Dear Graham Norton: 'My summer romance with a fellow exchange student has gone cold'
Dear Graham
I am 17. Over the past year I developed a close friendship with my opposite number on the exchange programme that my school runs as part of the Spanish A-level syllabus. Over the summer, I visited him in Spain and our relationship became sexual.
Since my return, I have been a little confused by his behaviour. His text messages have become a lot less frequent, and when they do come they're cold, brief and impersonal.
While I feel that he has been rude to me, and though neither of us made any promises in the summer, I do like this guy and I felt we were good together. (It's really improved my Spanish, at least!)
I guess for him, maybe, it was just a consequence-free holiday romance. His community is quite traditional, too. But one of the things I liked about him was the feeling we could really talk to each other, and I'd like at least to know where I stand.
How do you think I should handle this situation?
Anon, via email
Dear Anon
Using your much-increased vocabulary, send your friend an email. Keep it light, but ask him everything you want to know. Explain that you enjoyed your summer, and wondered if it might be repeated or if you are now back to just being friends. Assure him that you don't mind either way but you would like to know. You might want to say how much you value your friendship and you don't want your sexual liaison to change that.
You learnt a second language and had some sex, which sounds like a pretty good holiday
Whether he ignores your email or fails to answer your questions, you'll still have an answer of a sort. It is very difficult to accurately gauge how someone is feeling from a text message: if this guy comes across as cold, perhaps he is simply trying to protect himself. Try to appreciate this experience for what it was, and don't build it into something it wasn't. In purely practical terms, the chances of someone who is still in school maintaining a relationship with someone who lives abroad seem fairly slim. I think we both know that what you experienced was probably just a summer romance - so enjoy the memory, and don't ruin it by getting upset over his perceived rudeness.
You learnt a second language and had some sex, which sounds like a pretty good holiday, so dust yourself off and look to the future. Ma?ana is another day!
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