Incivility is rampant. In casting blame, we hold a mirror to ourselves. | Opinion

See if you can spot the common thread in each of these examples from recent headlines:

• Someone callously films the aftermath of a violent accident, exploiting the victims' last moments on Facebook Live.

• At a school board meeting, a pastor is shamefully heckled for supporting a church member who would later resign.

• A white woman called the police on a Black woman in San Diego for feeding the homeless.

• A prominent BBC presenter implied that President Joe Biden should have Donald Trump assassinated.

Considering the examples above, each is enough to make you scream and wonder how we got to this place. However, taking them collectively becomes an even harder pill to swallow because they stem from our lack of civility.

For the next week or so, the eyes of the world will be on Milwaukee for the Republican National Convention. I'm sure there may be examples of incivility on a grand scale, and the temptation might be to point the finger at one person or political party as the root cause, but in doing so we might find we're holding a mirror to our own selves.

Incivility often begins with this phrase, 'It's my right to ...'

Every day, civility seems to have taken a back seat for one person's assertive dominance over another person or group. It's the, "It's my right to do, say, (fill in the blank)" that has permeated the fabric of society.

When one person is rude, others tend to follow, creating a society that doesn't care about others' well-being. I’m tired of it, and I know I’m not alone. According to a recent study, 85% of U.S. residents believe civility is worse today than a decade ago. According to the American Bar Association Survey of Civic Literacy, most believe social media and the media are to blame.

Maintaining civility is essential for a safer, united and functional society. Milwaukee's Rev. Joseph Ellwanger, one of the few white pastors who actively participated in the Civil Rights movement in 1960s Alabama, emphasizes that intentional instruction and emphasis are necessary for perpetuating civility.

Ellwanger, who is part of Milwaukee Inner-City Congregations Allied for Hope (MICAH), said civility rests on acknowledging the worth and dignity of every human being. Being respectful to others is based on the idea that when someone starts seeing themselves as superior, their level of respect for others may decrease.

Can civility be regained?

As a pastor who believes in forgiveness, Ellwanger said even the most uncivil individuals can transform if they want to. He draws parallels to Paul's transformation in the Bible from an enemy of Jesus Christ to an apostle and recounted how Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. perceived the potential for change even among the Ku Klux Klan during the 1960s. Although King alienated some of his followers, his actions illustrated the depth of the civil rights icon's humanity, even toward those who wanted him dead.

Did King’s compassion convince KKK members to stop hating Blacks in the Jim Crow South? Maybe he convinced a few here and there. Is that progress? I can’t say for sure, but it’s a step in the right direction.

MPS is case study of incivility at a time of fear and wrongdoing

Last month, I found myself amidst a charged atmosphere at a school board meeting to deliberate on the future of former Milwaukee Public Schools Superintendent Keith Posley. The room was packed with passionate parents, dedicated teachers, community leaders and concerned taxpayers. Emotions ran high. As Posley and board members sat facing the public, they were subjected to a barrage of intense and, at times, insulting comments.

People had a right to be upset.

The district failed to submit financial reports to the state on time, which will cost MPS millions. Some parents threatened to fight other parents. One person referred to Posley as a big, bow tie-wearing (expletive) and several curse words were tossed around.

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As the noise escalated, two young children seated in front of me — a boy and a girl, no older than 6 — covered their ears with their little hands.

I wondered to myself how all this yelling would impact them.

I thought to myself, "We need a civility movement."

As a kid, I learned civility at church and in the Cub Scouts

I was lucky, growing up, to have engaged in programs dedicated to instilling civility, including membership at Shiloh Baptist Church and participation in the Cub Scouts, team sports and citywide enrichment programs.

According to longtime Milwaukee attorney Roy Evans, the waning presence of such programs has contributed to a shortage of civility and moral guidance among young people, resulting in a significant void in our societal fabric.

One of the critical lessons we have failed to teach our children is to avoid speaking to strangers. Evans said once a conversation begins, the person is no longer a stranger. Instead, he suggests that we should teach children to feel comfortable talking to strangers, but also educate them about not accepting gifts or going home with them.

While parents play a pivotal role in teaching morals and civility, enrichment programs also significantly reinforce these values and provide opportunities to practice respect, thoughtfulness and assertiveness. Another community leader noted how even simple gestures are seemingly forgotten.

"People don’t know what it means to be civil anymore. We see it every day. People don’t say ‘thank you’ or even hold the door open for you when they see you coming. I mean, how difficult is it for a person to do that?” said Earl Ingram Jr., a community activist and radio talk show host.

Ingram said many factors contribute to the decline in civility; blaming the media and political leaders like former President Donald Trump is just one perspective.

Pastor Robert Randolph of Kingdom Faith Fellowship Church said that since civility is rooted in morality, one of the best ways to improve civility is to get back to the church's foundation.

Randolph also believes in meeting people where they are. He mentioned that his church has been focused on doing more outreach by going into people's spaces, checking in on them, and showing them love and support.

If church members must ask for an invite to be in a space, then it’s probably already too late.

Civility is like turning on the light in the darkness, Randolph said.

You should still vote. Even if Trump and Biden are like 'Grumpy Old Men' characters.

Darkness must flee from the light, just as hate must flee from love. This is crucial in communities lacking civility.

I agree with that, and we we can all do a little bit more to create a more civil society. It doesn't cost much to be decent to people. It sure would help if Trump and speakers at the convention act civil, but each of us has a part to play.

What happened to "thank you," "excuse me," and "I'm sorry?" Well the harsh truth is that it has been replaced with "I don't care," "look at me," and "did my video go viral?" Some of us are so consumed with "likes" that we even video ourselves doing uncivil things.

It's the reason why youth video themselves in a high speed chase. It's the reason why we take our phones out to film someone's pain instead of calling for help or rendering aid. It's the reason why we rather to talk to someone online than talk to them in person.

If we don’t speak to each other, we fail to recognize each other’s fundamental humanity and, therefore, become vulnerable to each other’s inhumanity.

Being civil doesn’t mean you can’t disagree or that you can’t fight back when wronged; it just means I see you as my equal.

Civility will start with us and end with us. So next time you see me running for the elevator, hold the door for me. I'll do the same with a smile.

Reach James E. Causey at [email protected]; follow him on X @jecausey.

This article originally appeared on Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: Most Americans say civility is on the decline. We have to reverse it.