Is incredible, passionate sex still possible after an affair?
It's undoubtedly challenging to deal with the emotional wounds caused by an affair. Guilt, anger, resentment and betrayal are just some of the feelings that can create a rift between you and your partner. How you see each other has likely changed; it's natural to feel like strangers, making the idea of being intimate again seem foreign.
And if you've chosen to work through a relationship after an affair, the question on your mind may be whether you can ever experience mind-blowing sex, especially if it was never there in the first place. Well, the answer is a resounding yes. Staying together after infidelity can actually open the door to a whole new level of intimacy.
The road to forgiveness isn't easy, but it's often worth it
The person who had the affair must acknowledge the impact of their actions on breaking trust and work on rebuilding it. At the same time, the other partner needs to lean into their decision to stay in the relationship and remain open to forgiveness and connection.
Blaming the partner who had the affair may seem justified, but it only drives you further apart. Couples who have vulnerable conversations about the unmet needs and desires that led to the breakdown of communication are able to move forward more effectively. While these conversations may have been challenging before, creating a safe andloving space where both of you can freely express yourselves fosters a new level of trust.
It's a constant give-and-take, and through this process, a new dynamic is formed. And, believe it or not, trust can be a major turn-on.
When trust is rebuilt, you begin to see your partner in a new light. You discover new sides of each other, which can fuel an even stronger sexual attraction. This newfound trust creates an exciting and passionate dynamic in the bedroom.
Steps to reignite the flame after an affair
Building intimacy takes time and effort. Here are some steps to get you started on the right path:
Embrace your strengths: Remember the reasons why you chose to stay together. Focus on those strengths and create shared experiences that involve not just talking but also moving your bodies together and having fun.
Slowly reintroduce physical touch: Start with non-sexual physical touch, such as holding hands or hugging. Communicate your needs, desires, and boundaries at each step. Gradually progress to more intimate gestures as both of you feel comfortable.
Set bedroom boundaries: Keep the affair partner out of the bedroom. It's natural for thoughts of the other person to arise, especially if the affair was long-lasting. Avoid making comparisons and instead focus on what you both want to explore together as you rebuild your relationship.
Establish a sexual check-in: Have open and honest discussions about what is and isn't working in your physical and emotional intimacy. Talk outside the bedroom about your sexual concerns and negotiate how you can address them.
Explore and experiment: As trust and intimacy grow, consider exploring new experiences together outside the bedroom. This can breathe new life into your physical connection and deepen your bond.
Seek professional help: If you find yourselves struggling or feeling stuck, a professional therapist or counselor specializing in relationships can provide valuable support and tools.
Affairs change relationships, and if you've chosen to stay in a relationship after an affair, your sex life doesn't need to suffer. The journey to amazing sex starts with a commitment to your relationship and a willingness to explore the depths of your connection.
Dr. Catalina Lawsin, PhD is a licensed psychologist who has been supporting sex and relationships for the past 23 years as a professor, researcher and clinician. Dr. Catalina offers support in her private practice, group programs and public talks. You can connect with Dr. Catalina @TheIntimacyDoc on TikTok, IG or TheIntimacyDoc.com
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Sex after an affair, cheating: Great sex is still possible. Here's how