'Ginny & Georgia': Can you forgive a parent for their horrific past?
Spoiler alert! The following post discusses important plot points in "Ginny & Georgia" Season 2, so beware if you haven’t seen it yet.
What would you do if your loved one would kill for you? Literally.
"Ginny & Georgia" tackles this moral dilemma for 16-year-old Ginny Miller, the daughter of former teen mom Georgia. Together, they navigate their complicated relationship, finally settling down in their lavish Massachusetts home. That is, until Ginny finds out that her protective mother has a murderous past: Georgia killed her two ex-husbands, was in a biker gang and even changed her identity to protect her family.
Throughout the show, Ginny blames herself for her mother's double life, and without anyone to turn to, she struggles with self-harm.
While most people don't deal with homicidal mothers, experts say, it is common to feel an overwhelming sense of betrayal and trauma when someone we feel safe around, is in fact, not.
"Many of us believed our parents were infallible or even super human at some point and the first sign of them doing something wrong or inappropriate or worse can be extremely confronting," says Jessica MacNair, a licensed professional counselor.
After an act of betrayal, forgiveness is possible. But it depends on a variety of factors.
'Betrayal trauma': When our loved ones aren't who they appear to be
Children often hold an innocently idealized image of their parents and consider them role models. But when this illusion of perfection shatters, it can lead to confusion, betrayal and even trauma.
"When we grow up in chaos, our nervous system tends to seek out adaptive coping mechanisms that provide activation and familiarity," says Jaclyn Bsales, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in trauma.
The only stable aspect of Ginny's life was her mother as they moved to various towns and struggled with financial problems.
After her mother's past is revealed, her mental health crumbles. She begins to suffer panic attacks and uncharacteristically skips school.
"My whole family is broken," Ginny says. "I'm broken."
'Good people can do bad things.' When is forgiveness possible?
Finding out someone we love isn't who we thought they were can be traumatic. But does it mean you have to cut them out of your life?
"When the person who is supposed to keep us safe begins to elicit a sense of danger, it is OK and very much necessary to create physical and emotional space," Bsales says. That's why setting boundaries can "teach others how to treat us and teach us how to protect and respect ourselves."
But MacNair says restoring trust is also possible, "as long as the parents are willing to put in the work, apologize and repair the relationship." Therapies such as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) can help people process their trauma – emotionally and physically. In addition to professional work, it can be helpful to remember, depending on the circumstances, that human beings are more than just their actions.
"Sometimes, it's important to look at why they did it, rather than just what they did before ending the relationship entirely," Bsales says.
"Good people can do bad things," Bsales says. "Trauma is never someone’s fault, but healing is their responsibility."
Understanding the complexity of trauma
Trauma and PTSD: What exactly is it?
Her parents were secret swingers: The trauma of living a double life
'You're so mature for your age': It isn't always a compliment. Sometimes, it's from trauma
Trauma dumping: When venting to your friends becomes toxic
If you or someone you know may be struggling with self-harm or suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online.
Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Ginny & Georgia: When your loved one has an unforgivable past