Can your relationship truly recover from cheating?

Every relationship has its ups and downs – and the downs can involve infidelity.

While some people choose to walk away from their relationship as a result of their partner’s infidelity, others decide to stay and work through it. There is no right or wrong decision; reconciliation is a personal choice.

Unfortunately, there is also no formula that can guarantee healing or a healthy relationship post-infidelity, but there are several things that can help.

Here are the key things to know if you're dealing with infidelity:

The cheating has to stop. The most important step toward reconciliation is for the cheating to stop. The wounds can’t heal if the pain is still being inflicted.

There has to be an apology. One of the more significant challenges after an affair is rebuilding trust. An apology and display of genuine remorse are steps in the right direction.

The impact needs to be acknowledged. It’s not always easy for the person who has cheated to come to terms with how their actions have impacted the relationship or their partner. But this acknowledgment is an essential part of taking responsibility and helping their partner feel understood.

There has to be honesty. There are many questions that follow an affair: Why? When? With whom? For how long? Transparency regarding infidelity is important. As the couple moves forward, exploring why the affair occurred may help healing, but this process needs to steer clear of justification and blame.

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Both individuals need to be willing to make the relationship work. After infidelity, a couple has to make important decisions. Wavering commitment only makes the reconciliation process more difficult. Willingness to do what is necessary to regain a partner’s trust (if you cheated) and being willing to do what it takes to forgive and move forward (if you were cheated on) takes a lot of effort.

Allow time for grief. Cheating comes with a lot to grief – grieving the relationship you thought you had, the partner you feel you’ve lost and the future that is in jeopardy. Maybe the relationship as a whole is not ending, but the relationship you previously knew is. Likewise, the individual who has cheated may need time to grieve their mistake or a version of themselves that they are not proud of.

Navigate the narrative. Any couple navigating this difficult time may find it's helpful to have a support system. But this network can also be harmful. It’s important partners are on the same page about how much they are sharing about the infidelity and with whom. It’s also important to set parameters for the narrative to ensure neither partner is harmed or disrespected in the process.

The person who cheated needs to make amends. The hurt party should be clear about what they need and what they expect in order to forgive, feel safe and move forward. If you have decided to stay in the relationship, it's important not to shame your partner or keep moving the goal post.

Underlying issues need to be addressed. There is no justification for cheating, but there are often reasons for it. Whatever they may be, working through underlying issues is key. Cheating is often a symptom – not the problem itself.

Seek professional help. Lastly, it may be worth seeking professional help to assist in repairing a relationship after such a significant fracture.

For couples that survive infidelity, it can be a wakeup call. It can serve as a time to reevaluate and redefine their relationship. It’s not easy, but it is possible.

Sara Kuburic is a therapist who specializes in identity, relationships and moral trauma. Every week she shares her advice with our readers. Find her on Instagram @millennial.therapist. She can be reached at [email protected].

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Relationship advice: Can my relationship recover after cheating?