How to know if you're bored or just comfortable in your relationship

You've been happily married for years, yet you find yourself missing that spark, and what once started with a flurry of passion and novelty is now a predictable routine.

After days and years of repetition and redundancy, you find yourself wondering: Am I bored in my relationship?

You're not alone. Relationships can become lackluster, and boredom can set in, even with the healthiest of relationships "simply because you are used to the rush of the early stages of the honeymoon phase," says Sami Wunder, a dating expert who specializes in helping women find love,

"As we move along in our relationships, you start to feel like something is missing. You might think, 'This isn't normal. Why don't I feel intensely attracted anymore?'"

Wunder says this happens because "your routine as a couple is setting in, and people often associate love with the highs, not with the chores or daily routines."

However, it's important to note there's a difference between being bored of your significant other and being comfortable in a stable relationship. If you're not sure which scenario one applies to you, there are some signs to help you distinguish the two.

'I’ve invested too much time': Reasons we stay in relationships longer than we should

How to tell if you're bored or just comfortable in your romance

It's perfectly normal to crave excitement and change, even in the healthiest relationships. But a true indicator of boredom is a "stagnation in the relationship in which you're craving an authentic connection," according to Wunder.

"If you feel like you're not on the same page anymore — that you're living different lives and in need of more genuine conversations — then that's a sign that this boredom is setting in and should be addressed," she says.

If you're simply comfortable, "you're happy, supportive of each other and mostly good, yet you want to mix it up and have a change in routine."

"That's not boredom— that's craving some unpredictability and passion and surprise in an otherwise healthy relationship," Wunder says.

Opinion: COVID made marriage both better and worse

Boredom often represents a larger issue in your relationship

It's never a dull routine that leads to boredom.

"Couples can wake up, have the same breakfast, share coffee for years on end and never be bored. Why? Because they have this wonderful person they’re always curious about," says William Ryan, a couples counselor and clinical psychologist who recently celebrated 30 years of marriage.

"Often times what we call boredom is actually a defense for suppressed feelings like anger or disappointment. So if you're bored, it's inside of you and you can't always blame the environment or others."

Alexa Elkington, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says it's important to express your frustrations with good communication skills.

"The whole concept of being in a stagnant relationship is couples coming in and being an avoidant couple, meaning they lack the skills to be able to have interesting yet difficult conversations about the state of your relationship," says Elkington.

"It's important to feel understood in our relationships. If you're feeling bored, express these concerns to your partner about what excites you and work on that together."

Kiss me through the phone: Having fun with your long-distance relationship

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Being bored in your relationship isn't always a bad thing