiling a seemingly more sinister agenda. In discovery+'s new docuseries, "House of Hammer" (streaming now), Vucekovich, along with Hammer's other alleged victims, accuse Hollywood's "golden boy" of abusing his power. Hammer, who is also accused of rape by a different woman, had a pattern of pushing his partners' boundaries with sexual requests that made them uncomfortable without explicit consent, according to the new documentary.

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"I kept going back to him," she says in the first episode of "House of Hammer," adding that this confusion appeared "exciting" at the time. (USA TODAY reached out to Hammer's rep for comment about the new docuseries, though he has previously decried the "vicious and spurious online attacks.")

The cycling of love with abuse isn't only strategic: It's an emotional manipulation tactic known as "love bombing," which clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula previously described to USA TODAY as "too much too fast." Though these grandiose gestures may seem romantic and well-intentioned, love bombing, she warns, is almost always followed by devaluation and criticism.

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What is 'love bombing'?

Common examples of love bombing, according to Durvasula, include whisking someone off on a romantic weekend getaway for an early date, or showering someone with lavish, excessive gifts.

"It feels almost like a fairy tale, but like an anxiety-inducing fairy tale," is how Durvasula described it in August 2021. During the love bombing phase, they may also want to open up about very intense, personal topics. In "House of Hammer," Vucekovich alleges that the two bonded over their childhood trauma in the early stages of their romance. At the time, it felt "intimate," she says. But don't be fooled: This type of vulnerability isn't always healthy intimacy. It can be manipulation.

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"I can promise you that deepest, darkest fear you shared with them on your third date, it's going to come back and bite you in six months," Durvasula said. "It's really them gathering intel."

Later on, Vucekovich says she connected with another one of Hammer's ex-girlfriends, Paige Lorenze, who claimed they both experienced the "destructive cycle" of Hammer's love-bombing: the same road trip at the same motel, watching the same movies and listening to the same music in the bedroom. They even shared the same nickname of being Hammer's "perfect little thing."

The true difference between an exciting start to a blossoming romance and love bombing is what happens as the relationship progresses: If this is "love at first sight" (which experts say is rare), you'll be accepted when you get more comfortable — which may expose the annoying and unattractive parts of yourself. This authenticity, registered psychotherapist Denise Dunne says, is what makes for a healthy dynamic.

This isn't the case when you're being love bombed. Instead, "they may just totally lose their interest and disappear, leaving you completely confused. Or in some instances, they may drip-feed little romantic gestures along with opposite gestures – like criticism," Dunne says. Ultimately, it's from a deeper motivation to "hook you into something … and create a manipulative relationship that benefits their own psychological needs."

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Love bombing is emotional abuse under the guise of romance

Overcompensating with gifts or flowers may not seem like abuse and sounds relatively harmless. But that's the point: It's supposed to seem "romantic" and innocent.

Often, the goal of love bombing is to "make the other person vulnerable," Dunne says. The illusion of a healthy, reciprocal relationship makes it easier to conceal more malicious intentions of gaslighting, abuse and emotional manipulation.

"There's a sadistic element to it," Dunne says. "The victim believes they're truly loved by someone, and then they're dropped or treated quite cruelly. That leaves them with a lot of questions – and a lot of pain."

They may internalize the fallout, believing it's their own fault, and even feel pressured to engage in sexual activities outside of their comfort zone in order to make amends or regain the affection.

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What to do if you're being love bombed.

If your early fling seems too good to be true, chances are it is. Dunne says it's natural to get excited and infatuated with your partner at first. But it's also important to listen to your gut: When your self-esteem is starting to suffer or if you find yourself confused by or uncomfortable with your partner's extreme displays of affection, it's best to walk away – no matter how attractive or endearing they appear to be. Yes, even if they're a Hollywood celebrity.

"They may be someone who seems immensely charming, but they often enjoy that position of power over you … what they want from you, above all else, is attention," Dunne warns.

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Contributing: Charles Trepany

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Armie Hammer: 'House of Hammer' explores love bombing. What is it?